she won’t leave me alone!
This topic contains 10 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Coffee 1 year, 7 months ago.
September 23, 2012 at 6:55 am #2948
i ended my friendship with a psycho crazy person, who’s clingy, bossy, demanding, needy, pushy, manipulative, overdramatic, selfish, etc…. about 3 weeks ago because i couldnt take it anymore. In that time that i ended things, she’s used multiple numbers to try to reach me, created a fake fb account to add and message me, and showed up at my house again at 6 (she did that quite a few times when we fought and i didnt answer her calls) She even had the audacity to leave me a voicemail asking if we could talk, some mumbled stuff i didn’t understand, and that she hopes i call her back.
i never called her back, and now she’s calling me using multiple numbers again and now sent me some emails:
I feel like I super messed up. all along i was telling you that you were being a baad friend when i was the one being a bad friend. i feel really sorry for that.
i hope you will accept my apology…
I hope you are doing good and you started school probably. i am really lonely without you i miss you a ton. i also wish i could have looked into myself instead of pointing the finger. i let others influence me which isnt good. shana finally is officially moving out. she influenced me in a bad way and made me a worse person. i really appreciate the classes you got for me. i am super grateful to have a friend like you. im sorry and i hope you will accept my apology….
there is no way im forgiving her… she put me through so much ****. But she doesn’t get it. So i think i should reply to her email, saying something like “Leave me alone. I’m not your friend anymore, and if you continue to pester me, i will go to the police and get a restraining order against you”
what would you do in this situation? I also have a blog and have been ranting about her on it, should i show her so she knows how i feel? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
September 23, 2012 at 8:08 pm #18860
I had friend like her only yours seems a little worse. My friend was ” clingy, bossy, demanding, needy, pushy, manipulative, overdramatic, selfish, etc….” but she didn’t try to directly contact me after I dumped her. Well given past experiences with her, she probably wants to “accidently” run into me. She was really attached me, even mutual friends noticed. She did show up to my job whenever I was avoiding her and behave really passive aggressively. When it’s just the two of us, she was just aggressive. But around people she wanted to like her, she was passive aggressive. But eventually I quit which cut off a big source of her drama which she thrived off of.
When someone makes you comfortable, do something about it. Don’t keep the friend out of loyalty and history. I kept my possessive friend for as long as I did because I worked with her and she managed to insert herself into my other social circles when she found out I had other friends. She was extremely funny, but that was the only thing I liked about her. I thought “It’s really inconvenient and draining to have her mad at me at work.” “But it’s also draining when she obsessively calls me everyday, gossips, and emotionally rants about anything.” So after I quit I told her to hang out with people she got along with. Lacking common sense she threw one of her usual bitch fits. She acknowledged that we didn’t get along often but didn’t except me to be fed up with it; plus I can tell she liked the fights. I pretty much strategically dumped which can be a bad thing to do. I knew she would come to my job even more often as a customer if I dumped her while still working there so I did it after I quit.
Relationships with anyone can go bad; nobody really goes through life without dumping a boyfriend, friend, disowning a relative..etc. People are just that complicated. We ask for decent friends at the minimum but sometimes receive HORRIBLE ones who are well-disguised at first. Your friend is clearly crossing the line and I think legal action could solve your problem if she won;t back off..
September 23, 2012 at 8:17 pm #18861
What you said is a universal truth, not just about this person’s problem. Here, I have cut and pasted what you said: “Relationships with anyone can go bad; nobody really goes through life without dumping a boyfriend, friend, disowning a relative..etc. People are just that complicated.” So true.
September 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm #18933
Hope you can get rid of her. Just keep sticking to your guns, and she will find another victim.
November 14, 2012 at 7:12 am #70603
I’ve had pretty much exactly the same experience. I started a work-based college degree in September 2011 and I immediately had this woman ‘latch on’. I was immediately apprehensive about her as straight away she was ranting away about her personal problems to anyone who would listen and right from the first day my fellow students and I started the course. Unfortunately, I put my initial instinctive feelings about her to one side as she was difficult to shake off from the start. I was at the time a smoker, and because she smoked too, along with one other female student, I found I was often thrust into social situatations with her ouside the classroom on breaks, wehn trying to have a cigerette by myself. It wasn’t long before I was literally hiding around the campus at break times, only to have other lots of students on my course inform me, “****” has been looking for you, she seems really desperate to find you”. There was lots of stuff that happened, like constant phone calls asking for ‘help’ with work and personal problems. It was getting ridiculous not to mention, worrying! Last July (2012) I discovered I was pregant, I actaullly rang her before term started to inform her of my situation and with my sole intention being that she was prepared to no longer insist I continue to smoke on my breaks with her. However, things got worse. On my term to campus, she was really pushy about me smoking with her. On one occasion, I was eating my lunch inside the campus building, she stormed up to me and demanded to know ‘where have you been!’ I told her that I was just eating my lunch. She then pick up my bag and started packing all my lunch away, saying ‘No, you’re coming out for a smoke with me’ (I was 4 months pregant). Although, I kept reminding her that I was pregant and that I no longer smoked, she continued to insist I came outside and ‘stood with her’ while she smoked.
Things got worse. whenever I stepped out of the classroom to visit the bathroom, I would recieve about 2-3 missed calls from her in the time I was gone. I more I backed away the worse her behaviour was. In the end she was literally touching me all the time, basically hugging me for no reason. I got really upset with her the last day, as I was trying to talk to my Tutor about some assignments and she kept butting in and putting her face in my face whilst clinging onto me! At that point I shouted at her to stop, but she didn’t get it, and just clung onto me even more, whispering in my ear that I should ‘come out for a smoke to calm down’. In the end the Tutor told her to go away as did the other students sitting on my table. During the last lesson, she was constantly shouting my name across the classroom trying to get my attention. She caused me so much stress, I left my degree early, and for the sake of my baby. My Tutor has been great and has said I can start back next September and pick up where I left off with my work and after my baby is born. This bitch will be gone by then. But I’ve had to change my mobile number and block her emails etc.
November 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm #70674
Run for your life! Lol, but seriously; forgive her and move on & do not look back. She may be being nicey nice to you right now, but I would bet my right arm she’s talking badly about you to others. Seems about par for the course. I’m convinced every woman has had a “friend” like this in their past (they’re in the past for a reason)
When I was pulling away from my former BFF who was; as you described yours “clingy, bossy, demanding, needy, pushy, manipulative, overdramatic, selfish, etc….” she quickly tried to reel me back in with random gifts……. for my dog! Weird, yes, it was. But when I wasn’t enthusiastic enough about my random cheap gifts for my dog, she freaked out and ended up dumping me. I mean, I was all ready for the friendship to be downgraded and she knew it so to save face on her part, she picked a HUGE fight with me. Her behavior had become so ridiculous that I actually started to laugh at her tirade, which really got her head spinning. But long story short, she tried to pull me back in by being really nice while all the while still running me down to anyone who would listen to her lies about me. She thought she could control me. She thought wrong. Trust your instincts.
November 14, 2012 at 3:07 pm #70676
Xlovelym–I have had two friends like that in the past, and all I can say is ugh! I feel for ya! She is probably just being nice to you right now and taking some blame so she can reel you back in. Don’t fall for it! But I would be careful with writing about her on your blog. I am a journalist and a lawyer, and I would be careful about writing about other people if readers can determine who you are talking about. The truth is a defense, but I wouldn’t want to misstep and have her sue you if she thinks she can prove that what you are saying is false or putting her in a bad light, etc.
November 14, 2012 at 10:56 pm #70777
This is akin to stalking and is scary. I would let her know in uncertain terms that you no longer want to talk to her and that she needs to stop calling, emailing, etc. Then cut off all contact and do not respond to any of it. Save any messages or emails, but don’t respond. If she shows up at your house, I would tell her to leave or simply don’t answer the door. If she doesn’t leave, call the cops.
I was friends with a woman like this, although not nearly as aggressive towards me. She pulled a lot of crap like this toward ex boyfriends, though, even going so far as to go out to an ex boyfriend’s new fling’s home and spray paint things on her garage! She TOLD me about this, too (she was proud of it!!!). The woman was in her 40s as well, but had been pulling crap like this for years.
When I decided to cut off contact with her, I was very worried she might do something uber crazy, but I got lucky. She left a few voicemails and messages, but nothing weird. We are still casual (we will message each other on FB from time to time), but the crazy behavior has made me pretty gun shy. A lot of these women can be very fun when they’re in a good mood (or when things are going good in their lives), but when things go to hell for them, they’re downright dangerous.
December 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm #73891
My youngest was born prruatmee 12 years ago. When I brought him home from the NICU I was completely overwhelmed. It was a very different experience than my older kids. I found an internet message board for moms who had preemies. They gave me so much support and encouragement. I was able to “relax” and enjoy my baby because they answered so many of my questions. I am still friends with many of these women today. There are a couple that I speak to on a daily basis (through email and facebook) We hsve also taken trips together to Vegas and NYC. Some have visited my area we get together for dinner. They are my REAL friends. Then I met some of the people I have met on this blog are now a daily part of my life. It’s amazing!
December 4, 2012 at 9:48 pm #73950
Sara, if i were you, I would write to the school and let them know about this woman’s behavior and get a restraining order. even if shes not calling or bothering you. have it documented. I wish you the best
December 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm #73953
hey xlovely, I dont understand this person’s behavior, its very odd and obsessive. theres so much going on in the news today, that i would report this to the school. I believe every shcool has a counseling program for students, maybe you can do a sit down with her and tell her why youve ended the friendship and how you would like to move on, and this way its documented. good luck to you.