she won’t leave me alone!
This topic contains 19 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by Tracy 1 month, 2 weeks ago.
September 23, 2012 at 6:55 am #2948
i ended my friendship with a psycho crazy person, who’s clingy, bossy, demanding, needy, pushy, manipulative, overdramatic, selfish, etc…. about 3 weeks ago because i couldnt take it anymore. In that time that i ended things, she’s used multiple numbers to try to reach me, created a fake fb account to add and message me, and showed up at my house again at 6 (she did that quite a few times when we fought and i didnt answer her calls) She even had the audacity to leave me a voicemail asking if we could talk, some mumbled stuff i didn’t understand, and that she hopes i call her back.
i never called her back, and now she’s calling me using multiple numbers again and now sent me some emails:
I feel like I super messed up. all along i was telling you that you were being a baad friend when i was the one being a bad friend. i feel really sorry for that.
i hope you will accept my apology…
I hope you are doing good and you started school probably. i am really lonely without you i miss you a ton. i also wish i could have looked into myself instead of pointing the finger. i let others influence me which isnt good. shana finally is officially moving out. she influenced me in a bad way and made me a worse person. i really appreciate the classes you got for me. i am super grateful to have a friend like you. im sorry and i hope you will accept my apology….
there is no way im forgiving her… she put me through so much ****. But she doesn’t get it. So i think i should reply to her email, saying something like “Leave me alone. I’m not your friend anymore, and if you continue to pester me, i will go to the police and get a restraining order against you”
what would you do in this situation? I also have a blog and have been ranting about her on it, should i show her so she knows how i feel? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
September 23, 2012 at 8:08 pm #18860
I had friend like her only yours seems a little worse. My friend was ” clingy, bossy, demanding, needy, pushy, manipulative, overdramatic, selfish, etc….” but she didn’t try to directly contact me after I dumped her. Well given past experiences with her, she probably wants to “accidently” run into me. She was really attached me, even mutual friends noticed. She did show up to my job whenever I was avoiding her and behave really passive aggressively. When it’s just the two of us, she was just aggressive. But around people she wanted to like her, she was passive aggressive. But eventually I quit which cut off a big source of her drama which she thrived off of.
When someone makes you comfortable, do something about it. Don’t keep the friend out of loyalty and history. I kept my possessive friend for as long as I did because I worked with her and she managed to insert herself into my other social circles when she found out I had other friends. She was extremely funny, but that was the only thing I liked about her. I thought “It’s really inconvenient and draining to have her mad at me at work.” “But it’s also draining when she obsessively calls me everyday, gossips, and emotionally rants about anything.” So after I quit I told her to hang out with people she got along with. Lacking common sense she threw one of her usual bitch fits. She acknowledged that we didn’t get along often but didn’t except me to be fed up with it; plus I can tell she liked the fights. I pretty much strategically dumped which can be a bad thing to do. I knew she would come to my job even more often as a customer if I dumped her while still working there so I did it after I quit.
Relationships with anyone can go bad; nobody really goes through life without dumping a boyfriend, friend, disowning a relative..etc. People are just that complicated. We ask for decent friends at the minimum but sometimes receive HORRIBLE ones who are well-disguised at first. Your friend is clearly crossing the line and I think legal action could solve your problem if she won;t back off..
September 23, 2012 at 8:17 pm #18861
What you said is a universal truth, not just about this person’s problem. Here, I have cut and pasted what you said: “Relationships with anyone can go bad; nobody really goes through life without dumping a boyfriend, friend, disowning a relative..etc. People are just that complicated.” So true.
September 27, 2012 at 5:02 pm #18933
Hope you can get rid of her. Just keep sticking to your guns, and she will find another victim.
November 14, 2012 at 7:12 am #70603
I’ve had pretty much exactly the same experience. I started a work-based college degree in September 2011 and I immediately had this woman ‘latch on’. I was immediately apprehensive about her as straight away she was ranting away about her personal problems to anyone who would listen and right from the first day my fellow students and I started the course. Unfortunately, I put my initial instinctive feelings about her to one side as she was difficult to shake off from the start. I was at the time a smoker, and because she smoked too, along with one other female student, I found I was often thrust into social situatations with her ouside the classroom on breaks, wehn trying to have a cigerette by myself. It wasn’t long before I was literally hiding around the campus at break times, only to have other lots of students on my course inform me, “****” has been looking for you, she seems really desperate to find you”. There was lots of stuff that happened, like constant phone calls asking for ‘help’ with work and personal problems. It was getting ridiculous not to mention, worrying! Last July (2012) I discovered I was pregant, I actaullly rang her before term started to inform her of my situation and with my sole intention being that she was prepared to no longer insist I continue to smoke on my breaks with her. However, things got worse. On my term to campus, she was really pushy about me smoking with her. On one occasion, I was eating my lunch inside the campus building, she stormed up to me and demanded to know ‘where have you been!’ I told her that I was just eating my lunch. She then pick up my bag and started packing all my lunch away, saying ‘No, you’re coming out for a smoke with me’ (I was 4 months pregant). Although, I kept reminding her that I was pregant and that I no longer smoked, she continued to insist I came outside and ‘stood with her’ while she smoked.
Things got worse. whenever I stepped out of the classroom to visit the bathroom, I would recieve about 2-3 missed calls from her in the time I was gone. I more I backed away the worse her behaviour was. In the end she was literally touching me all the time, basically hugging me for no reason. I got really upset with her the last day, as I was trying to talk to my Tutor about some assignments and she kept butting in and putting her face in my face whilst clinging onto me! At that point I shouted at her to stop, but she didn’t get it, and just clung onto me even more, whispering in my ear that I should ‘come out for a smoke to calm down’. In the end the Tutor told her to go away as did the other students sitting on my table. During the last lesson, she was constantly shouting my name across the classroom trying to get my attention. She caused me so much stress, I left my degree early, and for the sake of my baby. My Tutor has been great and has said I can start back next September and pick up where I left off with my work and after my baby is born. This bitch will be gone by then. But I’ve had to change my mobile number and block her emails etc.
November 14, 2012 at 2:38 pm #70674
Run for your life! Lol, but seriously; forgive her and move on & do not look back. She may be being nicey nice to you right now, but I would bet my right arm she’s talking badly about you to others. Seems about par for the course. I’m convinced every woman has had a “friend” like this in their past (they’re in the past for a reason)
When I was pulling away from my former BFF who was; as you described yours “clingy, bossy, demanding, needy, pushy, manipulative, overdramatic, selfish, etc….” she quickly tried to reel me back in with random gifts……. for my dog! Weird, yes, it was. But when I wasn’t enthusiastic enough about my random cheap gifts for my dog, she freaked out and ended up dumping me. I mean, I was all ready for the friendship to be downgraded and she knew it so to save face on her part, she picked a HUGE fight with me. Her behavior had become so ridiculous that I actually started to laugh at her tirade, which really got her head spinning. But long story short, she tried to pull me back in by being really nice while all the while still running me down to anyone who would listen to her lies about me. She thought she could control me. She thought wrong. Trust your instincts.
November 14, 2012 at 3:07 pm #70676
Xlovelym–I have had two friends like that in the past, and all I can say is ugh! I feel for ya! She is probably just being nice to you right now and taking some blame so she can reel you back in. Don’t fall for it! But I would be careful with writing about her on your blog. I am a journalist and a lawyer, and I would be careful about writing about other people if readers can determine who you are talking about. The truth is a defense, but I wouldn’t want to misstep and have her sue you if she thinks she can prove that what you are saying is false or putting her in a bad light, etc.
November 14, 2012 at 10:56 pm #70777
This is akin to stalking and is scary. I would let her know in uncertain terms that you no longer want to talk to her and that she needs to stop calling, emailing, etc. Then cut off all contact and do not respond to any of it. Save any messages or emails, but don’t respond. If she shows up at your house, I would tell her to leave or simply don’t answer the door. If she doesn’t leave, call the cops.
I was friends with a woman like this, although not nearly as aggressive towards me. She pulled a lot of crap like this toward ex boyfriends, though, even going so far as to go out to an ex boyfriend’s new fling’s home and spray paint things on her garage! She TOLD me about this, too (she was proud of it!!!). The woman was in her 40s as well, but had been pulling crap like this for years.
When I decided to cut off contact with her, I was very worried she might do something uber crazy, but I got lucky. She left a few voicemails and messages, but nothing weird. We are still casual (we will message each other on FB from time to time), but the crazy behavior has made me pretty gun shy. A lot of these women can be very fun when they’re in a good mood (or when things are going good in their lives), but when things go to hell for them, they’re downright dangerous.
December 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm #73891
My youngest was born prruatmee 12 years ago. When I brought him home from the NICU I was completely overwhelmed. It was a very different experience than my older kids. I found an internet message board for moms who had preemies. They gave me so much support and encouragement. I was able to “relax” and enjoy my baby because they answered so many of my questions. I am still friends with many of these women today. There are a couple that I speak to on a daily basis (through email and facebook) We hsve also taken trips together to Vegas and NYC. Some have visited my area we get together for dinner. They are my REAL friends. Then I met some of the people I have met on this blog are now a daily part of my life. It’s amazing!
December 4, 2012 at 9:48 pm #73950
Sara, if i were you, I would write to the school and let them know about this woman’s behavior and get a restraining order. even if shes not calling or bothering you. have it documented. I wish you the best
December 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm #73953
hey xlovely, I dont understand this person’s behavior, its very odd and obsessive. theres so much going on in the news today, that i would report this to the school. I believe every shcool has a counseling program for students, maybe you can do a sit down with her and tell her why youve ended the friendship and how you would like to move on, and this way its documented. good luck to you.
June 19, 2015 at 4:46 am #154505
me and my friend are writing this message. we have a friend very similar to this, except she is a little bit worse. She is demanding, manipulative, threatening, rude, a liar, clingy bossy, ranks herself higher than others etc etc. She has threatened to harm others in our friendship group and is very hard to get along with. we cant get rid of her because she wont take a hint. She backstabs ( i swear its part of her code) and we think she may have a mental problem. She is a teacher’s daughter so she never gets in trouble. She’s demonic, and a href=”” title=”” rel=”” target=””>
- she is vicious. Please help, what should we do?Grace RidgeQuote
- she is vicious. Please help, what should we do?
June 19, 2015 at 4:47 am #154506
ont leave us alone, please help!
February 3, 2016 at 1:31 am #165323
Y’all sound like a bunch of sociopaths who can’t handle conflict so you put it all on the other person and discard them because you’re too cool to deal with your own issues.
February 3, 2016 at 3:53 am #165324
Who cares, you’re going to get grilled here. But really, a simple “please do not contact me anymore” followed by a “one more contact from you (listing how she’s violated your request to be left alone”, would have been sufficient.
February 3, 2016 at 7:15 am #165325
What’s up with all the necromancy?
February 3, 2016 at 9:16 am #165326
I agree with Wow, but also with Who cares. Yes, people can be like that, but the easiest way for both sides is to warn them to leave you alone. Shutting them out without an answer is cruel and indeed messes with a person psychologically. You tell them to leave you alone, then they know better and understand the situation.
March 15, 2016 at 10:52 am #167349
Sorry for your problem with not being able to get peacefrom your friendship problem. It can be hard to know how to handle because some people do thrive on dramy old “single white female” friend stalked me, broke into my house, and thought she could terrorize people because her brother is a cop. Years went by, I moved to another state joined the service and came back 6 years later. She was still talking about me, shelied and told people I slept with her ex-husband. I didn’t and I wonder is there anything to do when she keeps spreading evil about my name such as slanderment. I want her to forget me, my family, and our awful friendship ever existed
She says karma is a bitch but I don’t try to hurt anybody.
March 15, 2016 at 12:06 pm #167351
I can only judge the situation by what you have said and the little information you have provided for your friend. On this basis your friend sounds to me like she is mentally unwell and is exhibiting a classic mixture of manipulation and emotional abuse toward you.
You also say that she ‘shows up to your house when you ignore her calls’.
This is very passive aggressive and since you have made it clear you want to end all contact with her, this behavior now boarders on stalking.
To put it bluntly, your friend sounds like a dangerous cocktail that could easily blow up in your face and so now you need to protect yourself.
Send her an email and make it clear (but keep it civil,) that you want to end contact with her. You do not need to go into detail as to why, but you must make it very clear that contact must now end.
As you rightfully said yourself, it is a good idea to notify her that if she continues to pursue you, you will take it further.
Keep a copy of the email that you send to her as well as a copy of the emails she sends you. Do not engage in contact with her anymore after this email and instead log all contact she makes with you.
If she turns up at your house try and get photographic evidence.
I have worked in mental health and from the information you have provided I feel this person is quite dangerous. I would treat her as such.
March 15, 2016 at 12:11 pm #167352
Original post is 4 years old! Wont be checking here for insight any more