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Need Advice/opinion/help on work place problems

This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  CrystalBallGazer 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #180833

    music note
    Participant

    Hello
    I am looking for a little guidance, opinions, advice etc.

    I am struggling right now within my personal life environment and work life environment – Feeling a bit lost. I struggle to feel that I’m worth anyones time, I worry that people think the worst of me and that no one likes me. I have always feared loss. I am currently looking to go speak to a therapist to help, I have gone before and need to go back.

    I started a new job with quite a few new hires at the same time, we all sortof bonded as we had to go through the days together, I feel as though people have seen that I am not a dominant person, I like to keep the peace, and I feel badly or guilty if someone gets upset at me even if its out of my control.I think this gets taken advantage of.This last week someone had made a comment that I was rude for not inviting a bunch of them to lunch when someone new invited me to join them to get to know me. one of the girls told me another had said that, of which she has no reason to lie to me, and the girl that made a comment has made several comments about others, so i know she has no problem talking about people.The one who had made the comment has made it clear she wants to be in with the “it people” at work, she has stopped mid sentence with me to speak with them if they come by, if they are at my desk she will come to mine to try to take over the conversation or include herself. She speaks to me differently and less enthusiastic then the “it people”.its just been building up over time.This last week it seemed very weird and in turn made me very insecure with EVERYONE there, reading into every detail and put me in such a funk, I constantly have to be on my toes, I just feel anxiety when I think of work, and this should be an exciting new place for me. Then, it trickles into my personal life that I feel no one wants to be around or they truly don’t like me etc. although not everyone can understand the feeling my mind and heart goes through, it does affect me and I just feel very lost on how to handle situations. And, due to this problem, I now feel very insecure in my personal life with people as everything is just intensified in my mind and thinking. Thank you in advance for any input you can offer.


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  • #180834

    CrystalBallGazer
    Participant

    I wouldnt worry about a group of people that barely know you think of you. All you can do is just keep being your polite self at work and stick to thinking you are there to earn money.Its best to keep to yourself in a workplace situation anyway. I would just keep it professional and leave any personal stuff at home, just a tip.You can sit in the group,but dont offer any private stuff about yourself,and be vague about it. Just be workplace pleasant and dont let your mind run away with you about what people might be thinking.You can do everything right and people at work will still think whatever anyway and find fault when they can. Do worry about any fake people who are trying to be in with the noters and the popular crowd,you will always get those.You are not obligated to anyone there,and you are not obligated to invite anyone for lunch or parties.Just do the job you were hired to do, be nice,pleasant and thats all you need to do.I would also be careful about socialising out of work with them,as that is when trouble starts. You can just go to work and go home and find friends elsewhere like a club, night class or something. Also beleive in yourself and dont put yourself down.I know its easy to get upset and find fault with ourselves,I have done it to.But remember the company hired you, not the other staff and you are there to do a job and get paid and you are obviously capable,otherwise you wouldnt have been hired in the first place. Take each day as it comes and each day is a new one.Forget all of yesterdays troubles. Dont worry as some of the stuff we worry about mostly never even happens……hold your head high and forget about the others. It takes a while to find your feet somewhere new too,and you will. I like to take rescue remedy for anxiety,but get advice first from a chemist if you are on other meds or have other health problems,otherwise its a great natural stress aid…it takes the edge off things and really works.


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    • #180836

      music note
      Participant

      Thank you for your words of encouragement and advice, I try to take everything 1 day at a time and try to breathe, I just worry Im the only one who sees this about her and don’t want to feel completely alienated at work as I am there 8-9 hours of my day. I appreciate you responding. I will look into rescue remedy. Thank you.


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      • #180843

        CrystalBallGazer
        Participant

        We cant change other people,but we can change and control how we react to them. If there are nasty people a work we just have to learn how to deal with them and the answer is to lay low and stay out of their way.Anxiety can stem from over estimating the threat…..which may not work out to be so serous or terrible as you imagine.


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