My old neighbor doesn't want to be friends anymore
January 10, 2017 at 7:08 am #180886
Hi there. This will be a long story; shortened. I’ve been friends with a mother and daughter for 10 years. How we met was in 2007 when we moved in next door to them and we got We got acquainted with them. At first, they were not the easiest of neighbors to get along with. My neighbors daughter has anger issues stemming from her past and at times she would get into confrontations with my husband and I about the noise we are making to the simplest things such as a door slam.
The mother was so nice and accommodating. There were at times she would offer us food items she would make or give us something when I asked her not to do such. I do not like taking from anyone who was struggling more than I was. I do not know if it was her way of trying to be friends with us by giving us items, but I had to accept. I also helped them as well with food items, as well running errands for them.
We had our share of spats throughout the years as neighbors. We had an incident where I told the mother she was more of a recluse and she needed to get outside and that she was passive aggressively giving in her daughter whatever she wanted. (Both don’t work, they are on disability) We stopped talking for a month, after that. We apologized and became friends again.
In 2013, They told us, (my husband and I) they were moving to Mississippi to be closer to family. I took it hard and it was for the best and to keep in touch. It took them over a week to get to Mississippi because of the load of stuff they were taking with them. They encountered a lot of mishaps such as a vehicle accident and they couldn’t pay the rental truck to get their belongings out. Most of their possessions was stolen.
We kept in touch from 2013 up until early last year. That is when the mother and daughter stopped talking to us on Facebook. I message the mother last year asking if everything was ok and her reply was “I don’t message people anymore” but yet, I see her being friendly with my old neighbor who used to live behind us. I was nice to wish her a Happy Mothers Day, message her how her and her daughter are doing, greeted her a Happy Birthday, and wished her a Merry Christmas this past year. A couple days ago, she wrote on her Facebook page about friendships and she knew a “few people” that this needs to apply to. It was an abrasive message. I normally do not read in between the lines, but this was implying to my husband and I that we were lousy friends and she didn’t want to know us anymore.
This morning, I woke up and she removed my husband and I from her Facebook page and blocked us. Talk about a slap in the face. Out of the years I’ve known this woman and her daughter, and how kind I was to them by giving them items(a used Wii, subscriptions, helping them get to and from) this is the “Thank you” we get. I wish she would have message me and tell me she had a problem, but I guess it wasn’t good enough.
Should I remove her daughter as well? She is still friends with me on Facebook.
January 10, 2017 at 2:00 pm #180896
Very sorry to hear your upsetting news,how terrible it must be when people block each other.You don’t know why and can’t even ask. On answering your question about the daughter then NO I would not block her. She has done no wrong.Stay polite and friendly with her.You say you still speak. I wouldn’t mention the mother. The daughter might not even know. It could end up tit for tat which could prove to be more upsetting. You have been blocked. Did you say earlier that the daughter had also stopped talking on FB Or have you made friends again?
Just a thought…they have moved miles away,so are you likely to ever see them again?? Maybe not. Are you bothered if your neighbours might be hearing bad things about you? People do gossip.Hoping you soon feel better. Lottie
January 11, 2017 at 10:06 am #180922
If it will make you feel any better, you are not alone! Sadly, this sort of thing is very common. I almost fainted when I read the part where your former friend said “I don’t message people anymore”. I had someone else tell me that very thing a few months back! The worst is when people talk about how busy they are and how they don’t reply to messages and what not, but yet there they are on Facebook, talking nonstop to others. I have never felt lower than when I asked someone else (who also knew my friend) if they too found it near impossible to get in touch with them, and naturally, their reply was “No. Not at all. I can reach her anytime I want to”. It sucks bad enough to a lose a friend that you were once close with. But it REALLY REALLY sucks when you find out that it is only you that they are backing away from. I have come to the conclusion that people are just freaking weird! I had another friend some years back chose not to forgive me because I told someone else how hot tempered, argumentative, and judgmental they COULD BE AT TIMES. Yet this same person forgave others for far more serious things. One got a pass for ripping her off. Basically stealing $600 from her. Another got forgiveness for nearly raping her while high on drugs! MORE THAN ONCE!! Yet, what I said was not deemed worthy of forgiveness. Yeah…..
People will say “ahh, shoot just forget them and move on, they aren’t worth your time and they certainly do not deserve your friendship”. I see their point, but it really isn’t that simple. I wish it were, but it isn’t. I don’t like this whole “friends are expendable” idea. Friends are VALUABLE. And if a friendship has any possibility of being saved, it is worth a shot. The difficult part about losing someone is the things you shared. The things that you confided in them about. When they go, that goes with them. It’s not so simple as to just go replace them with someone else. Losing friends inexplicably has happened to me enough to where it really had me questioning myself as a person. I got downright low and depressed. Not to sound all “oh woe is me” because I know that I am NOT perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but doggone, I can’t be THAT bad of a person. Right? LOL. It really helped me when I just came to the realization that it isn’t totally me. The way I see it, if someone has quickly cut you off without any clue or warning, then it’s on them, not you. Because, even if you are the only friend that they are doing it to at the time, it means one of two things. Either A) they have a history of this and have left a trail of people in their wake and you are just another in a long line of people that they have done it to or B) They WILL do it to someone else at some point. It’s almost like you want to tell their other friends that they are still close to “one of you is next. I don’t know which one it will be, but one of you WILL get the ax eventually”. Anyway, best of luck. At the very least, just know that you are not alone.
January 11, 2017 at 1:42 pm #180925
I think shes done you and your husband a favour as she is now out of your life and I wouldnt be helping them again, or trying to be their friends. They dont deserve it.She probably found another victim to bludge off and she will do the same to them. When people show us who they really are,we should believe them the first time.In this case you have lost nothing and you have gained some insight.
- This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by CrystalBallGazer.
- This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by CrystalBallGazer.
January 14, 2017 at 10:42 am #180986
Thank you all for the replies. Mr Twerpy. You had hit the hammer on the nail. I had went back throughout the conversations we had the last year and most of them have been unanswered by her. I question what it is that made her stop talking to me. Granted, we did share a lot in the 6 years as neighbors. I look back and I still see she is Facebook friends with our former neighbor. I felt this was more of a slap in the face than anything. Although she is miles away, I still keep her in my heart. I told her one day when I was financially sound, I would love to come down and to visit her and her daughter. That hasn’t yet came up. In the back of my mind, Could someone being envious could play a factor? My husband and I had done well within the last couple years. I went back to work, he got a promotion and a raise,he went back to college plus we got out of a financial bind we got ourselves into. While her and her daughter are still struggling financially. They are both on social security disability.
I never look down on a persons financial status. I see a person for what they are worth, not materialistic items.
I have lost so much throughout the years with friends with betrayal that I do not know who to trust anymore. All I want throughout life is to have a friend to confide in and to trust. I am starting to question if it is me or my behavior that is shunning people away? Losing friends definitely hurt and I wish I could get over it. I feel the pain of the others before leaving.
January 28, 2017 at 9:09 am #181306
Crystal Ball Gazer.
I have been thinking about this issue the last couple weeks and I talked to my therapist about my “neighbor friend”. She suggested that people do come in and out of our lives like waves and we shouldn’t feel guilty about us losing someone. I told her all my life this has always happened and I question if it was my behavior or what it is I am doing. I should keep moving on no matter what the circumstances are.
I have to close this chapter and put them behind; move forward and be selective in people. I want friends that will always be there for me.
January 28, 2017 at 3:21 pm #181315
Sometimes people aren’t really all that nice,in fact they can be quite horrid and we are at fault for letting them into our lives in the first place.I think most of us are guilty of that at some stage.I know I am.Unfortunately it takes life experience and pain to learn this stuff.I have met some very nice people, two recently in mine that I in fact knew for many years, yet they both are gone now. One was just a plain old taker,who took what she could get from anyone all the while being nice and pleasant,not even causing a fight or anything, I got sick of her promises and excuses to reciprocate,and she never did,it was always me providing.The other one was a friend of 13 years just buggered off and couldn’t be bothered to even speak to me as she became heavily religious and didn’t even call me back like she said she would months ago, her religion got in the way, apparently her Christian friends are better?,so now I cant be bothered with her either,her loss really and I knew these people for years. I expected more of them because we had known each other for while.But you know what,they really are not worth my time or me tears and if they can dump me in a second,they better not expect me to talk to them in future when they feel like it.Friendships do change and not for the better,but sometimes later on we realise we are better off without them.Be confident that you are a good friend to others,its just you havent found the right people yet.Its easy to find the wrong ones and hard to find the right ones because there are so few to start with in this world….I love your therapists explanation on friends being like waves,that is exactly how it is,and people leaving is not always our fault either,its theirs and their loss.
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