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My friend cut me out of her life abruptly – please advice

This topic contains 114 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  Benhaur 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #2108 Reply

    Kloe
    Participant

    I had someone I thought was a wonderful friend. We spoke all the time and hung out. About ten months ago she stopped contacting me. I had asked to see her and she said she was busy and then after that she wouldn’t return my calls- texts- emails. I thought I would give her some time- genuinely not understanding why she cut me off.

    I then saw a mutual friend who told me that this friend had told her ages ago that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I feel really upset and confused and there’s not much left I can do. It will nearly be a year. I have gone over everything and can’t think of what I could done that was so awful to warrant such harsh behaviour from her.

    To make it worse- we have mutual friends who still see her- obviously as she is still wonderful to them. Though they sympathise with me, they also want to stay out of it. I totally understand their pov but can’t help feel really hurt that they are all continuing to hang out without me as I’ve died or something. Or like I never existed.

    I’m having a hard year anyway and this just adds to the misery.

    I would have said sorry if she had told me what I did- but she never gave me the chance. She has ignored everything all the way.

    I saw a present she gave a mutual friend and it really upset me. I feel like I can’t hang out with any of them as a part of me feels betrayed which logically isn’t fair.

    She was just so mean about it yet she gets to feel happy and carry on and I’m the one who is left hurting.

    Her husband used to be a friend of mine too and both of them have blocked me on fb twitter etc etc.

    No one seems to understand how bad I feel. Everyone keeps saying ignore it, let it go- find new friends.

    But how do you get over the hurt?

    I know time is a healer so need to just get through it.

    Has this happened to anyone else? How did you deal with it?

    Any warm advice would be lovely. I feel really low.

    Thanks


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  • #8799 Reply

    Anonymous

    Kloe…I completely understand how you feel. In fact, I still feel the hurt today and my friendship with my BFF ended earlier this year as well…I dont understand what happened either…we had had a fallling out back in March…slowly she started to text me like nothing ever happened…I attempted to call her and extend an invite out, only to get text messages back….finally after 2 months of sporadic texting, I told her to give me a call if she ever wanted to chat or catch up…that was 3 months ago…nothing!…I ask myself many times, why would she be ok with texting, at times joking like nothing ever happened, only to cut me off after I ask her to call instead of text…??? I wish someone can shed some light on this too…anyway..it does hurt, I try and tell myself Im better off, I didnt deserve all the baloney she dished out…but then I hear she is going out with other friends, having a grand time like I never existed…I guess we should be doing the same…and I am trying, but it doesnt remove the feeling like you have been tossed aside….


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  • #8800 Reply

    Kloe
    Participant

    How and why do they do that??? It’s so mean lol I can’t imagine it. I always make such an effort- I really cared for her. I don’t know. My mum said maybe she felt jealous but I dont have anything she would be jealous of! Someone said maybe she was jealous that I got on with her husband…. But I would never dream of doing anything to hurt her or her marriage!!

    I wish she had talked to me. We could have had an honest chat about whatever it was and sorted it out but she didn’t give me the chance.

    Easier said than done- forget about her make new friends. But it’s scary. I just feel like all my friendships are about to fall apart and no one actually cares about me as a friend at all. They’re all happy and fine and I’m like hello- hurt here! I just found out from the mutual friend so I suppose like an idiot- I thought he would come around and contact me.

    It’s so hurtful that she told other people she didn’t want to know me and didn’t have the guts to tell me!!

    So I’m just left hanging about….


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  • #8801 Reply

    Kloe
    Participant

    Ps we didn’t even have a falling out. It just ended. Full stop.


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  • #8802 Reply

    WonderWhy
    Participant

    Hi Kloe, if you really want to get closure from your friend then you could call her up and ask her directly. She may not give you a direct answer, but at least you tried. I know exactly how you feel as I’ve been in your position, but I’ve also been in your friend’s position so I understand both sides. When a friend dumped me without any explanation I was angry and went to our mutual friends for answers, but like your friends, they refused to take sides and so I was forced to confront my friend to get my answer. When I confronted her it made things awkward for our mutual friends who cooled off with me for a few weeks, I assume to let the dust settle, but after that, my mutual friends spoke to me again. I was SO RELIEVED to have confronted my friend just to tell her that it was horrible the way she just cut me off. Now, when I chose to end a friendship, I did it differently. How it happened is that I was part of a group of three friends. One friend and I were closer than the other until I discovered she was a compulsive hoarder (disgusting), would show up 30 to 45 minutes late for every social outing we planned, would fall asleep during movies or plays, and never apologized when I confronted her hoarding problems, lateness problems or lack of follow through on meeting me on time. Eventually she stopped calling me. Then one day out of the blue, she had the gall to call me asking me to help her and our mutual friend out of a bind. That’s when I got angry and told her exactly what I thought of her. I asked her why she was so disrespectful of me during our friendship (i.e. always being late, not getting help for her hoarding, making excuses, never apologizing or following through on things). Do you know what her response was: complete silence on the other end of the phone line, refusing to acknowledge my feelings or anything I’d just said. THEN she insulted me by asking me again if I was able to help her and our mutual friend out with their situation (they were out and my friend had forgot to print off their tickets to a concert and since i lived close to the concert venue, she asked if I would print off the tickets and meet them — they didn’t even invite me to the concert!! Of course I refused to help them and said “I guess you’ll have to find a copy center and print off the tickets yourself. Sorry!” I told her why she was a horrible friend to me over the phone and that our friendship was over for the reasons I wrote about. The fact that she didn’t bother to apologize for any wrongs she’d done, and her refusal to validate my feelings “I can see your upset, I’m sorry” showed me her true colors. I am still friends with our mutual friend who didn’t get involved, and it doesn’t even bother me when our mutual friend posts things about their activities on Facebook because she used me and at least I called her out on her bad behavior. So my advice to you is that if it’s really bothering you, call up your friend and demand to know why she ended her friendship with you without telling you. You may not get the closure you want, but at least you made an effort to find out why.


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  • #8803 Reply

    Kloe
    Participant

    I did call her- she never called me back. She has absolutely ignored every piece of contact….


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  • #8804 Reply

    WonderWhy
    Participant

    That’s unfortunate. Her actions show you proof that she never valued your friendship…at all. Otherwise she would have spoken to you when you called. Comfort yourself knowing that at least you showed integrity by reaching out to her, while your friend clearly lacked the maturity to reciprocate. I’m sorry you were treated so poorly by your former friend because you deserved an explanation.


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  • #8806 Reply

    Anonymous

    People who hoard have a type of mental illlness and often have to receive therapy for it.

    I understand some of the more severe ones live in very unsanitary conditions, and if you choose to halt being friends with a hoarder, or to stay friends but stop visiting them at their homes, that is fine, but I believe they deserve a little more understanding.

    A lot of them may realize they have a problem and are even ashamed of how messy their homes have become, but they have no idea how to fix it.

    (Because they are emotionally attached to their “stuff,” it’s not just an easy matter of them tossing the “stuff” into a trash bin and being done with it.)

    Some of them may have depression, which means they lack the energy, interest, or motivation to clean up their stuff or trash.

    I think it’s fine to confront a friend on something, but with something like that, it’s the friend’s decision on how to handle their problem or even if they will admit to having one.

    Like with alcoholics, drug addicts, people with over eating problems, no amount of nagging, begging, or complaining can get them to change. They have to choose to do it for themselves.

    It’s like people who have weight problems. Husbands who shame or condemn their overweight wives for every piece of cake they eat make their wives feel worse, so the wife goes and eats another piece of cake.

    You said, “Do you know what her response was: complete silence on the other end of the phone line, refusing to acknowledge my feelings or anything I’d just said”

    That was after this:

    “she was a compulsive hoarder (disgusting),….when I got angry and told her exactly what I thought of her. I asked her why she was so disrespectful of me during our friendship (i.e. always being late, not getting help for her hoarding, making excuses, never apologizing or following through on things)”

    She probably felt judged, condemned, and hurt. If your friend phone you up and ran down a list of your shortcomings in that way, you’d probably be hurt or shocked into silence as well.


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  • #8807 Reply

    WonderWhy
    Participant

    This conversation would be best for another forum to do with hoarders. My former friend owns a house with a large front/backyard but refuses to seek help for her mental illness. No one ever visits her home – not even her fiance or family or friends – because it’s in uninhabitable condition that even the city she lives in has served her notice to clean up her home or the city will condemn it. For months along with her other friends and family I begged her to seek help, I asked her to show up on time for movies, plays, dinners we made plans for but she refused. Her disrespect of my time, her refusal to get help for her problem is why I can’t be friends with her. Why would I be friends with a heroine addict who refuses to seek help? I wouldn’t. They are choosing to destroy their own lives and being selfish about it – not my problem. How she felt when I told her the truth is not my problem. I’m not responsible for her feelings or her life. And I will have to disagree with you that I shocked her into silence. She already is a very passive-aggressive person who is silent but then who also explodes without warning and does inappropriate behavior. She is an unhealthy person and someone i can’t be friends with. That doesn’t make me a bad person because I have standards for the kinds of friends I want in my life.


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  • #8808 Reply

    Liz
    Participant

    I’ve been in the same spot as you are & what hurts is the lack of loyalty by the mutual friends. What are they saying about it to her? If I am in a position where two friends have had a falling out, I always try to bring them back together.
    Yes, time will help, and staying busy, but maybe you should avoid any and all aspects of this former friendship for a bit – including these mutual friends & facebook. In my opinion it is just making it harder on you to see what they are all doing whilst excluding you.
    Liz


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  • #8809 Reply

    Anonymous

    I never said you were a bad person. That is something you read in to my post.

    I also noted in my first post you are most welcome to make your own choices in life, including not remaining her friend anymore.

    Of course her feelings are not your responsibility, I did not suggest that they were.

    At the same time, though, I find it distasteful when people feel they have a right to totally disregard the impact their tough words or tough attitudes have on other people, or who feel they have a right to bull doze over other people’s feelings.

    You seem to lack compassion and sympathy for this friend who appears to have mental health problems and were quick to judge her, and that was what I found troubling.

    You expressed disgust and annoyance at her lifestyle, which is your right, but don’t be surprised when you behave that way or give off those vibes, that other people may not want to be friends with you.

    I know I would not appreciate getting a call from someone telling me they’re a friend, but they proceed to run off a litany of complaints about me and how I live my life.

    It’s okay to be direct with people, but you’d get better results if you tone down the disgust, judgment, and hostility when being direct. You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.


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  • #8810 Reply

    Anonymous

    I never said you were a bad person. That is something you read in to my post.

    I also noted in my first post you are most welcome to make your own choices in life, including not remaining her friend anymore.

    Of course her feelings are not your responsibility, I did not suggest that they were.

    At the same time, though, I find it distasteful when people feel they have a right to totally disregard the impact their tough words or tough attitudes have on other people, or who feel they have a right to bull doze over other people’s feelings.

    You seem to lack compassion and sympathy for this friend who appears to have mental health problems and were quick to judge her, and that was what I found troubling.

    You expressed disgust and annoyance at her lifestyle, which is your right, but don’t be surprised when you behave that way or give off those vibes, that other people may not want to be friends with you.

    I know I would not appreciate getting a call from someone telling me they’re a friend, but they proceed to run off a litany of complaints about me and how I live my life.

    It’s okay to be direct with people, but you’d get better results if you tone down the disgust, judgment, and hostility when being direct. You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.


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  • #8811 Reply

    Anonymous

    wonderwhy…I too, wish I had seen the end coming to have dealt with my friendship as you had…good for you! I wish I had told her exactly how I felt and how hurt and confused she made me when I had the chance…instead, I remained cordial and polite and when she started texting me again, I responded to her thinking that at some point she would start to call me and we would be able to talk about what happened..but now I feel like I missed the last chance I had.. It has been 3 months since we have had contact and at this point, I would feel foolish to call her and ask why she would think its ok to text me every few days for 2 months to chat and check in, but when it came to me telling her to actually pick up a phone, she stopped ALL communication…what happened???..Also, I would never want her to think she has that much power over me 3 months later…


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  • #8812 Reply

    Anonymous

    I never said you were a bad person. That is something you read in to my post.

    I also noted in my first post you are most welcome to make your own choices in life, including not remaining her friend anymore.

    Of course her feelings are not your responsibility, I did not suggest that they were.

    At the same time, though, I find it distasteful when people feel they have a right to totally disregard the impact their tough words or tough attitudes have on other people, or who feel they have a right to bull doze over other people’s feelings.

    You seem to lack compassion and sympathy for this friend who appears to have mental health problems and were quick to judge her, and that was what I found troubling.

    You expressed disgust and annoyance at her lifestyle, which is your right, but don’t be surprised when you behave that way or give off those vibes, that other people may not want to be friends with you.

    I know I would not appreciate getting a call from someone telling me they’re a friend, but they proceed to run off a litany of complaints about me and how I live my life.

    It’s okay to be direct with people, but you’d get better results if you tone down the disgust, judgment, and hostility when being direct. You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. :)


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  • #8813 Reply

    Anonymous

    sorry about the double post. I didn’t do that on purpose.


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  • #8814 Reply

    WonderWhy
    Participant

    I totally agree with you Liz. I think that’s great advice too!


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  • #8815 Reply

    WonderWhy
    Participant

    I agree with you that I disregarded her feelings with my tough words. But hoarders are very passive-aggressive, self-centered people in my own experience. Her lack of respect towards me in our friendship, her refusal to seek help for an obvious problem that involves the city (!) doesn’t deserve my compassion or sympathy. Someone who has a problem but refuses to seek help for it deserves pity more than sympathy and compassion. I agree that expressing negative vibes keeps people at bay but in her case, I had no interest in maintaining my friendship with her. Regarding your honey/vinegar analogy; only vinegar works with people like my former friend. Honey (empathy, compassion) had no impact on how she disregarded my feelings during our friendship; chronically being late 30 to 45 minutes is not acceptable, nor is it acceptable to shirk off responsibility in life which she does.


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  • #8816 Reply

    WonderWhy
    Participant

    And just to clarify, your post is incorrect. I didn’t call her. She called me asking me to help her and a mutual friend out, and this was after months of not hearing from her. It was quite rude for her to call me up out of the blue asking me for a favor. So I took that opportunity to tell her that I couldn’t be friends with her anymore, based on what I already posted repeatedly about. I think I was quite right to stick up for myself with someone who refuses to seek help for a serious problem, who disregards the fact that it’s really disrespectful to be chronically late, who is unreliable in every way because that infringes upon my time and is extremely emotionally draining. Also, she always called me up daily to ask me to make her decisions for her; about everything from relationship advice, friendship advice, etc. this on a DAILY basis. Even when I would tell her, “You have to make your own decisions” she would get mad at me and give me the silent treatment. Once I invited her to go to a play with me at the theater, she was so late she missed the first 30 minutes of the play. Why? Because she was at home feeding her cats and obsessing over her cluttered home. Then when she eventually showed up to the theater and got her seat next to mine, she proceeded to fall asleep for the remainder of the play and smelled like cat urine. I can’t be friends with someone who lives like that. You call me hostile in your post but I think you’re missing the whole picture which I have tried to paint via my responses to no avail. I’m not an aggressive, negative person. I have standards for healthy friendships like most people and this woman I’m formally friends with didn’t meet those standards. Friendship is a two-way street and takes equal amounts of investment from both people involved. Being friends with someone who hoards objects, animals is difficult. At one point she had 15 cats in her home and when I went over there once, I had to go to the ER afterward to get benedryl and prednisone because the overpowering smell of cat urine, cat feces and garbage everywhere gave me an allergic reaction. I had to dry clean my clothes after that as well. Until you’ve been in a friendship with someone who lets their lives just fall apart like that, you have no right to judge me. Hoarders have no regard for themselves or others. Yes it’s a mental illness and those people need help. I have no idea how my former friend has even kept her job that she’s been late to everyday for the past 5 years, whose cubicle is so riddled with piles of files and garbage no one in her office goes near her work area.


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    • #157132 Reply

      Parker

      I think it is pretty clear you have no interest in continuing your friendship with her so I’m not sure what kind of advice you are looking for here. I agree with the other person about you being far too tough of her. I was in a very similar situation where I was going through one of the hardest times in my life. I was so ashamed that I began acting very different and could not reach out because of it. One of my friends treated me just like you are treating her. She had that “just snap out of it” and “what about me” attitude, and it hurt me a lot. It wasn’t the first time she showed her true “friendship”, but it did end up being the last because when I finally dug myself out of it, I decided I could no longer be friends with her. Not because of what she didn’t do to help, although I believe friendships are built on how we react to the tough times, but how she treated me during that time. She too had “standards” that I apparently wasn’t meeting, and a I am better than you attitude, and I just had enough. No, I wasn’t a hoarder, but I was very depressed, and damn near suicide, but she just didn’t care bc I wasn’t reacting to the situation in the way she felt was appropriate (although she had no way of knowing how she would having never gone through it or having a family of her own). I let her treat me like this many times in our 25 year friendship, but I was wrong to do so because she too was quite shocked when I had finally had enough of the abuse and decided I could no longer be friends anymore. It was very hard after being friends for most of our lives. The way you are talking about her shows a complete lack of respect for her privacy and a lack of respect for the friendship you once had with her. I know you won’t like what I have to say, but since I have been through it, I think I have a perspective that is relevant, and I hope it isn’t too late for you to fix it if you value your friendship with her. I am just being honest because I’m sorry, but you are not being a good friend. You don’t have to like how she deals with things or how she lives, but it is not right for you to condemn her for her apparent mental problems or issues that are clearly overwhelming her to the point of acting like a person you don’t recognize. It isn’t as simple as you are making it out to be, but I think you know that. She certainly doesn’t owe you an apology for it when it is clearly something she has no control over. To say she does it to show your complete lack of compassion and willingness to learn WHY it has gotten to this point and go from there. Hoarders are very depressed people so there is almost certainly a lot more to it. As her friend, you need to look past what your “standards” are and try to figure out what has caused her depression and help her work through them the best way you can. And if you can’t, if you cared about her, you would do whatever you could to not make it worse. She is being passive aggressive because she feels your disappointment and your clear disapproval of her lifestyle that has been caused by some underlying pain or problems that you are either not aware of or that you are not giving enough weight to meaning they are worse than you realize. She is not being passive aggressive because she is a bad person. I would bet it even makes her feel worse. You have no idea how much it hurts to not be able to explain to a friend or family member as to why you are hurting and why that hurting is causing you to live or behave in a certain way. She is obviously to the point where she is just shutting down. After a while, when you think there is nothing you can do to make yourself feel better, work through your problems, or are unable to please anyone anymore because of those problems, then yes, you stop caring either way. Being late or changing your behavior in ways that seem to other people like you don’t give a crap about them will eventually start to happen and get worse the longer those issues aren’t dealt with and the more you feel alone. She may be causing the alienation, but it is up to her healthy minded friends to not allow her to further alienate herself even if she fights you one it (she will thank you later believe me). But, I will tell you from experience, there is a mountain of guilt that comes later and just builds on itself. Does the guilt help change this behavior? No, not when people continue to assume it is somehow a lack of caring of other people and especially when they know how disapproving of them you already are. You are not being a good friend, and the way you keep bringing up HER home as if it somehow an affront on you is very selfish. It’s HER home. You keep bringing up things that you disapprove of instead of saying you wish you could understand why the strange behavior started and why it has gotten to this far. And, you don’t have to be in her face about it or mention it every time you speak to her. You can do things to let her know you are her friend like get her out of the house, and as much as you hate it, don’t say anything about her being late. Let her know you understand, and then have a good time doing whatever you planned to do. I promise she will begin to care more if you don’t beat her over the head with her mistakes every single time. Then after a couple of times of seeing her. You should show up to her home, acknowledge that the city contacting her is a big deal and you don’t want to see her get in anymore trouble. Be dressed in cleaning gear, loaded with boxes, trash bags, cleaning supplies, and a smile and say, “I’m not here to judge you. I love you, and I want to help you. If you can’t do it, go to my house while me and these people I brought with me (maybe call your mutual friends and her family), get started. I know you are overwhelmed, and I know you need me/us so I/we are here. I know you have a problem so I think it is best for you to let me do this without you. We will get it done, and afterwards, we can come up with a plan of how to finish it and maintain thereafter. We will sit down and talk about what has been going on with you because I love you, and I know you are hurting. The girl I love doesn’t want to live like this. And the girl you chose as your friend doesn’t want to see you live like this and most certainly doesn’t want to see you hurt and throw your life away. If you feel more comfortable talking to a therapist we can arrange that too.” That is how a friend responds not you are a disgusting pig and you no longer meet my standards of a healthy friendship. You clearly miss her friendship, at least the way it was once upon a time, so you need to admit to yourself that you handled it wrong, and I guarantee you will get your apologies once she is in a place mentally to give them. She clearly needs her friends right now. You have no idea the depth of sadness and overwhelming guilt she is likely feeling right now, and the last thing she needs is to feel like people are abandoning her. Friendship is about the bad times. Friends are there when it counts. The fun nights out, and chats on the phone are the rewards that come with friendship. You should expect no less than the same sort of response if you were having a rough time even if it was a heroine addiction. Friends don’t get to say, yuck your doing heroine, you no longer qualify for my friendship. Even if it means you have to stay away for a while if they refuse your help during a bad time. You still have to be there waiting for when they do finally call when they hit rock bottom and finally say, I need you, please help me. They don’t have to believe you are happy about their bad or strange new behavior, but they do need to know that there is nothing they can do to drive you away (within reason of course). To expect anything less would make you a stranger not a friend. I hope you are not offended by my response. I just think you need to see her side of things. I hope you guys can work it out if you wish to work things out with her.


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  • #8818 Reply

    Liz
    Participant

    Thanks WonderWhy, and I have a question/comment about the mutual friends for you & everyone else reading! It seems to me that I’m always the one that is on the receiving end of the “I don’t want to get involved” mutual friends. I don’t ask them to choose my side, but over the years & the various situations, it is always the other friend that seems to be picked to protect over me. It doesn’t matter what has happened, what they did, or didn’t do, once they decide to not be my friend – others quickly go to their defense. How come it is ok for me to not be invited, yet if I were to do the same – these “mutual” friends would feel badly & ask if the other person would be hurt? But it is ok that I hear about plans without me? Somewhere in their hearts they have really made the choice in the friendship & chose the other friend over me. When I’m in the position to choose/protect/not get involved I make sure that I’m not excluding either one. I don’t bring up plans that didn’t include both. I think that these mutual friends must understand what they are doing on some level.
    Liz


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  • #8819 Reply

    Kloe
    Participant

    Well one mutual friend is very close to me and said she didn’t want to choose sides. She could appreciate my hurt and thought that the other friend should have behaved better and talked to me. She also said that it was hard for her but respected my not wanting to know details about former friend and vice versa. so essentially she meets us separately from now on and I guess not discussing either one with the other!

    I get her pov but I feel like it’s obvious that I’ve been wronged and wished she would have leaped to my defines rather than I’m not getting involved.

    Exactly- if that happened to two of my close friends I would speak my mind and try and help and reason with the ‘mean one’ of course you can’t make friends do anything they don’t want- but I would make my point. I probably not lose them as a friend but can’t imagine I would think they are wonderful if they could treat a friend like that.

    It does annoy me yes- I feel betrayed. To be fair she hadn’t told me shed seen the former friend. I just happened to see the gift so then she admitted yes shed seen her and no more was said.

    I feel bad all around- don’t know who to depend on . Who gets how I feel…


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  • #8821 Reply

    Anonymous

    Hi Lacole this is Kathy….
    I don’t think 3 months is really all that long and I still think you can pick up the phone and tell her how you feel. I emailed my friend after 16 years and we did talk and find out the friendship is over but wished each other well. Our friendship I think could of been fixed had it not been for her own family life. If I had any thing I would of changed it would of been to talk to her sooner than waiting all this time. I did try and reach out she just didn’t want to for whatever reason. Even if it meant seeing her in person and not liking what she had to say. I think you have to figure out whether the friendship is all that important to you and if you can handle her flaws. If you can I say reach out so you can have peace of mind. If you really didn’t like her behavior and you never talked to her about it then she didn’t have a chance to change it. I feel from what you have said about what happened between the two of you. She wanted to only text and you wanted more human contact as in hearing her over the phone…I really see nothing wrong with that, but for some reason she didn’t care enough to try and meet you half way. People sometimes need a break from one another and maybe that is all that is going on. As for power there are people who love to have all the power but in reality she can’t have power if you aren’t allowing it. From what you have said on previous post you left things on good terms as in if she chooses to call sometime for her to do so. I am learning that people behavior usually have nothing to do with us and more to do with what is going on with them. I think you have been doing the right thing by taking a step back to allow her some time to grow up in my opinion. She could of told you the friendship is over or how she feels about what is going on. That’s the hard part you have no idea what is going on with her….but sometimes the silence tells it all and they are just not able to take responsibility for there actions……


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  • #8822 Reply

    WonderWhy
    Participant

    Hi Lacole. Thanks! Why do you see it as being weak to seek closure 3 months later with your friend? You have a right to tell her how her behavior made you feel, 3 months or 3 years after-the-fact. Maybe that’s dysfunctional but it’s what I believe. Clearly you are still hurting from your friendship loss with this woman 3 months later. It may stir all the feelings up again if you were to call or email her, but wouldn’t you rather do that then continue to carry around the pain you feel about it? Her power over you is the fear you feel right now about moving forward because you haven’t got the closure you want.


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  • #8922 Reply

    Anonymous

    Pity is kind of the same thing as compassion.

    From what I’m seeing, you don’t have pity for her, but contempt and scorn. If you were like that while you were friends with her, she probably noticed it.

    This woman may have done you wrong, but you sound like you are very judgmental towards her, not willing to give an inch. I do hand it to you that you did admit you can see that your tough words may have hurt her feelings.

    I don’t view chronic lateness as being a deal breaker in a friendship. I would not take it as an insult or personal affront if a friend kept showing up late. The only thing I would think is that the person has a time management problem.

    You can sometimes get around it by telling a chronically late person to show up at 2:00 for a 3:30 appointment.

    You said, “nor is it acceptable to shirk off responsibility in life which she does.”

    You’re entitled to your views, but I don’t think it’s totally your place to judge her for how she lives her life, or, at the time, to phone her and berate her for how she was living her life. You would probably not enjoy getting lectured like that by a friend.

    You said,”her refusal to seek help for an obvious problem that involves the city”

    Like I said before, constantly judging or berating someone with her kind of problems isn’t going to change her.

    It’s like the husband who tries to shame his overweight wife into losing weight, which only makes her feel angry, so she eats another piece of cake and gains even more weight.

    People like your friend with the hoarding and lateness problem is kind of like that. She has a sickness and needs help, and she won’t change unless she decides to do it.

    Nagging or shaming people like that won’t help things. Using vinegar on her did not work.


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  • #9069 Reply

    Anonymous

    In a falling out with one of my high school friends, all my mutual friends worked around it and said nothing, and I felt like I had no support. Since by this time college had come and gone and we were living all over the country, I rarely heard from most of them and wondered if they were also ditching me.

    Finally, an event occurred which gave me the opportunity to clear the air with everyone, and I learned that the mutual friends who “didn’t have my back” really had just taken the stance that we are all adults and it’s really not up to them to get in the middle of bilateral friendships (or lack thereof) within the larger group.

    While it hurt at the time, I can see the value in that approach, and I realize if I had brought it up to people earlier, it would have been addressed earlier, but I didn’t seek the support I wanted because I didn’t want to force people to choose sides between what I saw as two people whose lives had diverged but who were not inherently bad/selfish/etc. Just another perspective on the non-involvement of mutual friends.


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  • #9087 Reply

    Anonymous

    Thanks for responding..I have had problems with my laptop and Im just trying to catch up with all the new posts and blogs…I miss this sight when I cant check it daily!!….anyway…funny thing, my ex-bff did reach out to me last week, as it was my sons b-day and she was calling to see when he would be around to wish him a good day and hoped I was doing good, but the way she did it was strange…she left me a message on my cell phone, but did so the “back door” way…where you can leave a message without actually calling the persons phone number…you call into your own voice mail and it gives you an option to leave a message on another phone…so she leaves me a message, but never actually called me…not sure if she was afraid I would answer or she just didnt want to try…then she sent me a text wishing my son a happy b-day…Now, she could have just called him herself without either leaving me a message or texting me …in the end, she did call him at my house and talked to him. BUT…she called him from her work…the one place she told me months ago that she was unable to ever call me from…it was her excuse as to why she would always text me instead of calling…it all just makes me question whether what she told me months ago were just excuses and lies to avoid talking to me??…I did call her later in the day and left a message…I made a point to sound upbeat, positive and happy…told her everything was great and hoped she was doing great too…I didnt want her to think for even one second that the whole situation still gets to me at times…she is a total control person and would love the thought of me still being upset over the loss…Wonderwhy…if she was the kind of person who was open to talk and hear things out, I would have called at some point and expressed my feelings…but she just cant digest what Im saying…she has ALWAYS turned things around, deflects things back on me and tells my Im starting problems or looking for drama and never really cares what I have to say. It isnt worth putting myself through that again….I just dont get it all anymore…why call me at all?? why leave me a message?? and why in such a passive/aggressive manner?? ..


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  • #9088 Reply

    lacole
    Participant

    Kathy and Wonderwhy..below message was from me. I hadnt logged in correctly to show my name…


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  • #9091 Reply

    Anonymous

    Hi Lacole~

    I have know idea how your friend ticks but I would say she has issues. I think she left you a message to see if you would respond in any way. She might have noticed that you have changed and you aren’t going out of your way to get the friendship back on track. I can understand you not calling her or going to see her if she is an expert as twisting your words and is just flat difficult to deal with when there is a conflict. As I’ve said before your not the same person and your know longer her doormat and she probably can feel that. Your friendship isn’t the same anymore because you are not going to let her have the upper hand….I would just sit back and watch how she is going to handle thing from here on out. She did care enough to call and she didn’t ask for any favor, so I do think she does care in her own way. I would have the attitude ” It is what it is” who knows why she acts the way she does. You just aren’t going to let her run your show anymore!!


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  • #9092 Reply

    lacole
    Participant

    Hi anonymous….thanks for your words and your past posts….the advice and reassurance are truly helpful…I laughed when I read your first comment about her having issues….so true!!…I wasnt sure about responding or not, but she was kind enough to think of my son and didnt want her to think that that didnt matter, whether her gesture was sincere or not..who knows…the passive aggressive feel to how she operates is so crazy! You are correct about her possibly interpreting how I feel about the friendship…historically, I have always been the one to reach out in some way first, apologize, etc…but, I also wanted her to know I was doing great and moving on, with or without her, and me replying back to her was the opportunity to do just that…Im sure she would have taken great pleasure in knowing I was sitting at home stewing about the whole situation…feeling sad that she was gone…me leaving her a message at least gave her the interpretation that that is not what was happening at all…


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  • #9100 Reply

    Anonymous

    Lacole this is Kathy I was anonymous on the last post….I will be glad when they get this posting thing fixed. Sounds like things are going good for you!!:)


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  • #9113 Reply

    lacole
    Participant

    Hi Kathy….thanks..Im trying. Good days and bad. I never thought I would have a friendship that impacted my life to this degree….I still have many questions that Im sure will remain unanswered, at least for now. I wish I had more good friends and a husband that was more supportive, but it is what it is!! I need to stay strong and do my best everyday…for me!


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  • #9342 Reply

    Anonymous

    I am 63, and don’t really have a job. I am doing care giving in people’s homes and can’t make enough to pay my health care of 850 a month. I was a teacher and then became an RN in 1995. I was an old student. Six years ago I had a DUI and never expected that to take my license away. Here in PA they want you without a drink, go to three AA meetings a week, and meet with other nurses at least once a month and submit to urine screens, whenever. I can’t pay for this anymore. I am not a drunk and do not take drugs. I am wondering because I am so miserable that I lost friends? I don’t know! I have always been the supportive one when a person needs help. I used to laugh, but no more.
    I’d like to find a guy to hang with, I am alone, except for my daughter, newly married and has her own life. I don’t get why people dropped me when I haven’t even told them of my problem. God, I hate to be alone!! I’d rather be hit by a truck, but donate all of my organs first, if that could be arranged.
    Susan


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  • #9343 Reply

    Anonymous

    This really hurts!!! It’s not only her, others have dropped me too and I just don’t know why!!
    Susan


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  • #9346 Reply

    Irene Levine
    Keymaster

    HI Susan,

    I’m concerned about your post. If you feel so desperate that you would rather be hit by a truck, it’s really important that you speak to a mental health professional. You may be depressed—and some support may help you resolve some of your practical problems as well as see them from a different perspective. When people are feeling depressed, it’s especially hard to bond with other people, or to make or keep friendships. I think it’s important enough for you to speak to your daughter and see if she can help you get on the right track.

    My best, Irene

     


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  • #9466 Reply

    Kloe
    Participant

    I just re-read some points because I was having a down day…. i feel all upset today and really down and keep reminding myself that im a wonderful person! lol

    I hate hate that they are all continuing with their lives like i didnt exsist. its erally hard isnt it. Like you dont matter to people. Poo- how depressing. I guess at times like these you need to focus on these horrible friends bad points. im trying that today. trying to remind myself that im better off without her.

    do you live in the states lacole? shame- i wish someone lived near me in uk??


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  • #9471 Reply

    lacole
    Participant

    Hi Kloe…I understand EXACTLY how youare feeling…as my ex-bff has completely cut me off and Im only assuming living her life wonderfully with out me. But I have done this to her as well…no more contact…I would certainly say hello to her or talk if she ever called, but I wont initiate it. I had tried in the past and there was very little “true’ effort from her part, so for my own well being and to save myself any more heart-ache, I needed to just stop. She may be thinking the same for me too…that I have moved on and living just fine without her…I am trying, only what other choice do we all have??


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  • #9472 Reply

    Kloe
    Participant

    My ex is maddeningly glorious in her life which is hard learning through the grapevine. Its even more annoying that her husband who i thought was a friend is all gung ho about me being out of their lives. i really really dont understand what i could have possibly have done. people are sooo mean- weep weep. i can sort of laugh about it but it really hurts. down days are bad. mutual friends are hard too- i kinda want to be a hermit and hide but obviously im a grown up and at work and have a family. i really thought i would be past all this nonsense but it makes me feel so vulnerable and alone and silly.

    sooo do you live in USA?? does anyone live in uk??? id love someone near me i can whinge at….. :o) theres no way we can do private email on this huh??


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  • #9473 Reply

    lacole
    Participant

    I do line in the US…and yes, I have those bad days too…want to be a hermit and just go away for awhile…but in the end, living and staying busy have been the best for me…why let this ex friend take away one more bad day for me!


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  • #9574 Reply

    Anonymous

    My BFF ended our friendship so abruptly, too – I never saw it coming. It’s been two years, and you think that at some point it would stop hurting so much, but it doesn’t. It’s a constant nagging pain triggered by too many happy memories.

    Like someone else posted here, I too feel like a hermit – afraid to make new friends, afraid to get close to people in fear of them leaving me like that again. It really sucks. Mostly I have good days, but every now then I can get really down and sad about what happened. I’m trying to see the positive in this experience and believe that everything happens for a reason. “Getting over it” is so much easier said than done, but I’m working on it!

    Also, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has posted here – knowing that I’m not alone in experience this is so helpful. Thanks for sharing your own experiences to help others!


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  • #9754 Reply

    Peppercat
    Participant

    While I have established a successful run as a food and travel writer, it seems like every few years, the person I allow myself to get closest to not only stabs me in the back, but also goes out on a hate campaign to turn our mutual friends against me. I have survived periods of months alone, and I have used it to develop new hobbies, catch up on reading and do yoga. Sometimes it is the healthiest thing in the world to distance yourself from alpha-friends and groups who never valued you to begin with. When you learn to enjoy your own company, you clean the slate and open yourself up to new people.

    I am old enough to know when the end of the friendship is near, even if it is over several months and I always want to believe it is a passing phase and things will return to normal. When my BFF “Leyla” of ten years wanted to get rid of me, I started deliberately spending less time with her, and when her behavior got really inexcusable (lots of NASTY personal stuff in her life, and she increasingly felt she could treat me like a retard and get away with it because I have a disability that has affected my ability to find the perfect Job and Mr. Right).

    I took matters into my own hands and ended it–now she’s gotten nasty and vindictive because I made the first move–this is a no win situation so all you can do is cut your loses, and not blame yourself for other people’s insanity. Those who stay with you are the ones who are your friends unconditionally. Nobody else is worth knowing about, and you may find hindsight is 20/20 and this so called friend and her husband were more toxic than you realized.

    Elyse

    Peppercat
    Los Angeles, CA


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  • #9756 Reply

    WonderWhy
    Participant

    Well said Peppercat! What you wrote is very empowering and so very true.


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  • #12898 Reply

    Anonymous

    I had a female friend for around two years who would cut herself off on and off from me and leave me feeling hurt and upset and feeling like I could not trust her. Its hard for me anyways as I dont really get on with other woman that well so when she finely cut me out completely, I said sod it ill make new friends. I made a new friend this time male and we got very close, he became like a brother to me and I like a sister to him, so 8 months later after he would call me or text me with his troubles he suddenly stated to act odd with me, I had text saying I was acting like a gf… I was shocked… he said he needed space this was not what he was used to, yet my other male friends all like it that I care about them or am concerned for them if they have problems! He told me his family think that he is a having an relationship with me (Im happily married and my husband knows most of my friends are guys and has no issues mostly). I am left once again upset and confused. Mainly cos my friend has behaved like a woman lol but also how he has mis judged or misunderstood my friendship, I dont no why? He will text me if its work related only now, as we work together , but thats it! Very sad Iv lost a best buddy!


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  • #12904 Reply

    Anonymous

    Being a friend one day and non existent the next is indeed a bitter pill to swallow. We can have many reasons of why we end friendships but those who have never tried to talk it through- and YES there are many cowards out there- that at the first sight if an uncomfortable discussion would rather run than confront. It’s unbelievably disgusting and appalling to end years of friendship with complete silence. It does make you wonder why they were your friend in the first place. If they think so little of you. That rather than say hey you upset me they would just cut you out if their life. It’s horrible. You have my sympathies.

    I cut one friend from my life but we both had had several issues that we discussed so it want a surprise when a year went by and neither of us had talked.

    But when it’s out if the blue- that is very very hurtful


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  • #12911 Reply

    Clara sue
    Participant

    Snap- why do people want to hurt others so bad??? I really really don’t understand it. What causes them to act like that? We’re they faking being nice all that time before?????? What did you do?


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  • #12926 Reply

    Kloe
    Participant

    Lol nothing I could do. I carried the hurt and anger about. I tried to talk it out and move on. Now I don’t think about her everyday if at all for some days. I confess, I get a burst of anger now and then about her preening about in her perfect life but hey that’s natural. I guess that will pass too. The only way is time- and occupy yourself with others. It’s very very difficult to not let it cloud your other friendships but you have to try and move past it. It isn’t fair to let her horrible behaviour dictate your life


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  • #12968 Reply

    Anonymous

    Having been friend dumped with not a single word was very difficult. Granted we had grown apart, but it was still shocking. Having recently dumped a toxic friend, I see another side. The friend I dumped… well…was extremely possesive and jealous whenever I went out with other friends, but she could go out with people all the time. She was so very insecure and I think that played into it a lot. After dealing with very frequent arguments over text for the past few years and walking on eggshells to not upset her when I would do something without her, I finally ended it. It wasn’t silent though. I chose not to say “you’re a psycho and insecure and a bully for telling me who I can and can’t be friends with, and btw, your kids aren’t good for mine either”. She would never in a hundred million years see it that way. Others, many others, have called her out on this behavior before, and EVERY time she would come to me as the victim being “attacked”. Never once considered that maybe she truly did need to change her behaviors. So what would the point have been? So I told her I needed space and that we’d grown apart (both true). It wasn’t silent and wasn’t harsh. However, she keeps pushing. Won’t leave me alone. Doesn’t understand. (again, why would she, because she refuses to do any soul searching as to what she may have done to lead to this)… I acknowledge my part. I didn’t set appropriate boundaries. Lesson learned. But it makes me look back on the friend that dumped me. I can see in retrospect how that friendship had fizzled. I get it. I still would have liked at least a goodbye, but I get it now. But it took me many years and my own experience in letting someone go to get to that place.


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  • #12978 Reply

    Anonymous

    I hope you are feeling better and hope you meet someone nice as you sound like an honest up front caring person. It is very hard when you have been the supportive one then when you need the support it is not there from those you have spent time supporting. All the best and please let us know how you are doing there is always something good around the corner just when you least expect it.


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  • #13026 Reply

    Anonymous

    5 months ago I cut a long term friend out of my life and I have no regrets. She had her good qualities but the hoarding, insane self centeredness, the huge ego that bordered on narcisism and thatshe was extremely passive aggressive. There were too many times that she wasn’t there for me but got very offended over mundane things. The last yime I tried to talk with her about what had been bothering me it turned in to her screaming at me irrationally and crying and blaming me. That was the last straw. Good riddance. I have been working on establishing healthy boundaries in my relationships and have never felt better. I am living MY journey and I don’t owe anyone anything. I have no apologies and the friends and family I have in my life are there because thy appreciate who I am as much as I appreciate who they are. Live life for your happiness and do your best by people but nobody is required to carry on in a friendship with a toxic person.


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  • #13027 Reply

    Anonymous

    Also, some people have serious issues with being honest with themselves. It is highly unlikely that people are shut out of a former friends life for no reason at all. If this has happened to you perhaps you need to take some time to do some self evaluation and soul searching- but do it to better your life, not to get your friend back. Odds are that will not happen. Peace and love to you on your journey :)


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  • #13028 Reply

    Anonymous

    Nicely put WonderWhy!!!!!!!!


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  • #13033 Reply

    Anonymous

    I agree there must have been a reason, for her and her husband to cut you out so completely, one that you have
    not understood. To put it to rest why not ask your friends if they could inform you of the reason, then let it go and move on if you have lots of other friends, you can not be everyones
    darling, learn to love yourself.


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  • #13034 Reply

    pastel01
    Participant

    Kloe has said that she has no idea why her friend cut her off and the friend and her husband must know this from reading her letter. Sometimes things are said/done unintentionally and I believe she had the right to know – especially if the mutual friends know and she hasn’t a clue.


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  • #13035 Reply

    Anonymous

    I could never use the excuse that my friends house was a mess to
    break the friendship. A friend in need is a friend indeed, thats when true friends stick together,warts and all.


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  • #15054 Reply

    Anonymous

    agree- not knowing why youre dumped is horrible


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  • #15057 Reply

    Anonymous

    Your friend reminds me of the mother I watched Dr Phil (on you tube) called Me Me Me – selfish people – about how a mother is in denial about how she treated her daughters as they grew up. This mother did harsh things yet her denial was what was scary and how she did not own up to what she did and acted like she was being attacked when the daughters just wanted her to acknowlege her behaviour – you might find this episode interesting as well. For me it gave me chills because it reminded me of my bff for twenty years and also my father – both could do hurtful things and yet would not acknowlege what they did, and deflect it like the incident didn’t happen, just like the mother in the video.


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  • #15212 Reply

    Anonymous

    I had a “friend” like that. She always thought i was the sensitive one and excluded me. She has now stolen all my other friends and left me hanging. I am confused and I really dont need this rite now. Im gunna show her that she’s not hurting me. I think its because of my physical appearance. She cuts me off. Its sad. Im moving on. Maby ill even start bullying her. No i wont, im just really angry and upset >:/


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  • #15876 Reply

    Anonymous

    Dear anonymous…thank you so much for writing what you wrote about ‘being a friend one day and non existent the next…’ I was beginning to think that how I have been recently treated was acceptable behaviour in other people’s eyes.

    I have been brutally cut out of a friend’s life after 17 years of friendship. We had a disagreement during a tough time in her life when her dog died. However, she treated me very unfairly and really hurt my feelings, and used being upset about her dead dog as a reason for her behaviour. She used her husband to deliver messages and when I tried to email her she was bitter and horrible to me. I have never been given an opportunity to talk it out with her. She just avoids it. One of those cowards you mentioned. The fact is that when it was happening, I was never angry with her. I just wanted to share with her why I felt so hurt. When I tried to express my feelings I was called selfish and told my behaviour was absolutely disgusting. Her dead dog seemed to exonerate her from all wrong doing. She would not acknowledge her own hurtful behaviour. She then blocked me on Facebook. I wrote to her and said that we may need to agree to disagree, but I wanted her to know that her friendship meant more to me than the argument and I wouldn’t give up on her friendship so easily. I even sent a photo of us together. She totally ignored the email and has washed me from her life. I can’t believe I have given her so much of my time over these years (and I was always the one who was nursing her problems as well), and now she dismisses me like I never existed. I feel so hurt, angry and frustrated. Every day since it’s happened I try not to cry or get angry, there are days when the anger swells up inside me. I’m trying to let go, but when you’ve been treated so unfairly, it leaves a knot in your stomach that makes you feel sick. How can I make this go away?


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  • #15916 Reply

    Scorpionwoman
    Participant

    Thank you! I am currently dealing with the end of a 17 year friendship in which we never got the chance to end or repair it. Any effort I made was either ignored or given a half-assed response. Even now I want to reach out again but there is no use, as he will likely ignore it like he has everything else.


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  • #16034 Reply

    assortedcolors
    Participant

    With these kinds of situations I think the best wayy for u to speak ur mind and also let ur friendd speak her mind without anyone walking away and twisting words around is to suggest aan open meeting. Its always really messy when mutual friends are involve. What I mean by open meeting is u and her discuss ur feelings and clarify events that may have been misunderstood therefor causing hurt to one or both of yous, while some of ur mutual friends are there listening. That way ur mutual friends can hear both ur sides at the same time and at the end of the discussion u nor ur friend can’t talk to other people saying different things cuz ur mutual friends would act as witnessess to the actual events.

    I was in a situation where I didn’t trust my childhood friend anymore. She caused me so much pain and so much drama that I started not trusting her. She was one of those people who caused the drama and everyone who she’s been in contact with knows this. I don’t understand why she has friends sometimes cuz she talks about everyone behind their back. Many people have been hurt by her but they still decide to keep her in their lives. As for me after trying so hard to fix our friendhsip, I decided to give up. When I would approach her or reach out she just caused so much drama saying I’m a shady bitch cuz I didn’t hang out with her for a month (cuz I was in the process of moving) I found out i was the topic at her bday party and some mutual friends told me the things she said wasn’t nice. Our mutual friends know how she is and how she lies so say they don’t take what she says seriously. But I hate knowing someone is bashing me. And one other thing, the things she says are made up and exaggerated. Like the shady bitch for not hanging out with her while I was trying to move. Another example is when a whole bunch of us went camping, everyone was piss drunk and she went on with this rumour of how annoying and a bitch I was for 6 months cuz I was trying to get the attention of my bf who was also piss drunk. It was ridiculous cuz for a year after that camping trip she was still talking about me even the fact that I haven’t said a thing to her for a year. Her best friend (allie) talked to my bf crying cuz of how this ex friend of mine acts towards her. My ex friend purposely humiliates allie in front of large groups of friends and my ex friend targets her. Allie confronted my ex friend but my ex friend said she has done nothing wrong. As for me after hearing her little rumours about me my bf posted a general comment about backstabbers on fb. She was the first to react to it. My bf didn’t even name any names just a get general friendship quote. That quote made her realize that her rumours got to back to me and she confronted our mutual friends telling them they’ve made a big mess and asking what they’ve said to me. She was guilty but didn’t admit to it. She txted me saying if I wanted to talk to her I could email her. I told her If she wanted to talk I was willing to talk but only in person with some of our mutual friends so when we walk away she can’t lie about what was said. She never contacted me since. At that point I couldn’t care less about her. And hearing people now and then talk about the drama she’s causing for other people Makes me relieved knowing I no longer associate with such a mnipulative friend. But it makes me sad that mutual friends of ours still hang out with her once in a while knowing she’s the way she is. But for me, I’m not a perfect person but I deserve to have good friends who define friendship the same as me and if misunderstandings happen, they are willing to talk about it for the sake of the friendship. That’s what everyone needs to find, friendship that are positive cuz what’s the point of having friends if they’re just going to make u miserable and belittle you. Its hard to move on and to get over it but ask urself, is this the kind of friendship u want?

    Sorry long rant :)


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  • #16492 Reply

    Anonymous

    Thank you SO much for your comment here – your comment that it is “disgusting and appalling to end years of friendship with complete silence” gives me great comfort in its own way as it happened to me. It’s an unbelievably cruel thing to do to someone. I had a “friend” of 20 years do this to me in late 2004 when I stood up for myself. She never gave a reason, she just never contacted me again. I still grieve for what I thought was my closest and dearest female friend. The hardest part to accept is that no true friend would have ever done this (ooh, that’s a bit spooky, just as I was typing that last sentence, a cup full of pens moved on my desk ! – maybe that’s my late Mum telling me to not be so harsh on my ex friend – my friend and I WERE soul mates, best mates for many many years and I still miss her to bits . We had a lot of drama in both our lives ten years ago and maybe it was just all too much for her and she wanted to walk away and start fresh…) anyway, if any of you reading this want or need to end a friendship, PLEASE tell your soon to be ex friend the reason why… even if it’s terribly painful, it’s not as painful as the person never speaking to again – that’s like a knife through the heart ;-(


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  • #17648 Reply

    Anonymous

    well. the only reason i found your post is because, i did the same thing your friend did to you, i deleted 2 of my friends from my life, and i havent responded to their emails. and i was looking on the net to see how you guys feel about it, since you dont get any response. from the friends that block you, i deleted my friends because im personally not happy right now, with my life, i like to be alone, and not have to go out with people, i easily get tired of friends, and if i dont like something about them i delete them, so my point is, i dont feel bad for deleting them and i will miss them for a while lol but then ill get over it, i do feel bad for them, but i dont want to respond to their messages, and its all on me, its not them, im the one with the issues lol. so if i were u i wouldny feel like i did something wrong.


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    • #139984 Reply

      Love

      This is a response to: I get tired of friends and cut them off.

      This is why you should never take it personally if someone cuts you off. People have emotional issues you know nothing about. I had a friend she had allot of emotional issues–I was grateful when the friendship ended.

      My three female friends had one major thing in common. They didn’t have other friends… they did everything with my friends. OK. I picked the wrong friends.

      When one door closes… rejoice for a better door to open. Same when dating men… you may have bit the bullet.

      Smiling, Love-


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  • #17650 Reply

    Anonymous

    HI ME,
    It sounds like you just do what you want to do without considering the feelings of your friends. If they havent’ done anything so bad to deserve to be dumped it is wrong to just delete them without saying anything. You sound depressed, but nevertheless you could at leasst explain to these people why you’re doing what you do.


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  • #17653 Reply

    Anonymous

    Wow! I think you did a brave thing. I have been through almost the same things as you have. except my ex- friend even got in trouble with the law because of the lying. That is when the dirth started coming to the surface. She hid it from me, saying she went away to spent time with her family for 2 months and a whole lot of lies. A couple of months later I found out and cut her out of my life, no explanation! She did try to contact me, but I never responded.


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  • #17654 Reply

    Anonymous

    What an absolutely horrible post! Lol? You actually laughed at someone’s pain? Friends like you people obviously are better off without you in their lives. Anyone decent who actually had feelings will mourn a good friendship- the loss is very painful for those of us who care.

    If a person cares so little for others, why would you befriend them in the first place.


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  • #17660 Reply

    Anonymous

    Khloe,

    The only thing I can suggest is ask your friend why she cut you off. Maybe you offended her in some way that you don’t know? If so, apologize and try to move forward. If she doesn’t respond, or she explains something to you that doesn’t sound reasonable, well at least you tried.

    But I would not dwell on your mutual friends still seeing her. The problem is between you and your friend, not your mutual friends. Don’t involve them in this, or they will come to resent you. It’s hard to do, but it is the best move.


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  • #17671 Reply

    Anonymous

    Spend all of your energy making new friends and meeting new people. Not a single drop of your energy should go that way. Don’t worry about it, it will all turn out fine.


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  • #17672 Reply

    Anonymous

    We have mutual friends as well and some knew about it and never told me although I was really concerned for her. I decided to let them go. I have no hard feelings against the other friends, but I cannot do this. Time for our ways to part. Within a few months after she got her hooks into the others, her behavior towards me changed. I found out that soem knew and I decided not ask for an explanation, if every one just wants to act as if nothing happened than fine. Afterwards it hid me that she wanted my life all this time. My bf and I have a good life (in her eyes) and she wanted to hook up with one of his friends to have everything I have. After a good conversation with my mom, I decided to leave it all for her. If that is what she wants, she may have all of it. My bf and i have moved on.


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  • #125706 Reply

    Lauren

    Hi,Try to stay positive and hopeful. Not all friendships are meant to be. This is just one of those friendships. Maybe you will never know why. If you truly know that you never insulted her , let her down badly, were mean to her, then just let it go . You can’t force people to like you. This one was just one friendship that was not t meant to be. It’s time to wipe your tears and move on, with a hopeful heart. Good friends will come your way. Give it time.


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  • #139118 Reply

    anonymous

    It has been a while since anyone posted here so this may go unanswered. But, I myself am in a very similar situation to many of these. My “best friend” of almost 20 years cut me out of her life after we had a falling out. I apologized for my part in it and tried to mend things, but it was too late. Now 4 years have passed and I still try to reach out to her the odd time (for example sent her a wedding congrats and valentine) but like someone else said, she either ignores it or gives a half assed response. I am interested in the person (anonymous) who said “my friend cut me off after I stood up for myself.” What exactly did you mean? This is similar to what happened to me also. My ex-bff often teased and put me down. Sometimes it was funny, but other times it felt more like bullying. When I finally confronted her it was the beginning of the end of our friendship. Now I fear the same thing is happening with another friend. I told her something she did that bothered me, and now she seems to be ignoring my texts and distancing herself as well. It doesn’t matter that both these girls had no trouble letting me know when I did something that bothered them. Yet I’m supposed to just accept any kind of treatment from them and not speak up. I have a tendency to be passive and just let things go to the point where I get mad (if the behavior keeps happening) and I am losing friends over it. Unfortunately I’m not sure how to change this and it leaves me wondering if these people were true friends to begin with. They are both super popular and have tons of other friends, and I am not. I wonder if they just liked me as long as they could be in control of things. It seems they have a double standard of thinking they can act however they want and it’s fine, and I should just go along with it, and if I say something against it I’m a jerk.


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  • #139233 Reply

    Lauren

    Hi Anonymous March 8, 2014,
    Anyone who teases you meanly and puts you down is not your friend. She is acting in a hostile aggressive manner towards you. Yes, this is mean and controlling, but really , your don’t need this and you should not put up with it.

    This isn’t friendship…it is controlling , toxic behavior.

    Let go of the toxic people in your life. They are damaging to yourself-esteem. You have to look after your own emotional health.

    Be yourself, and you will be open to finding new friends who will value you as a good person. Don’t tolerate anyone who puts you down. In the meantime, appreciate being your own best friend.
    Good luck and good fortune to you.
    Lauren


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  • #139568 Reply

    anonymous

    Thank you Lauren for your feedback. I appreciate the encouragement. I think one of the hardest parts with this friend is that although she could be mean sometimes, she was also a good friend in a lot of ways (ie. helped me do several things when I needed her) and we had a lot of fun together. I took the good with the bad for a long time, but it became too much when she really started bragging about how great her own life was. I felt like she was trying to put herself in a higher position and keep me down below her. Anyway, you are right that I must move on from that situation. As for my other friend, I think we are back on track now. I just have to make my wishes known and stand my ground with her, instead of letting her control things all the time. Thanks again!


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  • #139638 Reply

    Lauren

    You are welcome! It sounds like you are right on track as to being strong, and insightful and as to being a good friend to others, and to yourself.
    Best,
    Lauren


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  • #139981 Reply

    Love

    I surround everyone on this blog with infinite love. Here is a bit of wisdom from someone a bit older.

    1. You can never ever lose someone who truly loves you! The people who leave without a word, never really loved you. That’s the truth. Some people don’t know what real love and friendship is… don’t take it personally.

    2. Love is kind all the time. If someone loves you and is kind–they will respect you enough to talk to you. (Male or female.)

    3. Sometimes we befriend the wrong people. I have had two long term girlfriends cut me off.. both relationships about 10 years. When I looked at the relationship–I realized that we weren’t compatible as friends. We had different backgrounds, I had more education, different beliefs (I’m an atheist and they are Christians.) And I received more attention from men. I also realized I wasn’t able to be my authentic self. So, I learned from those relationships.

    I was choosing the wrong female friends. Now, I choose wisely. Also, no relationship is forever or guaranteed.

    Bottom line is… allow love to come in go. Enjoy the moments and surround them with love. A coward runs away… a truly respectful and healthy friend will tell you the truth. Be grateful for the experience and move on and live with an open heart.

    Love you all!


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  • #141020 Reply

    Ruth

    Hi Khloe,
    I stumbled apon this post and your other one as I am going through an almost identical scenario at the moment (it started around 5 months ago). I do have some insight into why my friend felt like our friendship was no longer working, but in my opinion it was nothing that deserved the complete freezing out that followed, she has simply erased me from her life.

    I like you have struggled as we have mutual friends. As a frequent organiser my ex-friend would exclude me from arrangements as she obviously didn’t want me there and my other friends would just go along with it, not wanting to ‘get involved’. As someone that was, and is still, hurting incredibly at times, it has been hard to not see these actions as these mutual friends ‘taking sides’, not ‘having my back’ and also that their passive behaviour simply says that it is fine that I have been ditched and am being excluded and that the emotional impact it has had on me is irrelevant. I think it has definitely impacted on these mutual friendships (if mainly in my mind and the way I perceive them and fear losing them as brutally as I lost my other friend), especially in the initial months when the situation was dawning on me bit by bit. I have tried my very hardest not to blame these people, as I value them individually in many ways, and I try now to view these friendships as singular entities, although it has not been easy.

    I have found the last 5 months an incredible struggle, I have been depressed at times, questioned myself as a person, questioned and feared for my other relationships, been terrified I am a bad person, unlovable, draining, needy, faulty and I have felt incredible shame (after all, people are bound to think there is something ‘wrong’ with me, or that I did something ‘awful’ to warrant such drastic treatment). Not one day has gone by when I have not thought about it, at times dwelling on it for hours, staying awake at night or distracted from my work. I am trying to learn to love myself and forgive myself for mistakes I may have made in that friendship (I am not perfect, no, but I still feel I am a good friend, and my ex-friend was not a perfect friend either, I still would never have walked away from her), it is so hard though, and sometimes I feel as if I may never feel totally happy again.

    It really has been the ultimate rejection, someone that knew me inside out, has decided they no longer want to speak or interact with me. I have made attempts to reach out, but they have been met with polite and stand offish responses and no further effort on her behalf. I would write her a letter as you did but knowing my ex-friend I feel this might just irritate her and highlight the differences between us that probably were the catalyst for her cutting me out in the first place.

    I wondered how you are doing now? Do you feel any better? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Or will I feel this pain, self loathing and shame at being ‘dumped’ forever?

    I would love to hear your thoughts,

    Best wishes,

    Ruth x


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    • #141193 Reply

      Chana

      Ruth,
      I feel like I am mirroring the EXACT same thing you are going through. It has caused me significant anxiety and depression to the point I needed therapy. I have never been so hurt and devastated. I would wake up at 2:00am and think about it for hours. I think some women or groups of women just cannot stand on their own and think independently. They bring each other down and if they want another friend to be down on the same person, they will think of everything to convince them to go along and then the peripherals of the group go along. I am shocked how like you said someone can know you inside and out and you spend a lot of time with, just flick the switch on you.
      I will never get close to or trust anyone again.
      My husband has been affected but this as he is friends with their husbands so this causes me major guilt as well.
      I have decided to try to move on but trying to figure out how. Summer is the the difficult because it is such a social time.
      Good luck to you….I feel for you :(


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  • #141036 Reply

    Clara

    Ruth,

    I really feel for you as I am reading your post. I have been in a very similar situation for a couple of years now, and it really does hurt. The hurt does ease in time, but I have yet to get to the point where it has completely gone away. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. People can be incredibly mean or insensitive in how they treat others, sometimes without even realizing what they are doing. It doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. I would stop trying to reach out to this friend and focus for now on building relationships with other friends outside of your mutual friendship circle. Try reading Irene’s book and others on friendship loss, and you will find that this type of situation happens more often than you realize.


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  • #141064 Reply

    Lauren

    Hi Kloe,

    Sorry that this happened to you. I hope that you are feeling better about the situation now. Time does heal the pain.

    Remember, why make someone a priority in your life , when you are only an option in her life?

    Friendships fade and die, as not all friendships are meant to last forever. It’s sad, but the upside is that it’s a learning process and now you can have more room in your life for new friends.

    All the best to you.


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  • #141191 Reply

    yourmothersir

    The same exact thing happened to may after high school… I remember how gut wrenching it was. On top of that someone very close to me had just died. I just remember not seeing Sophie on instant messenger like usual. I called, no one answered. I finally made another aim account and discovered i had been blocked. When I think about it now, I was really really pathetic. I kept trying to talk to her, trying to be her friend. It crushed me… I also lost another very close friend, Angela, around the same time. I really had lost everyone I thought I could trust… and honestly I just sunk into low self esteem and depression…. I pursued a hallow, dead, friendship for years. Eventually Angela and I were friends again. I remember six years after Sophie ditched me Angela had a big party. She decided to invite Sophie too. I decided to be mature and not be hostile towards Sophie. I ignored her. Eventually she approached me.. We did talk, and she friended me on facebook… However all those years wanting her back. by this point I really didn’t care… Also, during those years where i lost Sophie I realized all of the problems I had and I had become a better person… Now that I had gotten stronger by my self she wanted to swoop in and enjoy the ‘spoils of war” in a sense. Also…. I had gotten over it…. Honestly Sophie is on my friends list still… However, I have never spoken to her about what happened… But I will. I feel like I can’t let one person call the shots in a friendship, or have a friend who is only their during the good times. We may never be friends again after the discussion.. However, things would never be the same after the day she cut me off… NEVER, become obsessed with one or two friends that leave you. There are faithful people out there. I know it feels like your world is ending when you lose a friend, but you will over come this and meet true, faithful friends.


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  • #141225 Reply

    Amy

    Wow so glad to finally find a website to put my problem on. Been searching forever. Anyway….

    I had had a BFF for about 2 1/2 years until about 5 months ago. Here’s the story: we met in eighth grade and we had so much fun with each other and although we had troubles we loved each other to death. So I never noticed it until 5 months ago but she had started to gain a new BFF. We had a group of 5 girls who got along great. This included the we girl. So this new friend already had a best friend. But after my best friend and thai girl started to hang out more, they would do stuff without all our group recently. Just my old best friend and this girl. I talked to the other 2 girls in my group to see if they were feeling excluded and TEY agreed. Now , I’m not a mushy gushy person so I’m not one to say awwww poor me I feel left out, because I feel like that would make them dislike me even more. So by this time I’m trying to save my best friend and my relationship. One week her new est fried went away for a week and we got to work Ina project together and we had fun, so I thought oh we haven’t lost what we had. But only to be stabbed with a post on instagram with her friend posting a pic and my BFF saying ” don’t ever leave me alone again” when I clearly spent had time with her. So I have her the benefit of the doubt and decided to see if she kept her Instagram pics of me up because she hadnt poster a pic with me and her for over 6 months. So I looked through her old pics and finally realized she had deleted them. Now I finally felt the sting. And only to go out to dinner wih a group with them both in it and when it was just is three at one point her new BFF says right in front of me, ” we need to hang out like soon!” And since I was tere. My old BFF was like “oh the group” and the girl was like “we’ll yeah I guess but i meant just me and you “. So I talked to my mom about it and she said to give her the silent testament for a week to see if she responded. I also decided not to invite her to my birthday. ) oh and she still hasn’t asked me why I won’t get I to conversations with her . I thought she would care about our relationship enough to say hey why aren’t we talking anymore? But she hasn’t. And I think she knows it’s something she did because if it was me she would make a big deal out if it like she always does when Someone has wronged her. Idk. Looking at all the old pictures makes me want to cry. I’m a string person but this is hitting me hard and she HA no idea she just thinks I’m a bitch who won’t talk to her anymore(I’m assuming?) an my other friend told me the other day i should realllly try talking to her because.she isnt mad at me. Thing is I already knew she wasn’t mad at me, BECAUSE THERE IS NITHING TO BE MAD ABOUT! I should be the mad one. And I am.


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  • #151006 Reply

    Anoymous

    I am in the exact same boat as you! I have this really good friend, and we hanged out for years. And these days, she punches me kicks me, and says it is an accident, but it always seems like she is purposely trying to hit me. Also, my friend’s so kind in one minute, and so mad and sassy the next. And her other friend she has also seems like they are gossiping about me, and negative comments about how stupid I am… Seriously, I just accidental say things that I don’t mean! Also one thing to add; my friend is SO cute and nice-looking, and talks in a cute voice so that everybody likes her. Even she says stuff that hurts other people in a cute voice, which hurts really bad to me. Now, it looks like everyone is getting used by her, and whenever she insults me, her other friends join in and agree on her, and I don’t have anyone rooting for me because I am the only (tomboy) that fits in. I try to be myself, but that is what’s wrong with me!!! My personality is just twisted; (boyish in one minute and girlish the next)! I am so frustrated,but I still have girls in my class that is nice to me, and agrees with me so nicely; I am currently trying to avoid my friend, so I won’t be friends with her anymore,… But how can I do that, when my desk is right next to hers?!?


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  • #151013 Reply

    Lauren

    Hi,
    This “friend” whom you describe is not a friend in any sense of the word. She sounds like a mean girl, and now you must recognize this, and then the next step is to minimize your contact with her. Yes, this will be difficult as her desk is right next to your desk in school.

    A couple of things here, the school term will soon be over, but in the meantime you should ask your teacher if you could move to a different desk, and explain to the teacher about how she kicks and punches you, pretends it was an “accident”, and how she gangs up on you with other girls. You may also want to tell your parent(s) as you need all the back up that you can get in this horrible situation.

    Yes, you describe the mean girl type perfectly when you speak of her. Nice one minute and mean, nasty (and in her case also violent) the next minute. She can also be quite charming to you and to others at times. This is true to form for a “mean girl”. This is the mean girl modus operandi (MO).

    It is good that you recognize all of this and that you want to get away from her. Follow you gut instinct, and concentrate on getting away from her. Don’t hang out with her, don’t meet up after school, etc. You can tell her that you are busy if she asks you why you don’t want to hang out. Remember she will use her phony “charm” to lure you in again. They like having someone to hurt. Don’t let it be you.

    Yes, other girls will join in when she picks on you (crowd mentality/psychology). They are the submissive, weaker ones who will gladly follow the dominant “leader”, and pick on you. They are all actually cowards who join a group to pick on one person.

    I do think that you should ask your teacher for a few minutes of her time and let her/him know what is happening, and also you may want to tell your parents. You need some back up in this bad situation.

    I wish you all the best. Be strong.


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  • #152044 Reply

    Razaan

    Something similar like this story happened to me…I felt like my heart was ripping apart… All I did was hang out with my other friends for two week like he was a stranger….then I started to forget him and thought that when one door closes thousand opens… Fortunately one day he came near me and started to talk to me like nothing happened , I knew there was a reason and asked him what happened?… He told me that his friends were jerks and bla bla bla.. I felt so happy like a missing part of my heart returned to me…..so what I’m trying to tell is that u need patience..and don’t give a damn about her and just ignore her… If she truly is a friend she will come back to you …just wait:p


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  • #152056 Reply

    Rose

    I’m glad someone revived this thread. I’ve been going through something similar and it was interesting to read everyone’s perspectives.
    Assorted Colors- if you are still reading this, your comment really resonated with me and I think your opinions were spot on. “I’m not a perfect person but I deserve to have friends who, when misunderstandings arise, will talk to me for the sake of the friendship”.
    This is something that I’ve been struggling with- I miss my friend who disappeared from my life without explaination (although I suspect she was influenced by an alpha woman in this friendship circle). It broke my heart and I miss our friendship before she became this woman’s sidekick, but deep down I know I deserve better. Its sad but it’s like waking up and realizing our decades of friendship had been fake and she just needed someone to be “friends” with until she found someone else, like she was just waiting to trade up. It’s not a fun thing to realize but I hope it’s a first step towards finding closure within myself because it’s clear I’m not goin to find it from this phony friend.


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  • #152088 Reply

    Lauren

    Hi Rose, I’m sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Life is a learning process and soon you will be able to look back and find valuable lessons from this situation.

    Perhaps you saw the friendship as more important and much better and stronger than she did. Yes, these things do happen, more often that we realize.

    In your case, was there actually a “misunderstanding” or is it that she found someone else to hang out with who suited her better? If so, that’s tough, but there is nothing that you can do to change the situation. It sounds like she is fickle, and had nothing to *explain* to you at all. She just felt like moving on.

    It is good that you realize that you will only find closure from within yourself, and then you will be able to move one and learn from this experience.

    I wish you all the best.


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  • #152096 Reply

    Alakiki

    Abruptly ending a relationship is sometimes the only way out for some people, especially if they were being mistreated by a friend for years. It isn’t that they were never your friend or didn’t care, although that can happen, it is usually done to avoid a fruitless confrontation leaving everyone with hurt feelings


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  • #152412 Reply

    Angie

    Kloe, what happened to you is exactly what has happened to me today…It hurts so much but overall I just want a reason and answer to why, I hate lies and especially being left to wonder knowing somethings wrong, I am angry but I feel a bit relieved knowing the truth now not coming from her but seeing it with my own eyes. Now I know I wasn’t crazy to assume she was just pulling the pity card with me worst part is she would tell me I was her only true friend and that all the other people she would joyfully talk to were just a bunch of followers of hers. I didn’t really understand why she would say that if she would go out to see these people and act like there friends. Maybe in a way I lucked out of being lied to for the rest of my life. I hope your heart heels Kloe and remember to not ponder to much cause then she will always take control of your mind and make you feel worthless, your not, no one deserves this but we have to accept it and move on with loving ourselves even if others cant love us for who we are.


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  • #153026 Reply

    Joe

    Hi Kloe, I know exactly how you feel. I too was treated this way by a good friend. The reason she is able to just carry on with her life and not be affected is because she has the ball in her court. she cut you off. These people have serious control issues. She has a feeling of empowerment by what she is doing.My advice and what i did was totally disappear. THere were friends of her friends that still wanted to hang but i didn’t want to see them anymore. It just wasn’t the same. So i left. I got a feeling of empowerment by leaving. Its been a part of my healing. I even tried reaching out only to be shot down and that hurt even more. Its best to stop all contact and find closure in the fact that you tried. It helped for me. I had to come to terms that the person and the relationship i once knew,was dead. over and gone. This person taught me what indifference means. good luck and don’t ever compromise self respect when trying to salvage a relationship. Thats my best advice.


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  • #153031 Reply

    Dionne

    People change and grow and sometimes over time they just no longer feel close to us and sometimes we are the ones who no longer feel close to them. This is a basic fact of life. Painting them with ugly words and playing the victim is inaccurate and entitled. It assumes they signed a lifetime contract with you and owed it to you to be in your life until death. Very, very few friendships last that long and no one owes you anything. I someone wants to move on, don’t cling to a detail to be outraged over. It is not socially acceptable to tell someone to their face that you simply don’t feel anything in common with them anymore. People are expected to have some snap and those who don’t get it usually just don’t want to get it. They are the controlling ones. Leave people alone when it’s clear that’s what they want. Get how it works.


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  • #153035 Reply

    Dionne

    I’m sorry, I should have clarified, I read this thread back from the beginning and was replying to the topic in general, not any particular poster.

    I don’t like it when people demonize anyone who wants to move on from them. Or rather, I think it is often just a very unrealistic and unfair position. With exceptions, of course.


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  • #153172 Reply

    Lesley

    Hi – my friend of 33 years stopped talking to me the day after my 50th birthday. She had been having an affair for 12 months and finally left her partner for the new man. Me and my husband used to go out with her and her former partner all the while. When she left him we still remained friends with him as he had done nothing bad and was to all intents and purposed the innocent party.

    She really expected me to stop being his friend which I found really odd but chose to not discuss him with her or her with him. On my 50th birthday I only wanted my close family and her to celebrate with me and I had a fantastic evening. My friend came round the next morning and realised I had asked him a very small favour – she walked out of my house and hasn’t spoken to me since. It hurts and I miss her.


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    • #153187 Reply

      Dionne

      Lesley, I don’t think your friend’s expectation was odd at all. I was surprised that you said that because what you’ve done is not the norm and I’m not surprised your friend cut you off for it. With every couple I know who has divorced, it’s rare for people to remain friends with both of them. Especially if someone is a longstanding friend of one of them from before the marriage, they stick with their same-sex friend and let the friend’s spouse go.

      Here you’ve also judged that her ex-husband was the innocent party. I don’t condone cheating, but we don’t know the whole story of what all went on in their marriage so we can’t judge anyway.

      Just to give you a different perspective, that’s how it seems to me.


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  • #153178 Reply

    jack

    I had similar experience. My best friend (He) cut me of leaving no reason. Ours was a 10 years friendship. I always thought nothing get part us. Even super natural powers. We were like brothers. I shared everything with him. He knew all my passwords and everything. I never had anything to hide from each other. My first priority was him and no one else in this world. One day he got married, that marriage divided us big time. He got more attached to his wife and he didn’t care and had no time for me. I told me not to meet or telephone him. If I did, he would not meet me or respond to any of my calls. I was hurt! I asked him the reason why he wants to leave. He told several illogical reasons. Since his intention was to leave, he told me many reasons. Most of the reasons were against me. I fell on his leg to apologize. I pleaded not to leave but he quit. He is still a good friend of mine but the truth is I will never get him back. He is just gone! I always pray god for his health and I wish he lives long. I know he doesn’t care for me but I always care him. Even if I die, I will pronounce his name and die. I couldn’t take the pain. Everybody says time is the best cure. But I am unable to forget those golden days. I don’t know for what reasons he quit me but he will be my best friend ever and ever. Nobody can replace my best and coolest Pr***th Penug***nda.


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  • #153188 Reply

    Dionne

    Jack, I’m sorry you were hurt by losing a friend but I can see why he backed off, to be honest. What you posted is way beyond anything I’ve ever heard of in a straight friendship. You sound like you are in love with him and obsessed with him. No wife wants her husband’s boyfriend hanging around.


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  • #153244 Reply

    Kate

    Hi Jack, This is a very painful situation for you. Because you obviously have a great capacity for deep friendship, I think you will be able to meet someone new with whom you can have a deep bond. When you first lose someone, it’s natural to feel that there will never be another person with whom you can have such intensity; but there will be, because the ability to care so deeply is still there within you.


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  • #153249 Reply

    Lesley

    Dionne – Him and my husband had become best friends during the 15 years they were together so this also made the situation difficult. I can say he was the innocent party – she even admits that. We were all four very close seeing each other at least 3 times a week and going on holidays together.

    When she left him she even encouraged me and my husband to remain friends with her ex, as she said she knew she had hurt him and we would be able to offer him support.


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  • #154295 Reply

    Someone

    My bff decided to shut me out she erased me from her contacts and I did to same to her shortly after a like 3 or 4 texts.
    This is the conversation:
    me- Hey
    her- who is this
    me- (my name)
    her- good bye
    me- did I do something wrong
    her- LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!
    _________END OF CONVERSATION_____________
    So she never told me what I did wrong….. I don’t even know what to do when I see her again. But here’s one question do I pretend that she was never in my life or like pretend nothing happened and forgive her and then ask for forgiveness from her?


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  • #154298 Reply

    Dionne

    This sounds very strange. You have NO idea why she cut you off? Not even a guess?

    If that’s the case, when someone tells you to leave them alone, I’d say you leave them alone.

    I am not sure why you said you would ask forgiveness from her if she asked forgiveness from you, though. What on earth would you need forgiveness for?

    So, if you see her, no I wouldn’t talk to her since she’s made it clear that’s not wanted.

    If she changes her mind, if it was me, she better have a very good excuse, and I can’t even think of what would be a good enough excuse. If she had a problem with you, she should have talked to you, not this craziness.

    I don’t like people who do this kind of thing. To me it feels like “emotional violence.” It would make me feel horrible so I would probably not resume the friendship and give her a chance to do it again. Good luck.


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    • #154317 Reply

      Solange

      A reply to Someone:

      In that case do to her and see how she’ll react.
      In brief,do as you have been throuh with her unfathomable behaviour,see if she

      Likes being suddenly cutting you off,without giving a cohent reason.

      With friends like her…who needs enemies.


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  • #154315 Reply

    Lauren

    I had a similar thing happen with me and and a friend except I was the one who cut them off. Recently she texted me asking me why I haven’t talked to her and blocked her. I just ignored it and went on with my life. I know if I respond she’ll go off on me again and mention how awful I am. That’s how our falling out started in the first place.I also wonder why she just decided to text me after 3 years when she could have asked me this right after our falling out.Before this falling out occurred, I was starting to realize how much of a horrible friend she was despite how nice she was. My ex pointed this out and so did few other people I just met.

    How she went off on me: I started to follow her boyfriend on social media- she said I should- I did after awhile of being told. Her bf and I talked once in awhile and we had a lot in common. You could clearly see this on social media – it was public. Well before that happened she had started to follow my bf way before I even did. He asked my brother who she was and he said it was one of my friends, he was hesitant but confirmed/accepted her requests on some social media. Then fast forward to 2 years later and she asks me why i’m following her friend since they are asking & she was wondering and said that she asked permission to follow my boyfriend (which she didn’t) and I called her out on that. I think it was weird how she referred to her bf as friend and if he really didn’t know me then he could have just declined my request/not followed me and talked to me. I asked why she followed my bf since he had to ask who she was and then she of course said it wasn’t true but that he had started to follow her. That’s when she went off on me, saying how much I changed after high school and that I was an awful friend. I did look at her friend/bfs photos and saw that he was taking pics with another girl. I don’t know if she made up that he was her boyfriend since they probably went out only once or twice before he realized he didn’t like her like that or what happened since I guess I was the only person she told. Oh yeah one time she wanted me to tag along on her date with him- they were classmates! she got made when I didn’t. I also don’t know if its because my bf declined her friend request on a social media that shares your location.

    Even before I cut her off she was starting to get even more inconsiderate of me and always expected me to drop what I was doing just to hang out with her.I sometimes couldn’t hang out due to babysitting or work or I was broke- She wasn’t the type to cover me either. It got to a point where she was starting to stalk friends I made at her school and she would stalk my social media and purposely make plans same day my new friends invited me or call me during times she knew I would be out. Before that happened I would even tell her when I would be home visiting and yet she never made the effort to at least let me know she would be busy or ask when we should hang out. Sometimes she would make plans and cancel last minute no explanation until I either got to the place or called to ask what happened. Then if I ran into someone and hung with them she got mad. If someone mentioned me in a post she got mad. She also started to hang out more with 2 of our mutual friends and invite me last minute or day of or never (saying I would say no anyways). I was always busy or not in town when that happened. She also didn’t like how I stopped coming home often since I would be hanging out with my new friends – then again its not like she made the effort to hang out even when I let her know ahead of time I would be home. We really only hung out a handful of times since I moved from my hometown. I actually hung out more with old high school acquaintances than her. Oh and she would get mad if I didn’t respond promptly to texts yet if she took awhile or days she would always excuse herself by saying she was busy or out of town. Since I remember I always had to be the first to text first. I got tired of a lot of stuff she did and her going off on me was the last straw.


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  • #154319 Reply

    Solange

    To Someone:

    How droll,suggest you ignore,and find a genuine good friend who will stick toward–

    you in good will and NOT act like spoilt BRAT.

    I have never had friends like her thank the lord.

    We might have had differences,but never act in such puerile way.

    What is more I gather,she must have a hidden agenda,you were never aware of?

    Cheer up..and beware when next get attached to such friend as her.


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  • #154383 Reply

    Someone

    So my best friend had texted me (weird) and had asked if I was mad, and to be honest I was both mad and confused. I told her I wasn’t but what do I do I mean I thought that she would not be so serious about her jokes. I mean she shut me out because of a joke that she made. Do I just forgive her for shutting me out and literally making me cry or ignore her I mean I’ll have to see her anyways because she is in the same group of friends as me. But then again it wouldn’t be the first time she has shut me out, the last time wasn’t as bad she just wouldn’t talk to me or sit at the same table. So what should I do? I really want to be able to get through this process but heaven only knows what’s going to happen.


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  • #154384 Reply

    Dionne

    Someone- If your friend cuts you off often and you didn’t do anything to deserve it, I don’t think that’s anyone you need to put up with. A friend should be on your side in life, not tear you down.

    If you decide to back off from her, you might just treat her like an acquaintance so you don’t have to give up the whole group. But if they’re a bunch of mean girls, you don’t need them. Good luck.


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  • #155177 Reply

    Annon

    I’ve experienced being cut off by someone I grew close to in a short period of time.We are both female and she suddenly turned weird with me after a few months of being friends and although I don’t miss her it’s not great when someone you have confided in about your problems as a friend and vice versa just shuts you out when they grew to know your inner thoughts and feelings and even dragged them out of you.I won’t be reaching out to her but do wish I hadn’t confided in her so much. Got a random message from her telling me she wanted to be honest with me but never did clarify with me what this honesty amounted to despite my invitation to tell me what she meant and since then she’s just ignored me.So without being a mind reader not sure how I am meant to know what she meant. Too weird to resume any kind of friendship for me.These things happen.You have to accept it and let them get on with it.


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  • #155306 Reply

    Emily

    Hi.
    I looked this up because I wanted to know what it is like for the other side. I have in fact been suddenly cut of for no reason only to have them see me and act as if nothing had occurred then blocking me out again but I just got over it. First few times it took a couple of years but now it takes a couple of months. I’ve cut off about people just like that. Some because they were stalkers, one because they became a creep, and the last one for no reason. This is the one eating me away.
    I just suddenly realized I was sick of them and they, it might sound mean but I am just being honest, disgusted me. Just the sound of their name was ugh. Only reason we had become friends was through mutual friends but since those friendships fell out and I got a break from them I realized it. I was only friends with them because they were around. Don’t get me wrong, I invested A LOT into the friendship. I was there for them and tried to be a good friend, probably trying to convince myself we could be friends, but just like that I don’t want to hear of them again. I’ve wanted to cut off all but a hand full of friends before I moved. Most of them used me and I realize they were toxic for me and I never really liked them either just tricked myself into thinking that so. Or all their constant me me me and me helping them and them leaving me hanging when I needed help finally got to me and made me despise them. The guilt of cutting off the friend that was you could say my best friend eats at me and every time I start to forget it comes back to haunt me. I want just want to move on and live my life. The reason I didn’t confront them was because it would have gone badly.
    “Why do you suddenly not want to talk to me?”
    “I suddenly realize you’re annoying and a waste of my time.”
    I wish them the best and have no clue why I suddenly fell out like that just by not being around them for a while. It isn’t the first time either with them. The last time we were forced by a mutual to be friends again but since I moved I couldn’t be forced since the mutual had cut me out also.
    They are a great person and if I am toxic for cutting them out then good for them!! That means I, the sick friend like some of you have said, will no longer lie to herself and them that they are good friends and make the lie grow bigger and hurt more later. I just want to move on with my life.
    People come and go. I’ve been in both sides and yeah it hurts to be left but it also hurts to leave even thought at the same time you don’t care. I feel extremely guilty that I want to cry but then I also want to cry because it wasn’t a friendship I wanted to keep being a part of. If someone drops contact with you for a long time and you try to reconnect three times and it doesn’t work them, you’re better off separated because you shouldn’t force it. Let them and you just forget about it. Yeah yeah years of memories and time wasted but why force something that does not want to be.
    It takes two to keep a relationship going, if one stops trying and caring it is over no matter how hard the other side keeps trying. Do yourself and them a favor and find a new friend who will treasure you like they didn’t. If they do not need you then you do not need them either. No reason to stay on it. Millions of people in the world and the only thing you have to not make new friends are excuses, specially since we have the internet now. Replace them with a better and healthier friendship and let them be. They’ll return if they want to and if they do not who cares? You got new friends. QUIT THE EXCUSES and move on just like they did. It might hurt and linger but why keep the cut open when you can just let time do the healing and leave a scare instead of an open wound.


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  • #156281 Reply

    Ed

    Hey everyone,
    I’m currently going through this. I met a person online and we shared some contact info to keep in touch. I think of her as a pretty good friend. We’ve spoken almost every day for well over a month now. She asked me if I wanted to Skype with her at some point in our friendship but I was nervous and told her it was a bit uncomfortable for me. She said that it was totally fine and I shouldn’t worry about it. A couple of days ago she asked me if we just stop talking to each other. When I asked her why she told me because she thought internet friends were pointless and that she got attached to easily to them and wanted to Skype with them or meet them and it was emotionally draining for her. I told her that I thought of her as a friend just as much as my irl friends. I also said that if she really did want to Skype then I would be willing to try it. She accepted but later told me she had to think about it. Yesterday she told me she was unsure if she wanted to Skype with me. After I asked her about it she said she was scared of becoming emotionally attached to boys and she was cutting off the ones that were getting close to that.

    I feel lost. I don’t understand why it’s such a bad thing in her eyes to become attached to someone. I told her that I felt attached to her but she hasn’t responded in the entire day. I told her that she’s a very important friend, and she is, but she seems to switch between being indecisive and adamant that she wants to cut things off with me.

    I’m scared that I’m going to lose a dear friend and there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I told her how I feel about our friendship but I think she’s really dedicated to cutting me out of her life. I suspect that one of the reasons why she’s doing this is because there’s a good chance that we will never meet. I’m really struggling to maintain my friendship with her. I want to Skype with her but she seems to have already made her decision.


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    • #157016 Reply

      Nancy

      Kloe it’s sad but you have to examine yourself too. Grownups don’t just leave for no reason. Sometimes it has something to do with your behavior too. Either you don’t keep secrets, she feels like instead of supporting her or be happy for her when she accomplishes or gets something you are acting like competing with her. Maybe you took more and gave nothing on that friendship or she moved to a different stage in life, like you just want to party and she doesn’t want to do that anymore.

      Almost two years ago I left a friendship of 15 years and I have never been happier. Left someone that we were like grew up together was not easy but looking back now I still feel I did the right thing.

      I gave her more than ten chances but one day I sat down and knew the friendship wasn’t worth the headache anymore.

      First she was very jealous and she had to be the first one to get anything before me like a good car, a good house etc. To make her happy I tried so much to make it like as was not a big deal if I did something before her or got anything before her.

      She was still talking to my ex that I dated before I met my husband. Whenever I told anything about my husband she would go and tell him. She didn’t even know him before we started dating but they were still talking until 2 yrs ago when I decided to end the friendship. Mind you I dated my husband for 2 yrs and at that time we were married for 6 yrs. I didn’t mind them talking but I thought once I broke up with him, would be nice to cut off all the communications with him too.

      She is one of those people their phones are working only when they need you, but when you need them always have something to do or some thing is wrong with their phones. We used to talk every day or every other day but if I left a msg that I was looking for something or asking about something she would literary not return my call for even up to three weeks. Even if it was a text msg would never replied it at a reasonable time.

      Another thing was that she was like competing with me instead of us supporting each other. For example if I bought a certain handbag or a car etc …she would go and get the same thing or something more expensive. When we bought our first house she forced her husband to get a house though they were not ready to get that kind of house at that time bc of the students loans they still had etc. They ended up got a $1M house and didn’t go that well. They were fighting about their finances every other day. They had to short sale the house and lost a lot of money.

      As I said though We used to talk every day or every other day but she would never pick up my calls when she was at home. Always was when she had time to spare while shopping or on the road looking for someone to talk to about her busy life, her mother in law etc. But whenever she called me and if I didn’t pick the phone she would call over and over and over. She used to call at 6 am or 12 am on a weekdays without caring if we were sleeping or not. She always wanted to know what we were doing on the weekends or the details of all our vacation plans so she could do something bigger and better than us.

      The final straw was when she didn’t bring her kids to my daughter’s 5th birthday party and pretended she forgot everything about it. Then when I said something she changed the story and said her little one was not feeling well. Her kids, one is a yr older and another one is a yr younger than my daughter. They knew each other as cousins but she didn’t care about that just her jealous was over her head. That was the first big party we ever did to our daughter. She forgot while all the ideas and places we discussed together? She was mad because she wasn’t the first one to throw a big party to her daughter who is 10 months older than my daughter. She didn’t do anything special for her when she was 5 and I didn’t think that was a bad thing and to know the kind of a woman she is just three months after my daughter’s birthday party she went and threw a big party to her daughter who turned 6.

      So you have to evaluate yourself, don’t just complain and feel like they don’t have the right to leave. I never talked to her since she told me she forgot to bring the kids to a birthday party. We since have moved out now we live like 25 miles apart and I go to a different church so there is no possibility to meet and add headache or decide to start the friendship again. I’m happy that I raise my daughter without any competition.


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    • #157030 Reply

      LoveUrself

      Ed, you should make your own post here to get a proper response and get the best of what this forum has to offer, but since you have mentioned your problem, my opinion is that you should let her go.

      1. She might be not who she says she is and is getting nervous to Skype.

      2. If anything she said is true, then she really sounds like she’s found a healthier option to a having a social life and realised that the online business is unhealthy.

      Either way, respect her wishes and back away. There’s nothing either of you to get from this online friendship, it’s not as real as you may think and people get played all the time. You need to be careful, you really do not know who is on the other side. Send your ‘goodbye’ and block her, move on, live the real life, it’s much more satisfactory to be around tangible friends.


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  • #156999 Reply

    Jilian

    ED, you didn’t say what site you met your friend and your age. Speaking as a woman it’s important to know there is a time for everything. You can’t just stay as friends forever unless you both already had your social lives going. You need to upgrade and move to the next level. If you don’t no matter the friendship no one will stay and wait unless the site was not for meeting people for dating.

    Different age groups take different time to move form one level to another. She wasn’t looking for a friend just to talk online but she was looking for something more meaningful. If she found what she wanted, she has every right to stop to put that energy to you and concentrate into the other meaningful relationship.

    She thought you were not ready for what she was looking for. You staying on friendship level doesn’t work on women of a certain age. Find a therapist if you want to just to talk or go to Four squire or Meetup when you know you meet people for that reason only of talking and hanging around any other site you will keep getting the same reaction from many other women.


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  • #157003 Reply

    LoveUrself

    Aaaw Kloe, I feel for you. Yes, I have gone through it three times. Once in high school, then college and then two years ago. Each time I learned something new and now I have flushed all the bad seeds off and have a very healthy social life.

    It hurts, I understand it as I have gone through it, you’re left in the dark and I can list all the awful experiences you are having as a result of your friend’s abrupt leave but that’s not going to help.

    If your mutual friends are saying to you to find ‘new friends’ then it could be that they want you to leave and sometimes people are cowards and rather create a hostile environment to get someone to give up and leave.

    Possibility is that your mutual friends know a lot more than you think and are acting innocent either because they support her, or, they really are enjoying the drama, or, they really don’t want to get into it. None are useful to you anymore, trust me. They are lost, too gutless to be honest and toxic just like your friend who abruptly left you. Want that sort of company? No. There’s no point dwelling over them all, not worth a mini-second of your time. The more time you spend focused on her and them, the more you will drain your life of essence. Don’t suck the color out of your life, don’t give them the satisfaction.

    Look, it hurts but it’s not the end! You need a good screaming to let it all go because you’re emotionally weighed down by all this, not physically. Have a family member you can lean on? If so, pour your heart out to them, cry it out as much as you can until you have nothing left to cry out because after that you are going to take steps to rebuild your social life, and this time it will be tight and full of smart, no bullshit company.

    I was a mess when it happened to me the last time, and after crying and talking it out, one morning I just looked at myself and saw a beaten up version of me that I felt shameful of. That was it, after seeing me emotionally K.O-ed I decided no one will ever mess with my head like that again and this is what I did:

    Step 1: began exercising for at least an hour every day.
    Step 2: ate healthy and got rid of junk completely
    Step 3: got rid of old habits and old ways, for example, feeling afraid of being alone because that made me vulnerable or easily left broken after being dumped. Dwelling over someone else’s negativity towards me. Letting people get to me etc.
    Step 4: Focused on my hobbies and joined local classes/communities where I mingled with like-minded people and created contacts.
    Step 5: Invited people from my classes for some social time and slowly formed a friendship with them and socialising more with them.
    Step 6: Went to assertive and confidence classes/therapy, talked about my depression and learned how to improve my social life, this included not allowing anyone’s negativity kill my joy. If anyone dumped me randomly, I would carry on as if they never were in my life before, I won’t give them the satisfaction of taking me down.
    Step 7: used a lot of self-help tools for self-improvement and began making little to big changes in my life.

    It’s all about looking at this as a opportunity to begin a fresh new social life and to become bigger and better than ever before. Is there something you didn’t finish which you started and you would love to finish it? Go ahead, finish it, take the time you about to spend dwelling over this friend of yours and finish it. I began using up every moment my mind drifted to the friend who dumped me, I just replaced it with things to do and slowly it started to fade, the weight shifted.

    This can be fun. A new start.

    I had couple see the new me and how happy I have become without them and suddenly contact me acting like nothing happened. I blanked them and moved along.


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  • #157041 Reply

    Aster

    ‘LoveUrself’ has some points that I have done.

    “Has this happened to anyone else?”: It has happened to me.

    “How did you deal with it?”: I became obsessed at first – calling, texting, e-mailing, contacting via social media, and trying to talk to mutual friends. Over time I noticed that makes things worse and the move is an epic failure at all times, no miss. Then I couldn’t sleep, stressed a lot, couldn’t eat, questioned myself, analysed our friendship, cried a lot and locked myself in my room.

    “But how do you get over the hurt?”: by not taking it personally, your friend made a choice because she found it necessary, something changed in her mind and you just no longer were in her new plans. If there was anything you even did, it was but a very tiny part of it all and it was likely never the actual reason. The only reason people drift away is because they feel the friendship has died out. You had nothing to do with that decision. Time for you to make new plans too now. This is life, as your grow, many of your relationships will grow out, new ones will be introduced and the only old ones that grow with you, you will be able to count in one hand (natural filtering system).

    > Therapeutic interactions – talk about your feelings with someone willing to listen, family can be the best. Also, therapist can be insightful and be able to give you tools to deal with this. Keep talking and eventually you will start feeling the change.

    > Write down your feelings – poem, story, diary etc.

    > Write a letter to her, don’t send it to her, put it in a bottle and set off in a lake/river etc. or do something of an equivalent.

    > Express yourself – I went to a center in my local area where we can smash stuff with safe gears and environment. Find something equivalent, safe and easy to do.

    > Acceptance – you have to accept the new reality, the friendship has ended, not everything will go your way and in knowing that comes comfort if you truly understand that.

    > Leave no residue – she gone, it’s only fitting for everything that is linked to her goes too. Photos, videos, cards etc. Create a small bonfire with your trusted family/friends and get them to bring things they no longer want too, and burn it all together.

    > Fill up the empty space/the time you take to dwell on it with hobbies/activities, join sports club (such activity can be very therapeutic mentally and physically).

    > Best retaliation – aim to make your life healthier and brighter. Your mission is to create beautiful and meaningful memories and relationships. Improve the quality of your life and it will be a grand answer to your ex-friend.

    [Take steps to move on – start slow, try ‘Meetup.com’ and find a local group activity, as someone already mentioned on here, pick up your hobbies, go out for a walk in the park etc.]

    > Change the law – Start asking important questions, re-evaluate, make plans and set up a guideline to how you choose to go about your life, this means drawing out aims, objectives and goals for your future now. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

    – What you desire for your future?
    – What is your plan for the near future? What are the negatives in your current relationships?
    -What you could have done better?
    -What you did like to see change? What thorns are/were in your relationships?
    – Most importantly, ask yourself, can it ever go back to normal with the friend you have lost?
    – Were you truly ever so serious in that relationship with her?
    – Is it truly important to chase someone who doesn’t want you than to spend time and energy in finding and having people who want your company?
    – Is she the head quarters, the heart, the brain, the central nervous-system of your happiness? – Why does she have such a hold on you and does she truly deserve that credit/allowed to hold such power over you?
    – Who is in control over your life/identity/reputation?
    – What sort of people would like to have around you?
    – What do you expect from your future friends?
    – What is your philosophy?
    – Which fears you did like to conquer?
    – What have you done to make yourself feel better? – spa, pamper, love yourself etc.

    Logic:

    > What is done, is done, there’s no going back, sitting on it will be a complete and utter waste of time, it will only bring more misery/pain to you the more you bang your head on it.

    > Prove to yourself that you can bounce back up after a fall! Do not make her the reason for keeping you down, it will be truly tragic otherwise.

    > She’s but one person, the world is filled with plenty of people to get to know, the more you grow a new social life, the more she’ll fade into the background and suddenly this will become nothing.

    > Shedding – It’s a natural part of life, she’s done you a favour. People sometimes drop out at the right time to make room for your new journey in life, I would take it as a blessing and not treat it like a curse.


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    • #157068 Reply

      Ivan

      It seems like Faith that I found this post. My best friend and I actually had a relationship a year and a half ago, but one day she suddenly cut me off. I was confused about it since she still talked to our mutual friends and ended up being diagnosed with depression and the anti depressants weren’t helping anymore so I decided to see if anyone else has experienced something like it. I did reach out for the last time on her birthday she replied to say thank you, but she never replied after that. I’m just thankful I’ve found other people who’ve been through this.


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      • #157232 Reply

        Aster

        I am glad this forum is being helpful to you!

        Never take someone’s rejection or abrupt leave personally. They made that decision because something changed in them. This means more time and space for you do you and find someone new – that is exciting more than it is scary if you look through the right window.

        You can get through this and keep coming on here, I honestly find it therapeutic. People tell you to get over it and all, but honestly ranting and sharing on here, helps us let all out and get some support, pep talk and finally it feels so right to get over it.

        This forum is like our little support group, kind of kool.


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  • #157228 Reply

    Arabella

    I, like many others commenting here, am rather familiar with this situation. My experience, however, is a bit different.

    I had this friend, his name was Marcus. And we used to talk on facebook all the time, like, every day. He lives across the pond, as they say, and we have never met. Also, there is a huge age difference between us (27 years). But we got along just fine, and we were really close, actually. We roleplayed, wrote advanced storylines using fictional characters. We went on awesome adventures this way, and had deep conversations about stuff. We’d talk like this for hours. But one day, about five months ago, he just vanished. I don’t know what’s going on, as I have no other way of contacting him. I have messaged our mutual friend, but haven’t heard back yet, and I am getting really worried. I can’t forget him because he has impacted me in a way no one else can. I know I’m not in love with him, it’s like we were really good friends. He made me smile when no one else could, and he helped me through so much. He saw my life through the eyes of a stranger, and he made it so much better. But what I feel for him is not love. I just…when you have someone like that, you want to hold onto them for as long as you can. And when they let go of you, it hurts if you can’t let go of them. Maybe it’s time to let go.

    Remember: the people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far they wander.


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  • #158153 Reply

    Benhaur

    Had a friend,used to chat with her ocassionally and we were very good friends, one day she just cut me off saying that I am keeping in touch with her friend who is her enemy now, I told her its just Hi Bye friendship, nothing else, but she is just avoiding me completely, I really cant u/stand why, please advise………Thanks


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