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My friend cancelled on me but then went out with other friends.

This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  CrystalBallGazer 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #180246

    OnyxVonTrollenberg
    Participant

    I bought 2 tickets for a gig months ago and asked my best friend if she’d like to come with me. She said she would, but last week I reminded her about it and she told me she couldn’t come anymore because she didn’t have much money. I told her that she didn’t have to pay me for the ticket but that I really wanted her to come because I missed gigging with her. She said that she didn’t want to rely on me and didn’t want to pay for bus fare etc, so I left it at that and went to the gig with someone else.

    A couple of days later we were texting, arranging when I’d come over to hers for a Christmas movie night and exchange presents. Then I said something like “turn on channel 5, your shows on” but she told me she couldn’t because she was out. Then the next day she posted a few photos on her Twitter of her at a gig with some other friends. So it turned out she was gigging with them last night while we were texting.

    I just feel a bit upset and angry because she knew how much I wanted her to come with me, and she made this big deal about not having any money to waste, yet she’d happily go out and get drunk with her other friends. I don’t even know how to confront her because I don’t want to admit that I saw her tweets since I’m not a big twitter user myself so I don’t want it to seem like I’m stalking her. There have been a few other times in the past where she’s flaked out on me and then gone out with someone else instead and I did confront her eventually but she didn’t even realize she was doing it. It’s just in her nature to be flaky but I don’t like it. Should I say something to her again? Or just bite my tongue and enjoy Christmas with her? I really don’t want to argue or fall out, but I want to stand up for myself too.


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  • #180252

    tammy
    Participant

    When a friend acts flaky with me I stop inviting them places for a while. then I wait to see if they invite me to do something. If they don’t I pull away from the frienships. I don’t have time for flaky people.


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  • #180258

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi,

    I think you have to weigh how important it is for you to continue to have a friendship, even thought it’s a limited one, with this friend versus standing up to her.

    I don’t think she’s just flaky, though. I believe it was important to you to gig with her, but it wasn’t important to her. Also, when she lied about not having the money, that was an excuse, not flakiness, because she did have money to spend with other friends, as you found out.

    I am not sitting in judgment of you. As a matter of fact, I have a friend who has treated me in an equally negligent manner, and who has also used “white lies” to excuse her behavior. The first time this happened, I confronted her, and she seemed quite contrite. But it didn’t change her behavior; it happened again. Frankly, I think people who behave in this manner generally don’t change; if they were the sort of people who wanted to behave well, they wouldn’t be acting this way in the first place. So I think you have to decide whether you can tolerate this behavior, because I don’t think anything you can say will change it.

    In other words, I don’t think whether you talk to her this time or not is going to make much difference, if any, at all. You might want to just have a nice Christmas meeting, so that you won’t have a possibly heavy discussion during the holidays. I would spend more time pondering whether it’s worth it to keep this friendship. I am not at all sure that I made the right decision in keeping mine, and I may soon throw in the towel!


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  • #180266

    charlemagnejames
    Participant

    Knowledge is power and thanks to a bit of good luck on the social media front, you’ve gained some important knowledge.

    What should you do? Your heart is telling you that you might be losing your friend and so in desperation you may want to prove to her, with all your heart, that she means everything to you and that you don’t want to lose her.

    Resist your heart with everything you have. It will kill you for a while, but you must back off, protect yourself absolutely & completely.

    Does that mean you should cut her off? No, no, no, but it does mean you should preserve your dignity. If your company is as important to her as hers is to you, she’ll come back to you. If she drifts further away, so be it. But let her make the moves now. You cannot ever demand love and affection from someone, or try to persuade them of how much they value you, if they don’t value you as much as you do them


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  • #180331

    CrystalBallGazer
    Participant

    Ive had one of those friends this year. I invited her and another friend she knows to come to my place for lunch and a friendly catch up. At first that friend said she would come and then on the day she cancelled saying she had a meeting at work she was called into.Later on that afternoon I saw her at school as our kids go the the same one.She bolted up to me bouncing around going on about the awesome day she had with her Mum who bought her heaps of stuff, lunch and a haircut,she asked me if I liked the haircut. At the very last minute she said oh yeah and went to that meeting at work too. I know she was lying,and I couldnt beleive it was to my face. I know she lied because she told me previously she didnt work on that day of the week I invited her,and always had that day off any other time.So now I avoid her and I just dont bother starting any conversations. I felt I just could not trust her anymore and couldnt be bothered talking to her after that….some people are just so rude and to your face sometimes!!!


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