My Best Friend/Roommate Dumped Me
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November 11, 2013 at 6:24 pm #122007
Please forgive me for the long post, but I feel like I have to explain it all to get some sort of answer.
I’m 18 years old and a college freshmen. Before high school ended for me, my best friend of 3 years Lissa and I decided to live together at an apartment close to campus. To save money, we got a 4 bedroom apartment and roomed with one other girl from our high school, Kathy, and one that we found on a university roommate matching site, Leslyn. Lissa and I would have rooms right next to each other while Leslyn and Kathy would have rooms next to each other.
After move in, everything was as expected. Kathy had a boyfriend back home and was never around, but Lissa, Leslyn, and me were all great friends. We are all Biology/health related majors and all got along just fine. Lissa and me were fond of partying and drinking on Fridays/Saturdays, but even though Leslyn was not, it never seemed to bother her and she said if she had time, she would join us.
After about a month or two, Lissa made some girlfriends at a guy’s party she knew one weekend (while I was visiting home), and the following weekends we all went out partying together. They are all very nice and I enjoy hanging out with them. It was nice to make new friends.
However, one Sunday I heard Lissa talking bad about me to Leslyn RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR (I kid you not), which completely shocked me. I didn’t recall doing anything to make her mad. She was saying things about how I never do anything in the apartment, how I ignore her all the time & how she plans to ignore me, how I she wanted me to go home the next weekend so she wouldn’t have to deal with me, and so on. I was so hurt. those were all complete lies! She did a complete 180 with me. I ended up bursting out of my room and running out the door to my boyfriend’s friends house because I didn’t know where else to go.
That following Tuesday (she wasn’t home on Monday), I confronted Lissa. I was calm about it and did not get mad at her. I just started by asking “what I did I do to you to make you so hateful towards me?” She said she didn’t know what she was talking about, despite the fact that she knew I had heard by the way I interrupted her bashing to leave the apartment, so I told her I heard her talking about me. She then said she was just mad at the world not just me. I asked why she said she would ignore me, and she said “whaaat?” in the typical fake clueless voice. I then repeated what she said, word for word, and then she said “Oh, well…” then an excuse. I did this for each thing that I heard and she did the same “Oh, well…” followed by an excuse. I did not hear one “sorry” come from her mouth. Instead of confronting the issue and working it out like I wanted to happen, she instead made excuses and showed no intention of trying to work it out. My best friend had dumped me.
After seeking help from a mutual friend who had known her longer than me, I found out she sometimes ditches her longtime friends (me) for her friends of the moment (the girls she had met), with no indication of if she will return to her longtime friends. After hearing this I became no longer hurt, but infuriated. After everything I had done for her, she was going to dump me like it was nothing? How could someone do that??
And it seemed that I was the only friend she is dumping. She hangs out with Leslyn and the other girl friends that she met all the time.
Normally, I would not take this kind of treatment. No person that treats me like that deserves to be my friend. I dealt with enough fake friends like this in high school, and I don’t need another. But I can’t do that this time. She’s my ROOMMATE. I share a bathroom with her and our room doors are less than 5 feet apart.
I had always thought she was jealous/mad at me for having a boyfriend. Every weekend I hang out or go partying with her Thursday Friday, and then spend Saturday night and Sunday with my boyfriend. I felt bad about leaving her alone Saturday nights, so I would always make sure that she had somewhere to go and if she didn’t I would invite her to come with me and my boyfriend to the party we were going to. I had thought she had no problem with this arrangement, but I guess I could see her being mad about it. I seriously can’t think of any other reason to justify her dumping me, even though I feel like this isn’t even one.
So here is my question: what the hell should I do? I have no idea how to handle this. Our mutual friend said she will probably come back to me and realize who her true friend is, but how long will that take? And do I even want to be friends with her now that I know she can dump me like yesterday’s news? And if I don’t work it out and live this way, who will I hang out with now that she has turned Leslyn and our new friends against me? Please help.
November 20, 2013 at 4:49 pm #123000
Dear Caitlyn, I know exactly what your feeling. I wish I could have warned you to not room with your highschool bestfriend because it was honestly the worst decision i have ever made. Since arriving, she pay absolutely no attention to me. She’s dumped me as a friend and is only interested in making new friends here and winning their attention. My advice, is that its completely selfish of them. I can’t really tell you what’s going on in their minds but thank god for good boyfriends right. Anyways, considering moving out as a possibility. If it makes you happier than its worth it, its not too late to make new, better friends.
I recommend telling her what she is doing is hurting you and flat out ask if she doesn’t want to be friends or something. I ended up staying in my room a lot and being really hurt and sad, when I could have been out enjoying uni and making new friends and being happy. Don’t make my mistake. Never too late to make new friends or confront her, don’t let her just disown you and make you miserable.
Best of luck dear, it will all work out.