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Friend doesn’t like to hear the word “no”

This topic contains 9 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Elle 1 year, 7 months ago.

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  • #2993 Reply

    Elle
    Participant

    My friend sent an e-mail out inviting me to a party with her husband. I already had an event to go to, so I responded right away and said I couldn’t go, but looked forward to meeting up with them another time. I also called her and left a message on her voicemail. It’s been 2 weeks and I have not heard back from her. The thing is, she gets mad if I can’t meet up with her. (It doesn’t happen a lot, we do see each other. The one other time my mom was in the hospital and I had to cancel. She also got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment.) The other thing is, when we DO talk, she makes little jabs reminding me how I couldn’t attend said party or get together and is just really passive-aggressive. I understand she might be upset I can’t attend, but I always give her enough time and notice that I can’t make it. What is her deal then? Does she take it personally and think I don’t want to hang out with her or something?

  • #69109 Reply

    Arox

    Passive aggressiveness to this degree is always annoying. “It doesn’t happen a lot, we do see each other.” Okay, then she’s demanding and needy. I’ve been there. Remind her that you have a life, and if she still doesn’t understand, then let her go. It’ll feel awkward cutting her lose, but it’s better in the long-run.

  • #69148 Reply

    Elle

    I was thinking about telling her that while I’m not married (like she is), I still have a life and other obligations. But I don’t know how to phrase it without sounding mean or like I’m too important to hang out with her or something…

  • #69149 Reply

    jacqueline

    Elle, my ex-friend, Lisa was like that. She thought nothing of cancelling me at the last minute, but when I was sick or something came up that I couldn’t see her, she would rant and rave for weeks – sending me nasty emails. She used to live in my apartment complex, but then moved to another suburb, approximately half an hour away. We saw each other on an almost weekly basis, but it was never good enough for her. She was needy and possessive, and jealous that I am in a long-term relationship and she is not. I have never had so many disagreements with one person – it was all repetitious, a waste of my time and energy. I made so many excuses for her, until I just couldn’t take it anymore and ended the friendship. She agreed that we had different views on what friendship was all about. After two months of her leaving me alone, she started bombarding me once again with nasty emails, so I told her that she had nothing of value to say, and that I would no longer read any of her messages. I blocked her and now have peace and quiet. She could be alot of fun when we were together, but her expectations of me were unrealistic and too draining.

  • #69223 Reply

    Elle

    It’s just so frustrating, but no matter what I do- even if I do the right things- she gets mad either way.

  • #69225 Reply

    jacqueline

    Well then, you have to decide if you want this person in your life.  If, no matter what you do, she gets mad, then you will always be fighting a losing battle with her.  Life is too short, Elle.

  • #71655 Reply

    Elle

    Okay, so it has been more than two months since I tried contacting my friend.  Yesterday I received a Christmas photo from her and she included a note saying, “Let me know when you want to get together.”   I feel like I’m going crazy because as I noted in my oringal post, I tried calling and emailing her, but she never responded. More than two months of silence and now she wants me to contact her?? Is she playing games here?

  • #71949 Reply

    jacqueline.

    There is obviously something wrong with her.  I would just ignore her card.

  • #72247 Reply

    anonymous

    Maybe it is just polite chitchat. Or maybe she hasn’t a clue that something is wrong.

  • #72339 Reply

    Elle

    That’s what I thought at first, but she sent it in a separate note. Unless she really doesn’t want to talk, but she’s just doing it to save face. (If someone asks, she can just say “Oh I told her to call me” or something like that.) I don’t know… I’m just going to let things be. (It all seems so trivial anyways- just because I couldn’t attend a party. I can understand being disappointed, but not giving me the silent treatment for months on end. I also feel way too old to be dealing with this kind of drama!)

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