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This topic contains 49 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  shaina ray 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #148

    Irene
    Keymaster
    » Jump to the Posting Instructions Section
    » Jump to the Forum Guidelines Section

    About The Friendship Forums: A Place for You

    A number of visitors to The Friendship Blog have asked me to create a place for them to meet and interact with other readers. Although I try to respond to as many questions as I can on the blog, I’m unable to answer them all.

    Because I’ve been so impressed with how supportive and caring this community has been to each other, and how much wisdom and experience you have to share—I’ve created The Friendship Forums, as a place for women to get and give advice about a range of topics about friendship. After all, who knows more about our friendships than you do!

    You’ll see there are four themes to start and more may be added based on your interests. I may occasionally move threads to a different theme if it seems to be a better fit.

    Of course, I’ll continue to respond to individual questions you email to The Friendship Doctor on the blog but you can also post here to get opinions from other women.

    Thanks for being so loyal to me, this blog and each other.

    Warmest wishes,
    Irene

    Posting Instructions

    You can browse through the posts without registering but you need to log in to comment on a previous post or to post a new topic on one of the forums. Please read the Friendship Forum Guidelines below before you do.

    To post a new topic, click on one of the existing main Forums links, then look at the very bottom of that forum page for the “Create New Topic” box.

    To reply to a topic within a Forum, go the the very bottom of the forum page (below all the other replies), and look for the “Reply To” box.

    To reply to someone else’s reply (what’s known as “threaded comments”), click on the blue reply link right below their text, which will open up its “Reply To” box.

    Tags. There is a space to type in one-word tags to help others find the topic(s) of your post. You can use or ignore the Tags field.

    Friendship Forum Guidelines

    » Use a pseudonym to protect your safety and privacy and that of any friends or frenemies you may mention in your post. Never post your last name.

    » No posting of advertisements permitted.

    » If you own a website with information directly related to the topic being discussed, you may link to that page of your site. Any veiled efforts at self-promotion that aren’t relevant or genuinely helpful will be deleted.

    » Personal attacks on other commenters will not be tolerated. You are free to challenge someone’s point of view, but please do so respectfully. Any posts containing name-calling, profane language or personal attacks will be deleted.

    » Do not post the same topic more than once or in more than one forum. Duplicate discussions will be deleted.

    » Please do not repost anyone else’s work without permission.

    » The Friendship Forum is not responsible for any member-posted information that violates copyright law.

    » Think before you post. Please do not ask to have comments removed after you post them.

    * * * *

    Do you like Facebook? You can also connect with other readers on the Friendship Blog Facebook Group I’ve set up: Go to this Facebook page and click the upper right side. Your request to join will need my approval as owner of the group.

     


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  • #77271

    L. Kelly

    Thanks for hosting these helpful forums on your site and on Facebook, Irene.


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    • #154117

      Lalita

      Hi Irene,

      Thanks for creating such a wonderful resource. I was just wondering how to create a profile here so that I can post easily? I’ve scoured your site for a link to create a user name and password, but can’t find it. Am I missing something?

      Thanks!
      Lalita


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  • #77931

    R.

    My close woman friend of one year over internet, during which we became quite close and best friends,
    sent me a gift wrapped Trojan horse with two books from Amazon: Boundaries & Verbal Abuse, with a note of “Final goodbye!” Of this abrupt ending, the word “final” hurts the worst. Like god damning
    someone for eternity. We both had been abused in childhood, and I was going through a crisis, while she was being duplicitous with me by stringing me along after she had left me behind emotionally. I
    suppose I expressed some rage, not at her, but in relation to my repressed feelings from a lifetime
    of pain of a psychological nature. She was very brilliant and we had so many wonderful discussions,
    and of course it’s very lonely and painful now, and I am not able to make friends or have relationships because of the psychological trauma, which was extreme. It’s been three weeks, going
    on a month, and seems harder now than earlier. I don’t email her, though sent Auld Lang Syne on N. Y.
    eve. It hurts cause she is very strong, has turned her back, and probably has discarded me like a
    banana peel she slipped on. If only she hadn’t used the word ‘final’ and made me feel so unredemptive, so finally damned forever. I have a hard time getting her and this out of my mind


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  • #77947

    jacqueline

    R, I am so sorry to hear you have lost your close friend. However, you said you were close internet friends for a year. It takes a long time to get to know someone, and a year is not very long. So many people hide behind the screen and we never really get to know them, unfortunately.

    Have you ever gone for help concerning your abusive childhood? If not, and even if you have, I think you should seek a professional to get through this rough psychological time/trauma, as well as helping you with your abusive childhood issues, which still have not be resolved. I hope this helps. Sending you a big, big hug.


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  • #94058

    Vasudha

    Dear R,
    Think if she had not said Final – you would have been expecting, waiting, but as there would have been no response, you would have worried- SO U ARE SAVED ALL THIS TROUBLE…………Blessing in disguise!!!
    To get her out of your system you can try this – Write a letter to her, express all you feel , everything- your anger , unmet expectations and what all – pour your heart out – and then tear it off. You can do it 2-3 times and then you will not feel like writing again and having written 2-3 times, the emotions will have been vented and hopefully you will be able to move on. Also every day- get up and going- get ready , go out , have some good time – movie, library, shopping, family time with people who are near you and are approachable.
    Hope it helps- my prayers with you


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  • #104577

    annie

    hi all
    new here and have done some looking around just wondering if there is a …”hi I am ” pagewhere you tell a bit about your selflike I have on a couple of my craft sites and if there is a live chat room or do you use the fb page to talk live with one another?????

    will keep looking and reading hope to get to know you better and get some answers or just be there to support you in anyway I can …. love to pray…
    annie


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  • #140347

    Sarah Tacy

    This looks to be a brilliant site


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  • #140351

    Sarah Tacy

    To R

    My heart goes out to you. I am so pleased to find this site because I too have had problems with friendships which I want to address. I have experienced something similar recently with a friend made through the internet and many confidences and problems shared mutually.

    We both go to the point of rebuilding our lives but I became conscious that maybe she wasn’t keen on having me in that new life. She picked a fight and got very angry and I told her not to contact me again to which she just said ok.

    Try not to take it personally – this may sound crazy when the friendship has got so personal. My guess is that her issues with you about ‘Boundaries’ and your getting angry were more an opportunity for her to run and hide. Some people just don’t have the courage to continue a friendship once they feel they have got out of a hole and confided in someone while they were in it. I suspect that it may be you who moved on emotionally and she tried to make you feel the opposite. Her own actions look to be full of unresolved emotion.

    If possible just look at it as a temporary relationship where you were able to help each other. The problem was your link and rather than banana skins you have been rungs on a ladder for one another, you have just made the adjustment in a more adult way hurtful though that is for now.

    I hope you heal quickly. I am going through something similar though possibly got more warning signs.

    Hurtful and bewildering. Strangely I think abuse made me more trusting than average not less. I have been having good intensive therapy finally.

    Good luck and quick healing from her.

    S


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  • #141532

    Christina

    Thanks so much for hosting these forums and for sharing such great advice on how to take care of and be a part of balanced friendships with others, Irene!! Your posts are so helpful!! 🙂


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  • #141836

    Kerry

    I have been reading through so many of the posts regarding teen friendships and I am sad, but comforted to know I am not alone.
    I’m hoping you can provide some advice that I can share with my daughter to make her feel better
    We live in a small town where my daughter, Jennifer attends middle school, there are about 25 girls in the 7th grade with her. She plays defense on a travel hockey team in the next town, rides horses and loves to act, write short stories and read. She is not boy crazy, (although has a wild crush on the actor, Dylan O’Brien), and loves her mother (for which I am blessed). She has very little in common with the girls in her class and has never been outgoing in making friendships. She gets along great with most of the boys because of her athletic ability and her love of hockey. But as she has gotten older those relationships are beginning to change.
    Outside of school, she has one best friend, Vanessa who is also 13 (my best friend’s daughter) . They have always gravitated together and rarely a weekend goes by that they don’t have a sleepover at one of our houses. Vanessa also rides horses and they spend hours together at the stable. I have never been overly concerned about her lack of close relationships at school because she has always had such a wonderful natural friendship with Vanessa.
    Recently Vanessa has distanced herself from Jen, and Jen is heartbroken. She stopped answering her texts and no longer calls her. She began excluding Jen her from their online group chats. Today they were at a party at the stable, my friend dropped them off and I agreed to pick them up. My daughter called and asked if she could come home. When I arrived, Vanessa was hanging with the older girls,(15 & 16 year olds) ignoring Jen. I took her home and went back 2 hours later to get Vanessa, as Vanessa came over to the car, she mentioned that she needed to get Jen. I let her know then that she had come home earlier because she was wet and cold from swimming. I didn’t say anything to Vanessa about Jen feeling hurt an excluded (nor would I). We just chatted about the party and their next horse show.
    I am heartbroken that this wonderful friendship seems to be over. Jen was crying when I got home. Vanessa told Jen she isn’t mad at her, she just doesn’t want to hang out anymore.
    Is there anything I can say to make her feel better?


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    • #141837

      Kerry

      So Sorry, I posted in the wrong area. 🙁


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  • #144307

    kimbal

    I would like to join the site. Thank You.


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  • #144496

    Luc

    My friends and I made plans to go ice skating. So I invited our other friend to come. The day of, my friends said they rather go see a movie instead of ice skating. I agreed. I told the friend I invited that im going to see a movie instead and she got mad. She said I broke girl code and that I was making a jerk move. She is made at me because I bailed on her. I explained the situation and said sorry several times. I dont know what to do. Help?


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  • #150236

    pariah

    I am 62 and have absolutely no friends. I don’t understand at all. I have tried being docile, assertive, somewhere inbetween but nothing works. I suspect people in our small town talk about us (my children live with me and they have no friends either) but I have no evidence since no one will talk to us. I am sooooo lonely. My son died about a year ago, no one even acknowledged it. It was like he didn’t exist. Why am I here? What is my purpose? I feel like such a waste case. I don’t believe there is a god. He or she would not allow us to be so callous to each other.I try to be a good person, moral and honest, but that is not good enough. I did have hobbies but I had to give them up. No money for supplies. What happened to peace, love and acceptance? They don’t exist anymore as far as I can tell. I would kill myself if I wasn’t such a coward (that’s how my son died). I am just waiting to die and, if reincarnation is real, I chose not to come back. We humans are walking hand and hand into extinction and I think we deserve it.


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    • #157394

      Anna

      Oh Pariah, that is such a sad tale of woe. I am deeply sorry for the tragic loss of your son and cannot even imagine what pain that is for you. I am also 62 and I feel blessed to have a few close, life-long friendships. I have also lost many friendships due to my own behaviors or because I somehow felt slighted or offended and ended the relationships myself. What concerns me most about your post is the underlying “depression” that you seem to be dealing with. I am not a psychologist or anything like that, but I do recognize depression because I have experienced it most of my life. I would encourage you to get out of your house and enjoy the sun or rain, air, nature every day. Even a 30 minute walk outside will do wonders for your brain chemistry and you never know who you might meet along the way. I would also encourage you to consider anti-depressants and/or joining a local church or support group. There are other people who feel just like you do but you must make the effort to connect. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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  • #154118

    Lalita

    How do I create a profile? Thanks so much.


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  • #155545

    katrina

    I found this blog site early this morning after searching keywords on friendship and wondering if I was the only without friend but I see there are many others so I wanted to say hello, my name is Katrina.


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  • #155797

    Cathy

    I’m so glad I found this site. I’ve struggled with making friends my whole life. I’ve been known to be a loyal, caring person with a big heart. However, when it comes to small chit chat I freeze. I’m one of those people who is the alone in a crowd, or the one who is practically mute. I have bad social anxiety and my fear of rejection is overwhelming. I’ve also battled with depression as long as I can remember. Sometimes when people ask what I did on the wkends, I actually make stuff up. Again I’m glad I found others that have similiar struggles.


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  • #156316

    Lady B

    Glad that I found this place.


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  • #156317

    Lady B

    Glad that I found this forum.


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  • #157178

    Erin

    Hello, I cannot see any way of joining the forum. I tried clicking where the page says join in but it does not do anything. Could you please let me know how I can join?
    Cheers


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  • #157180

    jacqueline

    Hi Erin:

    Welcome to the Friendship Blog! With this new site, all you do is type in your name and an email address, and voila! Nothing else — feel free to post!


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    • #157244

      Irene
      Keymaster

      Thanks for responding, Jacqueline and helping another poster!


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  • #157281

    Erin

    Thanks very much for clarifying. It would be good to explain a bit more on the home page because the ‘Join in’ statement made me think there was a link I needed to click. I can see others have asked similar questions.
    It’s a great site and there is so much valuable advice. It would be great if there were moderators as there are clearly people who have been harsh and rude to others. Not great on a friendship site.


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  • #157282

    jacqueline

    You are welcome, Irene! And Erin, Irene DOES moderate on here, and she has eyes watching out on the site. Unfortunately, with so many posters, sometimes a few get by, but they are eventually found out and deleted.


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  • #157286

    Erin

    That’s good to know there is moderation. Maybe you could add a report button so members can highlight inappropriate posts.


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  • #157508

    Winter

    Wish I found this place sooner.


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  • #164952

    Ellen

    Hey ladies,
    I would like advice on the following delimma:
    I went on a cruise with 2 friends and there husbands. I had been friends with one girl for 16 years, since I moved in our neighborhood. The other women I met when I started a Bunco group, now 12 years old. The other women is rather abrasive, but latched onto me quickly.
    We planned a wonderful trip to Hawaii with our oldest neighbor, and she asked me if we could invite the other couple.Since we were friends, I agreed. Well to make things short, the other women and her husband got mad with us, because we did not want to do something they wanted to do. This was a once in a lifetime trip, and I had told her we didn’t do things a lot of other folks liked. We like hiking etc. and they didn’t. Anyway, without any explanation,they snubbed us, and when I asked my longtime friend what was going on, she said “I don’t want to get in the middle of it.” My husband and I felt so betrayed and hurt. We got back home and have been cool to them since. We have tried to be adult, but no one would discuss it, even though I tried too. I did receive a nasty letter from the other women, basically saying it was all my husbands fault. Which basically, since we did not want to do something she wanted, she got mad.
    These ladies are in my Bunco group, and I have continued to lead the Bunco group, with no one talking or asking for explanations about what happened. They basically treat me supersweet now, but I feel stabbed in the back. They love Bunco, and would not want it to stop, but I am about done, since it is not fun anymore. What should i do? Should I stop leading Bunco, since many ladies have left, and we can’t seem to get more to come.
    I have started golfing and met some nice ladies in this group, and will never trust the other so called friends. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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  • #168641

    Rachel

    Hello how do I register or log in in order to post? Thanks


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  • #168924

    Susan

    I am 65 years old and retired. My husband is retired also, but he has a very busy retirement and is gone a lot of the time. That’s not to say that I am not busy, I volunteer and try and get out and do something at least once a month that is out of my comfort zone. My question is about making friends, not just once in a while friends but ones who want to include you maybe at least once a month in their lives. I understand that people can be very busy, what with grand kids, church and other commitments but I find myself many times reaching out and not being able to find friends who seem to want to include you in their busy lives. I have one acquaintance who I have tried to make friends with, but it seems like she just doesn’t think that way. For example I asked her to do something with me and it was like um no thanks, I already did that, or no I am busy. I guess what upsets me most is that when I get rejected it throws me back to when I was young growing up in middle school and sitting by myself eating lunch in the school cafeteria. I just didn’t have any friends. I do still have bouts of being shy, and have worked really hard at overcoming those tendencies to want to just go off and be by myself because the effort of trying once again to find friends seems like to much work. Sometimes I feel guilty because it seems like a 65 year old should have this all figured out by now. S.


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  • #168968

    Judge Judy

    Susan, if you are in the US, I suggest going on meetup.com and going to various meetups in your area. Or, it’s easy to start a group of your own and the ones who come will be looking for the same thing you are. Good luck.


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  • #169046

    Davide

    Susan, our circumstances are different and it may be that my comments don’t work for you. From what you write I’d suggest two things: first, get busy and interested in what you are doing, be that volunteering or going to church, and trust that in the course of this activity you may meet kindred spirits; secondly, and much harder, perhaps, every time you feel down or sad about your present friendless state write down everything you are grateful for in your life. Last christmas I spent some time helping some refugees. Seeing and hearing about there lives made me profundly grateful. I get to go to a warm bed every night on a full stomach, for example, and wake up most mornings in sunshine. I handed a refugee a bottle of water and 30 seconds later, full of gratitude, he came back giving me a teddy bear.


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  • #169153

    Susan

    Davide

    I agree with you about looking outside yourself and your own life. You are right about having so much and maybe getting jaded by it. Maybe I was just having a pity party the day I wrote that also. One thing that did help me shake myself out of it was taking a step back like you said and looking outside of myself and my own little life and world and I do mean little because sometimes one forgets that there is a big world out there. The other thing that helped is getting out and doing something with other people who have the same enthusiasm that you do. And that can be almost anything, it just helps to feel like you are part of a group and you belong.

    Thanks,

    S.


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  • #169439

    BornThisWay

    Is there anyway to filter through the posts? There are some very old posts on the top and I want to find the most recent ones.


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  • #169444

    Irene
    Keymaster

    @BornThisWay

    Two things might be helpful: On the homepage of the blog, on the right side column, is a list of latest Forum comments.

    Also, if you hit Mingle in the Forums (a circle on the top of the homepage), it shows the latest post in each Forum. If you click on one of the Forums, it also shows the most recent posts.

    Hope this helps.

    Best, Irene


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    • #169447

      BornThisWay

      THANKYOU! That certainly helps.


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  • #169592

    Anonymous

    Hi Irene,

    Could you please remove this post for me: http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/suggestions-on-how-to-handle-this/

    After a while i realised that i have posted somethings that are personal and i don’t feel comfortable knowing that something that can easily recognised as it being me (in case my friend sees this) so could you please remove it. I am feeling sick since after posting it. i was angry and i didn’t think to not include something things that can easily link to me. i beg you please could you?!


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  • #169593

    Davide

    Anonymous, I had another look at your post in the topic and saw no identifying information. You posted anonymously and, though there was a lot of info in your posts, there wasn’t much to narrow down the number of people to whom you might have been referring. I hope you feel a little more reassured.


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  • #172586

    Insight

    I wish there was an edit button! lol I made too many posts on here: http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/am-i-taking-it-the-wrong-way

    Can someone (any moderators on this forum?) please remove these two?: http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/am-i-taking-it-the-wrong-way/#post-172582 AND http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/am-i-taking-it-the-wrong-way/#post-172584

    I will read my answer before posting from now on.


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  • #177000

    KindlySmile

    @irene

    This thread was from a troll and it has put a spotlight on a user under a false light that is just not right: http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/forums/topic/stop-hurting-each-other/#post-176998

    I hope this gets removed because it’s gone on for too long.

    This should not be tolerated. We’re giving it too much attention.


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    • #177119

      Irene
      Keymaster

      @KindlySmile

      I asked people to stop commenting on the initial thread and you have carried it forward here. Please do not do that. Anyone who continues this conversation will be blocked from further participation.

      I’m sure you don’t mean to but you and others are continuing this dialogue that is off-topic and not useful.

      Thanks for your help!

      Best, Irene

      • This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Irene.

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      • This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Irene.
  • #177140

    Now I’m Not Mia

    See? This is not a good thing and I’m using the same email address.


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    • #177141

      Irene
      Keymaster

      Hi Now I’m Not Mia,

      This blog has functioned well for more than seven years with only occasional blips—I don’t mean to minimize the problem in any way but, unfortunately, trolls and spammers are everywhere on the Internet.

      The best thing to do is ignore a troll, whose intent is to provoke discord.

      Regarding your suggestion, if people signed in with actual names and identifying information, the forums would lose some of the anonymity that makes it easier for people to share confidential and sometimes embarrassing problems.

      I’ve also thought about a sign in through Facebook, but many posters don’t use Facebook.

      As you know, there are no fees associated with this blog so I don’t have access to sophisticated programming technology that would enable another more complicated system. The present system works for most people most of the time.

      In the meantime, can we please move forward and only post comments relevant to friendship?

      Thanks. Irene


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  • #177308

    Mad Hatter

    Some people believe that I am a troll which is weird but ok.

    Cambridge’s definition of trolling:

    “1. someone who leaves an intentionally annoying message on the internet, in order to get attention or cause trouble

    2. a message that someone leaves on the internet that is intended to annoy people:
    A well-constructed troll will provoke irate or confused responses from flamers and newbies.”

    The only thing I am asking is if I am a troll then why are they sounding like one?:

    “HOW OFTEN DO YOU TAKE A SHOWER, TROLL? DO YOU LEAVE THE COMPUTER TO TAKE SHOWERS OR JUST GO FOR WEEKS AT A TIME UNTIL YOU REEK SINCE YOU NEVER SEE REAL PEOPLE?”

    “LOSE SOME WEIGHT TROLL!!!! AND GET A LIFE!!!! QUIT THE GAMING FAT TROLL!”

    “TROLL::!!!!! GET A JOB TROLL!”

    Fair enough, they think I am a troll. The only thing is that is this attitude and obscurities necessary wherever I post a reply? There is a place to post a complaint about me then why follow me around and be like this?

    It is hurtful.

    Weight: I am content with my body even though it’s not perfect I have learned to love my body especially after surviving body image issues, thank JulieB.
    Job: I do have two. I am currently in a my 5 days break.
    Shower: I do so every day. Especially because I have a puppy that loves to play in the mud.

    I am not a troll, please leave me alone.


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    • #177351

      Irene
      Keymaster

      I’m very upset and sorry that someone has been misusing this board. It is being investigated using the person’s IP address and will be reported to their service provider. Please try to ignore any improper posts in the meantime. Thanks for your cooperation.
      Irene


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    • #177391

      Nova Grata

      Hey Mad Hatter

      I’m sorry that you got caught in the fire here, I think this wasn’t really aimed at you. Ever since a week ago or so this poster seems convinced that I’m a fat spoiled troll trying to get to her – using several names, making all these threads etc – could be that the poster assumed you and I are the same person using different names. I am not sure how and why it all came to this, but now Irene had to clean it all up and I feel terrible regardless – I saw all the posts before they got deleted.

      I have read most of your posts here though, Mad Hatter, and I think they have been very decent. I hope you stick around and talk to these people that come here for help and friendship advice – they really need someone you! 🙂

      And thank you, Irene, for being patient and pro!


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  • #177319

    Mad Hatter

    I am sorry JulieB I really thought it was you everywhere I see. Literally everywhere. Forget it. I am too taking a break because I can’t tell who is who. I feel like an idiot now. Until there’s a a proper registration process there’s no point. Emails and names can be faked. Can’t we register people on phone numbers? Gmail and Facebook do that. Will take a hella a lot of effort to then start trolling.


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  • #180982

    shaina ray
    Participant

    I am posting but my post is not visible in the forum when I log out…why?


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