Feeling guilty about not wanting to reply to an old friend
January 10, 2017 at 3:51 pm #180903
My husband just sent me an e-mail from someone who’d contacted him, in an effort to reach me. She must have found it easier to reach him because he’s on one of those professional “linked” sites. At any rate, her e-mail said she’d been trying to reach me, that she felt bad we’d lost touch and asked him to have me write to her at her professional e-mail.
I knew this woman so many years ago that I don’t think I would recognize her if she walked into the room. And although we didn’t have a falling out, I didn’t regret drifting away from her because we were just so different. Also, she was always very competitive, which is a trait which I really don’t like. I didn’t like it when I was young, and like it even less now.
Nonetheless, I feel guilty about not wanting to reply to her, for old time’s sake. Any thoughts about what I should say to myself to keep from feeling guilty?
January 10, 2017 at 3:56 pm #180904
Just that its better to let sleeping dogs lie. That there is no basis for contacting each other,and no point in doing so as you do not want to rekindle a friendship.Just tell your husband you are not going to respond as you dont want to be unpleasant to her so its best to just ignore it.Tell him not to respond either. Dont respond to any of her emails or requests,its far better that way.
January 10, 2017 at 4:36 pm #180907
Thanks for your reply!
The weird thing is that I was just thinking about this former friend the other day. It almost feels as if I conjured her. But even though I was thinking about her, I don’t want to be back in contact with her.
It’s good you advised me what to say to my husband. Knowing him, he will be totally mystified about why I don’t just respond immediately. I agree with you about it being best not to respond at all because of not wanting to be unpleasant. I see that she lives not too far away from where I do (we both settled far from where we grew up), so I’m sure if we started writing, she would suggest getting together. Better not to start.
It is sad to feel this way about her, and I wish I didn’t, but even more, I wish she hadn’t contacted me. When you’ve moved on from a relationship, it’s not good to consider restarting it–especially after a lifetime has passed.
January 11, 2017 at 5:41 am #180918
Dear Kate, we cannot like everyone in our lives! She is still the same person, just older.
HER reasons, could be that she was feeling nostalgic, as some of us do as we age. You are not obligated to answer her. And, if your husband does not understand, just explain that there is no point.
January 11, 2017 at 6:19 am #180919
Thanks for your response.
I just couldn’t deal with tho person’s competitiveness, and you are so right to remind me that she’s the same person.
And it’s a good thing CrystalBallGaze advised me to tell my hubby not to respond to her, because–sure enough!–last night he asked me if I wanted him to respond to her. Nor did he understand why I didn’t want to contact her. But he doesn’t have to understand.
I too feel nostalgic, believe me, but not about this person!
January 12, 2017 at 5:14 am #180953
January 12, 2017 at 6:12 am #180955
You make a good point about the importance of your own feelings. It just occurred to me that the M.D. has no understanding of this; she thinks that everyone feels the way she does, or that they should. This extends to thinking everyone shares her likes and dislikes. Here’s a funny story about that.
Once, we had lunch in a nearby restaurant. After perusing the dessert menu, she haughtily told the waitress, “You should tell the chief to take pistachio off the menu! No one likes pistachio!” “I like it,” I said, but she totally ignored my comment. She then ordered a dessert which was accompanied with two small scoops of ice cream, one being pistachio. Of course she told the waitress to substitute something for that scoop..
When the dessert came, she dove into the ice cream. “This is really good,” she said. “You have to try this!” I took a spoonful. “Isn’t that great?!” she said. “Yes, it’s delicious,” I replied. “And it’s pistachio.”
She looked taken aback, but didn’t say anything. I was so glad the waitress had served the dessert exactly as it was described. (Which she probably wouldn’t have done if the M.D. hadn’t been so rude in the first place.)
January 12, 2017 at 8:10 am #180956
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.