Dread seeing the ex-BFF again

[iizvorMember]

My friendship with my ex-BFF ended a little over a year ago. She did things that caused me a lot of hurt and disappointment. I’m doing better than I was a year ago, but I’m still trying to work through some of it. The worst part is that I still have to see her occasionally. I try to keep my distance as much as possible, but one thing we have in common is our bunco group. Last year it was very uncomfortable for me to be around her at these outings. It was so bad that I was ready to quit the group, even though I get along well with everyone else there. Then, lo and behold, she left the group due to some family issues. It may sound mean, but I was much happier once she left the group. Well, now she has decided to come back and rejoin. Our next outing is coming up, and I have to say I am really dreading it. I thought I’d be over this feeling by now, but I find myself wanting nothing to do with her. Seeing her still brings back some painful memories. Now I’m back to thinking about quitting the bunco group. My husband keeps telling me not to let one person ruin it for me when I get along with everyone else. I should be looking forward to these nights out and having fun, but instead I’m dreading them and feeling tense. Is it crazy of me to quit the group? Will I ever get over this?

[lacoleMember]

I hold my head high…appear to be happy and great no matter how I might be really feeling inside at the moment…I recently saw my ex-bff at a local town event…I appeared chatty, friendly and happy…talked with others that were there and other then a quick hello to her, I said nothing else. I wont EVER let her know that some days I still feel down and upset about what happened with us…not sure what she thought…whether she believed it or assumed it was all an act…I guess that doesn’t matter…

[LearningCurveMember]

Hello, I completely understand your predicament. These ex bf situations are worse than a romantic breakup – when you have to continue to see them because you share the same friendship circle or know people she also knows. I think that’s what makes it so much harder. It’s like you’re getting over her and then bang you have to see her again and it brings up all those hurtful feelings. But I agree with everyone here, don’t quit your group, having those friends are really important. I like Kloe’s idea of pretending she’s a stranger, be polite, but be an actress and act like you don’t know her very well (and don’t plan to). It’s possible that if she sees how close you are with everyone (especially since she’s been away for a while) she might decide she’s not that comfortable and it’s not for her.

[gina]

I know I am a little late, as your post has been a long time ago. But my only advise is to Forgive her in full. Don’t get caught up in the ex friend power struggle games, you won’t win, and what prize do you really get? Nothing. The best thing is to release her and give yourself peace that you did what you could and she just wasn’t a good person, which is NO reflection on you. I had this same thing happen to me and lost 5 friends at once. After looking at it, I realized they weren’t really friends, friends love you and even when you are struggling, they stand with you to help you through not leave you or cast you away. So this one was the one who let you hurting, think about why she was your friend? What was it the drew you to her? In the future ask yourself, is this a person who has the character that I want in my life or is this just another friend like my old one. You deserve good people in your life. So step out of the ashes and find them.

[Suzanna]

I am right there with ya, ladies! But I think this is one place we can take a cue from guys (I doubt I have ever or will ever say that agin!), and I mean young men, think college guys…
Try to imagine how a guy acts- when he has not called, never asked you out again or did something awkward- and you bump into to him, just acts like it never happens..not rude or distanct just Oblivious!
When I see my Ex..I more acts happy for her, ask questions about her family BUT ask as many questions about the other ladies….and I say the same thing, “Girl, I have not seen you in forever, how the kids?”…if somebody asks if we still talk..I say, ” No You know I would love to hear how she is, I really ought to get ahold of her!”
I always want to be certain, I don’t fuel the gossip fires!

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