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Comfies Part 6

This topic contains 138 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  justbella 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #181414

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi, another one for another month!!! More adventures in living for us all!!!


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  • #181415

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Julie!

    Thanks for starting a new thread!

    Wow, sounds as if your husband has really been energized!

    Jacqueline, I do think the boiler has been repaired, thanks for your good wishes.


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  • #181422

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Glad to hear it, Kate!!!

    And so happy to hear about how well Julie is doing on the homefront 🙂


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  • #181425

    justbella
    Participant

    Good morning!

    Just posted on your other thread about the article from Facebook.

    It reminds me of what a friend and I were discussing yesterday. She had a big birthday yesterday,and aging was on her mind. I told her we should make a point of being treated with respect from here on out. Our time is becoming increasingly precious.


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  • #181427

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Right on, Kate! If not NOW, then when?

    On another note, I wanted to mention that I worked an almost 12 hour day yesterday, after having been off for 6! Every time I come in now, since “that episode” as I call it, my boss tells me he does not want me stressed or upset! He has done a total turn around (hope it lasts!) and is killing me with kindness!

    And, I came up with an idea concerning my son and the baby. Because her immune system is still compromised and the doctor wants them to wait until she is at least 3 months before exposing her to the outside world (not to mention my son and the girlfriend are overwhelmed and paranoid, which I can certainly understand) I came up with the idea of spending some Skype time so that I can at least SEE her, LIVE…

    Hope the heat is still on!


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  • #181428

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    I was just wondering whether you had to work this week. I’m so glad that your boss is being conscientious about not putting you under stress!

    Skype is a great idea!

    As the week draws to a close, I’m feeling nervous about hearing from the M.D. (She normally calls toward the end of the week, because she hopes to visit on the weekend.) But I have resolved not to engage with her anymore, not to discuss why I’m withdrawing from the friendship ever again. She does not listen, but simply rages the minute I start speaking. I will never again allow her to dump her anger on me.

    We will have to make arrangements about the financial aspect of our business. I am trying to come up with a resolution to that, so that it doesn’t drag on forever.


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  • #181429

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi there! We are getting lots one without theTV on. Yesterday we cleaned the whole attic. Found 10 quilts and other things we will bring to homeless shelter today. Last night he even went with me to my landlord class to learn how to use the new forms, its a first.

    Kate, glad you have heat!!! I know you will come up with a way to get her to pay. Run it by us if you need feedback.

    Jacqueline skype idea is great!!! One comfortable step toward seeing and then visiting the baby!


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  • #181431

    justbella
    Participant

    Good to hear from you, Julie! Ten quilts! Wow!

    Yes, indeed, if I have to deal with the M.D. about finances, I will certainly ask for help.


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  • #181434

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    I am so proud of both my girls – Kate and Julie! Such progress!!!!!!!! Kate, you have finally realized that you do not owe the Drain ANY explanations!!!! And Julie, I am so happy to hear how hubby is finally being a partner to you. You are doing so much good by donating your unwanted stuff!

    I had told my son this a.m. that I know he cannot wait to get home and be with his g/f and the baby! They are his life. Now he can understand the fierce, protective, unconditional love that we, as parents, feel for our children. And, it never changes, no matter how old they are. They will always always be our babies! He loved the Skype idea, which we will do later tonight, AND he invited me for brunch on Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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  • #181436

    justbella
    Participant

    Jacqueline,

    How exciting that you will get to Skype tonight and see Lou! And even more exciting will be brunch this Sunday! I’m so happy for you!


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  • #181437

    Bubbles
    Participant

    We are all doing great!!! Yay!!!!!


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  • #181439

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    It’s about time!!!!!!!

    Now, we just need to hear that our Lottie is doing great!!!! Where art thou, oh Lottie??????


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  • #181440

    justbella
    Participant

    Yes, it would be good to hear from Lottie! She has really had a lot on her plate with her father. It is amazing how these ancient men can continue to be so ferociously maddening. My father wore on me so much that I started to think he was going to outlive me. At first, I foolishly believed that he would want to make things right with me at the end of his life, but that didn’t happen.


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  • #181449

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Lottie!!!!!


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  • #181493

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m wondering how everyone is doing.

    Did you have brunch on Sunday, Jacqueline? If so, what was it like seeing Lou again?

    Julie has been busy, I know. And I’m wondering how Lottie is doing.


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  • #181501

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi Kate!

    Hope all is well with you, and that the heat is on!!!!!

    Yes, Julie is doing well as she said, which is great news….It is only our Lottie who has not let us know how she is.

    Thanks for asking. The Brunch went really well! I got to spend quality time with my family. I got to hold my Lou and talk to her. The best, was watching my son with his daughter. It was touching to realize how proud I am that I raised him so that he is an excellent father!!!!!


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  • #181515

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    I’m so happy that you got to spend time with your family, to hold Lou, to see what a good father your son is! That is truly wonderful! And you are such a caring person, that it is only natural that your son would care deeply for his daughter.

    Yes, it is toasty here! Thanks for remembering!

    The bad news is that The Wicked Witch left a message late yesterday. If you’d heard her voice, you would have thought she was normal. She said she was calling to find out how I was. But that is not normal, not given how she’s treated me.

    I am trying to decide whether to return the call, just to discuss business matters. If I do, I have resolved that from now on I will NOT engage in any discussion of our “friendship.” There is nothing to discuss anyway, because all she wants is someone to visit, so that she doesn’t have to be alone. And I am not allowing her to visit.


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  • #181516

    justbella
    Participant

    P.S. As I’ve said previously, I too would really like to hear from Lottie. It seems that, lately, she has felt the need to be silent some. I’m sure we’ll hear from her as soon as she feels more communicative. In the meantime, I hope she checks in here, and sees that we all are thinking of her!


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  • #181518

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi Kate,

    I am so proud of you, to be able to separate your business and personal relationship with the W.W.! As long as you keep it strictly business, and know she will try every trick in the book to come over, you will be fine!!!

    I wish I could show you pics of my little Lou.

    I have been thinking of Lottie, and agree with you Kate. She will be back when she is ready. She knows we miss her and are thinking of her.


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  • #181523

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    I would love to see pics of Lou!

    Yes, the W.W. will use every trick in the book. Leaving the message that she was calling to ask how I was doing was very manipulative. As if I’m so dense that I can’t see right through that. You don’t shout and rage at someone, and then turn around and pretend to be concerned.

    As another friend said to me yesterday, she is perfectly capable of acting as if nothing ever happened. That has always been the case with her. I have forgiven her and tried to forget her behavior more times than I could possibly count, but she never changes.


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  • #181545

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Comfies

    Thank you so much for remembering me and jolting me into action. My apologises for not being with you all earlier.My mind yet again has been in turmoil. You will be pleased to know I haven’t caved in to visiting my father,but it has made me gittery fighting it.Infact very tense and achey which in turn made me sooo sleepy. My husband has been very supportive.So sorry again comfies.

    Have to say how pleased I am Jacqueline you have held baby Lou. What a wonderful feeling it must be.Having not had any children I cant imagine how you felt.Is your boss still behaving himself.And the new job. Is it still March for a trial period. Have you anything to add.

    Kate thank you for mentioning me. My thoughts were with you.Did try to reply last week but was LOST for words. Now that is a first!!!Is WW your new name for D???Also glad to hear your heating is working.Today we had a
    business meeting here with Ds brother. Of course he commiserated with me over his sister. He has told me so much,and I him. “D” has now got a lump and says the top of top specialists and many more are bewildered as to what it is.She also told me her beautiful teeth (they are not) have been so admired by more top consultants who have asked for photos to use at a dental hospital.Her teeth are false and look it. Her brother confirmed they were rotten years ago by smoking drinking and other……. He said all the family get fed up with hearing her brag ,lie, inflate herself.She has to be better at everything.Why does she resort to lies.Like previously said I find it so insulting. She also asked if will I be able to pay the price of a tooth implant.I thought you cheeky article.Stupidly I thought she had improved but alas she is just the same. The latest is she has a hole in her head where some bone is growing through. I couldn’t resist saying perhaps it is a 2nd head!!!! She has contacted everybody who will listen saying she is happy to prepare for another life and is not afraid because she will be going to a better place.BUT we haven’t heard exactly what is supposed to be wrong with her.Because there is nothing wrong, just a figment of her imagination yet again.ALL the top consultants and specialists from all hospitals and universitys are meeting to discuss her again.Her brother says the worst deed I did was let her sneak back into my life with her fantasies.

    The last time I wrote I think I was seeing the Maxillio Surgeon again.That was about 3 weeks ago. Another letter has been sent to my dentist,who has not contacted me.In the meantime I have seen another dentist who did an xray super enlarged showing a fracture in a crowned tooth.She has said the fracture which must have had an infection caused the sinus to also get infected. All is well now with my teeth at the moment. If it flares up again then she will do my treatment privately.Beggars belief how my own dentist has ignored everything.

    Thank you for reading I feel so much better writing all down and posting.
    Incidentally Ds brother is 100% queaky clean regarding any tittle tattling.We discuss and that is it.

    Take care Comfies. Thank you for being here,and sorry if I have repeated anything.Lottie


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  • #181549

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie!

    Glad you got to the bottom of that tooth, so to speak! It is weird and uncaring of your own dentist not to have replied to the specialist. I need to see my dentist, but really haven’t been in the mood to do much, so haven’t made an appointment.

    LOL about the D.’s second head! Could you imagine what it would be like if she did have a second one, and that one talked just as much and bragged just as much about the “top specialists’ consulting about HER! The D.’s heads could just talk to each other, trying to out brag each other. But if she came to visit you, you’d have to lock up your food, because you’d have two extra mouths to feed! The D. would be grabbing food and drink with both hands for both heads!

    It’s great that you can talk to her brother. My D’s brother is a stuck up prig. He reminds me of Sebastian’s older brother in “Brideshead Revisited.” Nonetheless, I have thought about calling him in regard to the D. (Jacqueline and I called her the Wicked Witch the other day, hence the W.W.)

    I need to call her back about some financial things, but haven’t been able to do it so far. Maybe tomorrow. I’ve gone from not being able to see her to not being able to talk with her. But I have to.

    Great to hear from you, Lottie! But I understand how dealing with everything can zap your energy.


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  • #181554

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi there, Lottie! So glad you finally showed up!! Seriously though, we all know how it can be too much to write when we are going through a rough time. Happy that hubby has been supportive.

    I think that large x-ray you are talking about is called a “panorex”, which I describe as a panoramic view of your teeth, bone structure. That is terrible you never heard from your own dentist. Smart move to be seeing someone else. Sometimes, we get too comfortable in a relationship, and find it hard to make a change. But, a change can be just what the doctor ordered….Pun intended!!!

    You do not have to feel guilty about not seeing your father. He only upsets you and does not appreciate anything you do. It is about time you thought about Lottie!

    Your Main Drain has a constant need for attention. And the ridiculous things she says….I wonder how people can keep a straight face listening to her drivel.

    What touched me the most when I was at my son’s place last weekend, was watching him with his daughter. I was so proud of him. In spite of everything, I knew deep down, that I have brought him up right. He said he does not want to keep anything from me anymore, and so our relationship has definitely improved. Spending time together, and me telling him that everything he feels for his daughter right now, will never change. She will always be his baby, no matter how old she is! That we will always feel this protective and worried about them. I said I wanted transparency and honesty. He agreed and keeps saying how lucky they all are to have me in their lives. That I will be an amazing grandmother….damn right I will be!!!

    My boss has been on best behaviour, but I still have my guard up. I am trying out at the veterinarian clinic in mid March! Next week. my life will be work work work, as my colleague is leaving on vacation for 10 days.


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  • #181557

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi there all! Lottie so glad to hear whats going on! The pain you have been through with your father and that tooth!!! Id be so angry i would want to sue your dentist!!! Glad you found another one.

    Kate, glad to here you have stopped allowing the MD to have a personal relationship with you..though you could hold that out as a carrot until the donkey pays you back and then block her and ignore her forever.

    Jacqueline, im happy you have a closer relationship with your sone, everything will be easier now because of it.

    I have to re side one of my rentals. After 35 years, the siding is getting bad especially the south side. Getting bids now.

    On the friends front: i am relieved the spa friend has not texed me. Maybe she got the message! I did block her calls and voicemails! The other woman who tried to borrow money from me is also blocked. Whew.

    I am on this narcism FB site and these various posts bring up a lot of pain for me. I think both my parents were narcs. I have so much in common with the 30000 other abused neglected folks in that private group. It is healing though.

    My girlfriend who loves to eat and moved far away seems difficult. I dared to call hernone evening but she could only talk for 2 minutes ….she was at taco bell eating alone….oh well. Maybe it is her tone when she says how busy she is and that she has to go…dont know. I only called because her sexually abusive 92 year old stepfather died and she had to help with the funeral. Everyone but her enabling mother is glad he is gone. I would have had him cremated and dumped the ashes in a garbage can but she has to do the right thing. I guess i will go back to texts only with her.


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  • #181558

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi there Kate Jacqueline and Bubbly

    Thank you all for being so supportive.This tiredness is so exhausting for me.

    Everything I have just written has been deleted as Bubblys post came.ha

    Oh Kate how I have laughed about two heads talking and bragging then eating our food.

    The good thing for you Kate is you no longer feel you have to return calls immediately to D. You do them at leisure. She will have sensed you are are moving on from her.It will drift into weeks and months and hopefully will end up something from your past.I wonder what sort of upbringing they had as her brother is the same.Maybe they were lacking in guidance from their parents believing that money was god.They sound real toffee nosed people. Not that guidance was shown im my family.We had to learn for ourselves. If we made a mistake so help us God.

    Ds brother said to stay away taking a back seat from her. Him and the siblings
    have as little as possible to do with her.I thought maybe she had improved until I got sucked up again. Now I know differently.I am to blame for allowing her to get too close again. She has even tried to bet that I will visit my father soon.That in a way is working against me. She was laughing as she said it.

    Sorry I cannot continue please ccept my apologises and enjoy your weekend.Lottie


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  • #181559

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Julie, Jacqueline and Lottie!

    So good to hear from you and to receive an update on what’s shaking with you, Julie!

    Sorry about having to reside the rental!

    It’s good that the two user friends got the message, which I think they did because YOU blocked messages from them.

    Good idea to text only with that friend who moved away. I remember her well.

    Hope you’re doing well today, Lottie! When will you have the tooth worked on? I didn’t have the impression that the second dentist you saw did the actual work? Or do I have that wrong?

    And, Jacqueline, sorry to hear you’ll be doing double duty while your colleague is off. I hope the trial period with the vet in March will result in your wanting the job. At any rate, it’s good your boss has been on his best behavior. When do you have the additional tests? I seem to remember mid-Feb., but my memory isn’t the best at this point.

    I just talked with my M.D. I let her know about some possible upcoming expenses. I told her virtually nothing about my life, but she rattled on and on about hers. You may recall that she was seeing the church counselor in order to get her to write a letter for her medical records, basically saying, as the M.D. phrased it, that she “isn’t crazy.” After a year and a half of the M.D. seeing her, while making every effort to appear sane, so that she could dupe the woman into writing this letter, the woman is going to write it. But of course this will not negate the history of her hospitalizations.

    Then she bragged on and on about how she was going to deposit herself on her sister for a visit, only to mention later that she’s going to be staying in her sister’s house alone in order to babysit her sister’s cat. I had thought it strange that her sister was willing to host her again, but it turns out that the sister won’t be hosting her–the cat will!

    Then she bragged about a project she’s been bragging about for over a year; an idea she had, about which she hasn’t yet taken a single step. It is related to what we did together, but which I really did on my own, since she did no work. I am now supposed to feel bad that I’m not working on this new project with her! NOT!

    Oh, and then she made a real point about how she was writing a letter of condolence to a couple of people, and of course I have told you before that she didn’t even send me a sympathy card when my father died.

    Even as I was talking to her, I was trying to think of ways I could take on all of the possible expenses myself, so I would never have to speak to her again. But that is not feasible. Oh well, most people in the world have to do things they don’t want to do because of finances.

    It is good to be able to post here. Just talking to her is upsetting to me.


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  • #181560

    justbella
    Participant

    P.S. Julie, What is the name of the Narcissism blog? You have probably told us before, but of course I can’t remember! Thanks!


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  • #181565

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Support Group for Adult Children of Narcissitic and Toxic Parents. It is on FB …a private group. I met someone online who got me into the group. I could get a friend on FB into the group.

    There are many great blogs too on this. I googled it.


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  • #181567

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi Comfies!

    Lottie, we always want to see the good in everyone and everything. But, people like your Drain don’t change….I always say that a leopard doesn’t change his spots! She is exhausting and manic…always having to prove something…i.e. she is NOT sick (as in the year she wasted “proving” it to the church counselor), she has had much more important health issues and life experiences than you or anyone, etc. etc. She is full of you know what, and like Julie always says, “you can’t reason with crazy”. Just stay away from her, as her own brother has suggested. And, you are not to blame for letting her get close again. You wanted to test the waters, hoped she had changed, but now you know she never will….remember that leopard…..and stop being so damn hard on yourself – YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT, even from YOU!

    I wish you would stop feeling guilty about not seeing your Dad. Easier said than done, huh??? You have been so very kind to him AND your sister, and they never appreciated you. I understand this is a lifetime behaviour of being brainwashed and mistreated, and how difficult it is to go against that. You have so much inner strength to finally choose YOU and do what is best for Lottie. And, Lottie, you have been feeling depressed, achy, sleepy, etc. for a few weeks now. You mentioned hubby has been very supportive, but maybe you need someone professional to talk to at this time, to make you understand that you are not doing anything “bad”. Please consider it.

    Hi Kate! I am so proud of you, so proud that you continue to think of ways you can avoid the WW, proud that you think of her only in business now…

    And, thank-you for remembering about my tests. The rest of them were finalized yesterday. I had to work them in between my now crazy work schedule. Next Friday is the Cardiology ones, a week later is the MRI, and then in March is the neurologist follow-up.

    I am going to be one very tired, but very rich woman…lol…(not looking forward to it)…..

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Jacqueline.

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    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Jacqueline.
  • #181569

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Comfies,

    Julie, thanks for letting me know that the FB group is a private one. And I would indeed ask if you could get me in, were I on FB. I used to belong to some “open” group about Narcissism, but I don’t remember the name; it was quite a while ago!

    Jacqueline, thanks for the information about your tests. Not too long now until you will have completed them and then the neurologist follow-up.

    Yes, LOL about being “very tired but very rich.” In truth, you will be earning more during that time. I hope you will buy yourself a treat!

    How are Star and Diablo doing? Has Star recovered from the sniffles, after being on the increased dose of the med?

    I have to tell you this, because it’s just too weird to keep to myself. Yesterday, the W.W. said she’d given some books to her “therapist.” First, I think it’s weird of a therapist to accept gifts, but I couldn’t believe what they were, especially one. It was a graphic novel, which the W.W. had already presented at one of the ladies’ clubs to which she belongs. Well, it is graphic not only in the sense of being an illustrated novel but also “graphic” in content, containing drawings of people in compromising positions, so to speak. Can you believe she gave that to the therapist? And can you believe that the therapist is going to write a letter saying that the W.W. is “not crazy,” even after receiving that book? (Of course, maybe she hasn’t looked at it yet.)

    Why do you think someone would give their therapist such a novel? If any of you have any ideas on that one, I’d certainly appreciate hearing them? I told another friend about this last night, and she couldn’t believe how inappropriate it was. (And the W.W. is someone who has never had a relationship.)


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  • #181570

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Someone should write a letter that the church counselor is crazy! I am sure she did not look at the book….I wish I was a fly on the wall when she actually opens it.

    After the year she spent showing how “normal” she is, she goes and gives an x-rated book to a church member!!! Since she is off the wall, there is no way to make any sense of this. Maybe when that woman sees the book, she will come to the same conclusion. But then again, how do we know what the “therapist’s” state of mind really is? She is not qualified to judge WW.

    I did not mention my kitties, in light of all going on here…but Kate, you never forget! Thank-you. Diablo is fine with those Lysine Chews, but it did not help Star. She is still sneezing away, which I hate. The problem is that my veterinarian does not want me paying the high fees by going into the clinic, so, he has insisted on taking care of my babies privately. I never liked mixing business with pleasure. So, he suggested a week ago we will put Star on antibiotics to see if that helps. I assume she was sneezing since she was a wee thing, probably caught this from the mother (which is what normally happens). So, because it was left untreated for so long, it became chronic and more difficult to fix. I have to wait until I can see my friend for the meds…If I was dealing with him at the clinic, I could just go and get them and not have to wait. He means well, he knows I am anxious for Star to be 100%, so I just have to be patient (sigh).

    And yes, Kate, I am definitely gonna treat myself with all that $$$$! I will be able to pay for all these tests I am doing privately…..lol…..


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  • #181571

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    It must be frustrating to wait for the meds for Star. We worry so about our fur babies! This morning, I am worried because the snow we had yesterday has frozen, and so I hope the stable owner did not turn my horses out. I just wrote to ask her. A horse I trained (back when I could still ride) was turned out when there was still some ice in his paddock, and he slipped and permanently injured himself. I wish I had my own place, because I don’t entirely trust the judgment of others. Not that I don’t (and certainly have) make mistakes, but I am careful. I am waiting to hear back from her.

    Well, you are indeed “treating” yourself, since you are getting private treatment, so to speak! There is certainly no better way to spend the extra money.

    Yes, I don’t think the W.W.’s “therapist’ is qualified to treat her, speaking of treatment! Especially since her grad degree is in divinity. By the way, the friend with whom I spoke about this thought it was especially odd for the W.W. to give the “graphic” graphic novel to a religious person. You hit on this, too, when you commented on her giving an X-rated book to a church member.

    I thought about how I would have felt if one of my students (I used to be a professor) had given me this book. Frankly, it would have really worried me. I would have felt that in accepting it, I could have been accused of doing something illicit and unprofessional, bordering on illegal. And once I realized what it was, I would have handed it back to the student, saying I could not accept it, that it was highly inappropriate. And I might have gone to my dean about it. These days, you must be above reproach, or you can be accused of inappropriate conduct with a student. I would think the same could happen with a therapist.

    My friend with whom I discussed this pointed out, correctly, how any exchange with the W.W. could quickly become toxic. This is true: I feel as if I were exposed to something dark. So I guess it’s appropriate I’ve been calling her the W.W.

    Thank you for discussing this with me. I find it so troubling. I didn’t address it with the W.W. I chose to engage with her as little as possible. I think she does things TO get attention and a response, which might have been why she gave that book to the therapist. Among other reasons.


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  • #181576

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    I would be worried about my horses, too, Kate. Please let us know that they are all okay and the stable owner was smart enough to realize it is not safe for them or humans, either!! But just realize you are doing your best, Kate, and that is all you can do.

    I agree with you that W.W loves to shock people and she gave this book to see her reaction. Hopefully, once the church member realizes what she was given, she will return it, and tell the W.W. that under these circumstances, she cannot write the letter for her. More proof that this woman is total unbalanced, mentally ill, and off her rocker. She has gone without meds for so long, which may have escalated all her mental problems.

    You are wise to distance yourself from this woman, Kate.


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  • #181577

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    The stable owner wrote that the snow up her way is nice and fluffy, not iced over. I can only hope that she is telling the truth! I look forward to having my horses at my own place after we retire.

    You are right about the mental condition getting worse without medication,of course. So there is that; additionally, there’s the fact that she HAS been taking the same anti-depressant for twenty years, and that taking an antidepressant unilaterally when you are Bipolar can induce a state of hypomania. She herself knows this, and was afraid that her new M.D. would take her off it, but that didn’t happen–and I think it’s because she’s found another Dr. Feelgood, who is only too happy to give her meds in exchange for payment in cash, which is how the W.W. always pays.

    But who knows with this counselor, who is getting paid a large sum of money each week, also in cash from the W.W. The W.W. even noted this yesterday herself. See, she KNOWS what’s what. She is very wily and manipulative.

    Yes, I agree that distance is necessary, Jacqueline, for all sorts of reasons. Thanks you for reading my posts and responding. And thanks for caring about the horses!


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  • #181584

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Kate, I care about EVERYTHING about you!

    You have to believe the stable owner is telling you the truth that there was lots of snow! Why would she lie? The truth always comes out.

    NOW I understand how the W.W. gets away with everything….
    C A S H!! She must have a ton of money to pay off all these people. For me, she is wasting so much of it! And look at all the celebrities who had a Dr. Feelgood and what happened to them? The doctor was all about the money and could care less about their famous patients, who overdosed, albeit accidently.


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  • #181586

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    Thank you, as always, for your kind words!

    I should have clarified what I meant about the stable owner. I meant that it was so cold yesterday that it was questionable whether the snow was fluffy rather than iced over. I knew there was snow, but here, it quickly became icy. She is further north, so I would have thought there was ice. Ice is dangerous for horses. I do get little studs put on their shoes in the winter, to give them traction, but they can still slide. I have known of ones to break legs on ice. And the reason she would prefer to turn out, is so they wouldn’t stay in their stalls all day, making the bedding filthy, making more work when the stalls are mucked out, and requiring more shavings, which equals more money. So, this is why I was questioning her. Unfortunately, I, and my other friends who have horses, have encountered risks being taken with our horses, because of money.

    Well, I had quite a talk with my father’s cousin yesterday. She called me, because it would have been my father’s one hundredth birthday. This is going to take a while to describe, so get comfortable with Diablo and Star and settle in! The cousin and I had a long talk. She told me that my father had told her he sent me ten thousand dollars every year. Perhaps needless to say, he didn’t do this a single time! Not once! And I told her so. She was shocked! She was so stunned, in fact, that she continued to ask me, and I kept telling her that it had NOT happened.

    Then he told her that he’d given me all of his stock. Not that he willed it to me, but that he gave it to me while he was alive. Again, not true.

    Then he told her that he’d helped me buy an expensive place to live, quite expensive, she said. (I live many hours away from her, and she’s never seen where I live, so he could have told her this freely.) I told her that he did not help me at all. That, instead, he tried to get me to let him use my place as collateral so that he could sink his money into an oil well drilling scheme. I told her that he cursed me out when I wouldn’t do it. She said I couldn’t have done it, because it would have involved my husband, too. Precisely. And he was furious when I pointed that out, too. (He involved his nephew, who also lost all of his money, and who didn’t speak to my father ever again.)

    Of course, she believed me about all of this. She said she wished she hadn’t told me what he’d told her, but I said I was glad to know the truth, and that it didn’t surprise me. (Although it did hurt me.) I also said that it gave her a realistic view of me: She’d thought I was someone who was being treated in a generous manner, when the truth was just the opposite. I said I was glad she knew the truth, too.

    I told her that my father wanted HER to see him as a generous and benevolent parent. So he got to reap the rewards of being seen that way, without having to actually do any of it! Just incredible: It wasn’t enough that he was so withholding with me–in fact, trying to use me instead–but he then turned around and presented himself to people as being so kind and helpful to me!

    So, yet another horrible memory for me to have of my father–and on what would have been his hundredth birthday!

    I hope that Lottie also reads this–and Julie too, of course! I mention Lottie in particular because she’s had such a time of it with her own father.

    The weather is warming today, and a snow melt is happening. I’m going to venture forth a bit today, and hope that it will take my mind off of this. But it really does seem that every time I start feeling sad and nostalgic about my father, I hear yet another bad thing. It’s really very hard. Thank you, as always, for listening.

    I hope you have a wonderful, restful weekend, before your marathon in the upcoming days.


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  • #181588

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Dear Dear Kate…..I am so so sorry to read that your father was a legend in his own mind. I guess he never figured anyone would actually find out he lied through his teeth. It is sad that he painted himself as such a wonderful father. If in fact he really was, he would not have had to invent fantasies, because he would have been so pleased to treat you well, and not have to brag about it. It was very important to him that others found him so generous and kind. Yet, too bad he could not have been a loving father to you, Dear Kate. He cared more about what strangers thought, as opposed to his own family. How sad and pathetic. Never doubt for a second what a good daughter you were, in spite of the terrible way he abused you.

    I did not know that horses wore studs, Kate. I understand now why a stable owner would want the horses out. Thank-you for clarifying.

    I have been spoiling myself, in preparation of the marathon! Having a nice relaxing day, and will go out later to do some errands. The temps have been extremely cold these last few days.

    I agree it is a good idea for you to get out, now that the weather is warm. It will do you good and will clear your head.


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  • #181589

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi! Kate your father sounds like my Father . Mine gave hundreds of thousands to charity to make hi self look good to others. Heinous!!! What about me??? I could have not had to work so hard!!! Instead he had a wing built in his childhood grade schoo in Michigan!!!!

    Im so sorry. Lottie too. Again I wish we could all meet someday !!! Who needs narcissistic parents when there are friends like us!!!

    I made 6 logs with my homemade log roller with paperwork we would usually have to shred. We burned them tonight in the outdoor fire pit. So nice!!! We are organizing the whole house room by room. My H shampooed all the carpeting on the main floor last night. Tomorrow we will do the upstairs. Garage and cars are all cleaned, i detailed my car today. Done with the latest rental!!! Yay!!!!


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  • #181591

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    It is so amazing to hear you sounding so good, Julie!!!! What a sense of accomplishment, organizing the house, room by room…and detailing the cars…you and hubby are both working very hard, as a team.

    I saw the pics of your beautiful bonfire on FB and commented.


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  • #181602

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi! Yes, glad you got to see my home made logs!!! Next I will do a video showing how to make them. 5 logs lasted for hours!!! Im happy my rental is done on inside, just waiting for bids on outside to come through.


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  • #181606

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Comfies,

    Hope you all had a good weekend!

    Jacqueline, best wishes for your marathon! Thank you, as always, for responding to my posts, most recently about the W.W. and about my father.

    Lottie, it was understandable that you let the D. back into your life. She was supportive and even treated you to lunch. But it is very true that the leopard doesn’t change its spots.

    Those of us who had dysfunctional parents tend to either be very closed off, or tend to be very tolerant. I think it’s better to be the latter. All of us here do have good relationships with other people. Yes, we have all had/have some stinkers, but it is good to remind ourselves of our ability to bond with supportive people, as we are doing here.

    Julie, after you and your hubby have finished organizing and sprucing up your place, please come and work on mine! We did do some things last month, but MUCH remains to be done! It is so cool that you galvanized your husband, Julie.

    I remember about your father giving so much to charity. I think our fathers never learned that “charity begins at home.” HA! Seriously, it is so hurtful, emotionally and financially. My life would have been dramatically different if my father had helped me–as would have yours– and both fathers so easily could have. Now it is really galling to learn that he bragged about having done so! I bet he told everyone I’ve been dealing with in his hometown how generously he’d treated me! I am talking with his caretaker today, and asking if he told her this. I bet all of these people have seen me as this spoiled creature, when the truth was just the opposite. By the way, when I told his cousin this, she said she believed me, and told me a story about her father. (It was pretty mild in comparison to how our fathers behaved, but it was hurtful.)

    On a happier note, I told my childhood friend about how my father had treated me, and she responded with such love and support. In fact, yesterday I received a Valentine from her, saying she wanted me to know that I was loved. It’s here on the bookcase in front of me as I type. Thank God for friends, including the wonderful Comfies!


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  • #181621

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Yes, Kate, you are so loved, and not only on Valentine’s Day! I wish everyone AMOUR TOUJOURS!

    We had a huge snowstorm Sunday overnight and my car was buried in it. I felt like David and Goliath. I had a small little shovel, and after I was 3/4 done, a man came out of nowhere and asked if I needed help. Oh ya! His shovel was triple the size of mine and it took two minutes! He then asked if I would like him to move my car out of its spot. I was so tired that I just nodded. I offered him money for helping me, but he refused. I asked if he lived nearby, in case there is another snowstorm..hahaha…and now I find out there will be, starting this afternoon!!!!

    I got to work with wet pants and feeling achy. I used the hand dryer in the bathroom to dry off. Luckily, as crazy hectic as the day was, it went very smoothly and my boss was amazing! It was just half a day.

    I asked my boss about summer vacation, and he still does not know. I told him I was booking something that night, and he would manage without me!

    I want to go up north, near where I used to go camping with my kids for 8 years. There is a mobile home I had my eye on last year to rent, but lost out on it because my boss gave us our vacation schedule too late.

    The owner had no problem with me having one kitty, but when I mentioned there would be a second one, she was hesitant. So, I told her I am responsible, my kitties are sterilized and declawed and they are Bengals. I also sent her pics. I woke up this morning to her answer: YES! And she said I am very convincing!!!

    So, I am booked for the first 4 days of July. July 1 is Canada Day (similar to your July 4!) and I am soooooooooooooooo excited!!!!

    WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!


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  • #181628

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Happy Valentines day everyone!


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  • #181660

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi,

    I thought I had posted yesterday, but the post did not appear, and then I had trouble logging in this morning. I posted about the trouble on the “welcome” forum, and now things are working fine.

    At any rate, yesterday I said I hoped everyone had a good Valentine’s Day!

    Jacqueline, it’s great that you told your boss you were going to go ahead and book! And great that you talked the lady into letting you bring both Diablo and Star! I know you love nature, so I bet that trailer is in a spectacular setting!

    I plan a mini-trip for this weekend, to see my horses. But speaking of taking pets, I have to take my little dog, and there’s only one motel in that rural area which accepts pets. And recently the motel tries to get you to stay for two nights, which we definitely don’t want to do, so I will have to see if I can talk them into letting me stay one night. That might be a problem, because this is a holiday weekend.


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  • #181671

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi Kate!

    I am having trouble posting too! I keep getting an error message and that what I am writing is unacceptable according to the MOD security….geesh!

    I am thrilled you are getting away to see your horses, which will do you good! And that you are taking your doggie!

    BTW, what holiday is it this weekend???? Have a great time and E N J O Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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  • #181674

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello,

    I am having problems logging in. This is a test.


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  • #181675

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello,

    I log in, post and then the post don’t appear. I am trying once again.


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  • #181683

    justbella
    Participant

    HI Jacqueline,

    Sorry that you have also had problems. I got the error message at one point, but mine was in regard to cookies not being enabled, so I did that, and maybe that’s what allowed me to post. I don’t know.

    Is today the final day of your marathon, or will your colleague be gone for a few days next week? I am sorry that I don’t remember, but seem to have both seven days and ten days in my mind.

    Here, it is Presidents’ Day Weekend, so many people have Mon. off. However, we’re coming back on Sun., and then hope to relax at home on Mon.

    Will you be seeing Lou again this weekend?

    I had all sorts of problems with the electrical power at my father’s house a few days ago. And all of this was exacerbated by the fact that the lawyer hasn’t settled the estate yet, so I didn’t have access to all of the information which the electrical co. needed. It was a big mess. Then there were other complications with the security system, with the property manager, etc. And then we had to do various updates on our phones which pertained to the security system. The whole thing took five and a half hours! Then, the second we finished that evening, my father’s horrible cousin’s husband called, telling me I needed to move some stuff which a tenant had left on the porch of my father’s rental. The nerve!

    The good news is that I haven’t heard another peep from the W.W. I am beginning to hope that she’s finally given up on me.

    I’m looking forward to seeing the foal! The stable owner sent me a photo yesterday, and he has grown since I last saw him. He’s really quite tall for his age. But of course this does not necessarily mean that he will be a huge horse. I do think he will be tall, but probably not exceptionally so. The cool thing about him is that just as I am a horse person, he is a people horse! He just loves people, loves watching them, interacting with them. Yet I think the stable is doing a good job of teaching him about personal space. Once he’s grown, we won’t want a twelve hundred pound animal all over us! But I think he will always be a hugger, which is very nice. His mom is a very sweet mare, and I owned a great uncle of his, who was an especially intelligent and people-orieinted horse. When he passed, I said I was going to get another horse with that breeding, but then I became unable to ride much, so didn’t buy another riding horse. That’s when I started thinking about breeding, and just happened to come across this mare which had breeding very similar to my old horse. Also, I own this foal’s father, and he’s a very good natured stallion. In other words, it makes sense that the foal is a nice guy.

    In fact, I wish I had come from the foal’s family! HA! Not dysfunctional like my own! In fact, I always say I’d be better off if I’d been raised at the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm!


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  • #181685

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    WOW WOW Kate…you certainly have been busy!!!!! I am so glad you will get to see your little baby foal!

    Shhhh…I do not want to even mention you-know-who…Glad all is quiet on the western front.

    My Marathon Week finishes on Tuesday. I was supposed to have the cario ultrasound today. The dr. kept me waiting 45 mins. and it turns out they do not even do the ultrasound that I need! So, I decided I will just have it done at the hospital. I will bring my requisition on Monday, after work.

    No, I have not seen Lou since that other time. But my son and I will Skype either tonight or over the weekend…At least I hope so. The last time he agreed to it, he never did. But I will not give up!!!

    I hear you about wishing you had been raised by horses…I would have much rather been raised by anyone of my loving kitties or doggies.

    Enjoy your weekend, my Dear Friend. Love you xox


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  • #181694

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline!

    It is such a shame that you had to wait forty-five minutes, only to find out that office didn’t do the sort of cardio ultrasound which you needed. It does make sense to have it done at the hospital.

    It’s too bad that you have to “keep on it” with your son about Skyping. I have to say that my experience with most men is that they have to be pushed. You convey how something is important, and then you think they will keep that in mind. Not! Of course, women can be this way, too. Frankly, when I think of the W.W. (On the western front indeed! As in the W.W. of the West! And, she DOES live west of here! Ha, ha.), I don’t think of her as male or female. I just realized that. In a way, it makes sense that she’s never had a romantic relationship. Not that she seems androgynous; in fact, she seems so asexual that she doesn’t even seem androgynous. She styles hair and wears makeup, so she looks female, but doesn’t convey femininity or masculinity. This is hard to articulate, and I’ve just this moment considered it.

    It will be nice to see the horses this weekend! I retired my old horse at this same farm, and a few times the W.W. accompanied us, because the stallion often showed at a nearby venue. I was always so nervous when she was at the stable. Even there, she had to be the center of attention. The first time she went, she cornered the stable owner, talking nonstop, when I wanted to speak to the owner about some aspects of my horse’s care. And she told her some stuff which was an absolute lie, trying to impress her. I was standing right there, and she knew that I knew she was lying. Just unbelievable. After the visit, I talked to the stable owner about her, explaining that she was out of control and saying things which weren’t true. Now that I remember it, she only went there twice with me, but both times were excruciating, marring the visit. This was such an annoying fact about her: She constantly wanted to do things, and then would ruin whatever expedition or event she attended. Urgggh!

    On a happier note, a good friend of ours is going with us today, and he is a delightful person. Despite what I said earlier about men having to be pushed, he is not that way at all. He also knows horses, so it will be fun to see what he thinks of the foal! And he is the type of person I enjoy introducing to others. And of course our little dog is going. So it should be a good outing.

    I hope that you have a good weekend, Jacqueline! Love you, too!


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  • #181706

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi all, having a busy time trying to catch up on everything. Took H to the doctor yesterday because we went out for breakfast and he had an anxiety attack and had to leave the restaurant before we ordered. Then I asked him to drive right then over to urgency care clinic which was 5 min away. Dr said he has generalized anxiety disorder with depression. Gave him 2 different meds. Hope they help.

    Four bids on the bad siding.

    22K for complete nice new Hardiplank siding on the entire 2 story duplex Plus 4000 for painting the whole duplex.

    7k for correcting and replacing just that ine side and 4800 for paint job.

    850 labor plus about 1000 for materials to let our little workman re side the bad side only, then 3800 for my painter to paint the whole building. ( sounds good!) he sided a garage for us and did a good job.

    11k for doing the bad side and all the painting

    I am planning on going to the Health Center alone on the 26 th for a week. It helps me so much. But i have to wrap up some tax stuff, etc before then. At least I will not have to deal with dysfunctional friends while there. Although i think i have weeded out most of the dysfunctionals!!! Blocked the moneygrubber, the spa friend has not texted me, she is blocked also. I heard that moneygrubber got her 50k ” loan” from a man in one of the contact making groups!!! Uh…o…kay…!!!! Good luck getting yo money back sucker!!!!

    The overweight friend who hates to talk on the phone for more than 2 min txts ne every month or so to mert. I hope we will have something to talk about when i visit with her this weekend…

    Kate, if MD is putting out vibes of neither male nor female, what vibe IS she putting out? Crazy vibe? Scary? Unknown? She would scare me I think. Horses are so smart and my favorite animal. My other favorites are Giraffes, owls, Turtles.

    Jacqueline, let us know how the test went Monday. Glad they are following up for you.


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  • #181729

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Julie!

    Sorry to hear about your husband’s anxiety and depression, but it’s great that you got him to go to the doctor, and that he’s been started on meds.

    And I am sure you will have a much better time at the Health Center on your own.

    It was interesting to hear about the different bids. I was thinking about all of the work you do managing the rentals, because I was contrasting it to the way that my father just let his slides. One of the houses is on the property I inherited, and I’ve thought about just tearing it down. But now I’m thinking more about having a contractor give me an estimate for renovation. And hearing about all of the bids you had for the siding and painting, I think I should bring in at least one more contractor.

    Let us know know how your meeting with your friend went.

    You have a great list of animal favs. Whales are among my favorites, too.

    Greetings to Jacqueline, too. Hope you had a good weekend, and got to Skype. And hell to Lottie, also.


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  • #181733

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi again Julie,

    After leaving the board, I remember I hadn’t responded to your question about the M.D. I hadn’t really thought about this before, but I think she doesn’t send out any signal about being feminine or masculine; so the fact that she’s never been interested in a relationship makes sense. I think that part of her makeup is missing.

    I’m glad I returned, because I see that I wrote “And hell to Lottie, also.” Of course that should have been “hello.” In fact, I hope Lottie has emerged from the “hell” she’s been in! I hope she’s had her tooth worked on, and is feeling better emotionally, too, after all the stress she’s been under from dealing with her father.


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  • #181734

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Comfies,

    Thought I would just relax and view what is going on. HELL I thought oh no. ha.
    Big apologises for not making contact,like you said Kate much has been going on at this end.
    I haven’t read everything for ages but will have a look later,plus I am home Wednesday and Thursday.

    Did read about you visiting your foal or near “yearly”,and taking your little dog. Pleased to hear all is going well with you.The lawyer is a pain in the butt. He really is dragging his feet over your business. A big Rip Rap is on its way attached to an exocet missile~~~~~Shove that up his posterior!!

    Kate you are so thoughtful for mentioning me,I have had a gruelling time with my father.

    Apologises to Jacqueline for not thanking you for the post about my Xray on the tooth.The tooth is dormant at the moment,so no probs as of yet.My dentist has still not been intouch,but will go to the new one,who said to leave it alone for now. Pleased you got to see baby Lou and have even skyped but then nothing since. Drat ++. I can feel your pain especially as you are such a lovely lady.It always seems people take advantage of kindness,as if we dont matter.
    Are your marathan work hours drawing to a close. And the new job trial period not far off.Pray it will be good,of course it will be.

    Julie so sorry to hear your hubby is suffering at the moment.Really sad for you. We all can get down but when it is hubbys it seems more sad. Well I think it is.Hoping he soon perks up. A Lottie hug is on the way~~~~~~.

    As for my father I didnt give in until a week last Friday.Hadn’t seen him for 3 weeks and was damned determined not to visit even though I also felt down,until a missed call from him was on my mobile. It was a nurse from a care home where he had been sent after the hospital discharged him.So I gave in to visit. Well he cried and sobbed and sobbed it was something I had never experienced with him before. Great big tears and runny nose the full works.

    He said they had put him a ward with zombies the day I had left the hospital and more or less ignored him. Serves him right.he says he never wants to go to THAT hospital again.So some good came out of it. Then he said,AFTER I asked about the pacemaker that they told him they sometimes blow up in peoples bodies and they die anyway. Highly unlikely that they said that. More like he he made it up. Well he continued to sob,saying that he hadn’t eaten his food and had lost weight. In other words he had tantrums there and thought he ruled the hospital.He said his mind was muddled after I told him I will not put up with his rubbish anymore.SOB SOB.TISSUES SOB SOB.

    That was aweek ago, he now is getting back to normal… SH..TY. The biscuits +++ he asked me for he gave to other residents.Then on Saturday he rang me to get him an electric razor and take asap which I did.If he gave me his door key I could get his from home. He cried again it was my mothers anniversary of her dying last year. The funny thing is I haven’t cried nor have I been to the grave. Do any of you have thoughts/reasons on that please? My sister texted to say she was crying,yet when I email her about something she is too busy to reply for weeks or not at all.

    I do feel stronger and am trying not to run when he snaps his fingers.
    One weird thing he said was for me to stop causing trouble. He spoke very loud so the staff could hear. All I asked was would he like me to peel a banana for him..weird. Or was it to let the staff hear so they will think I was causing trouble. I laughed at him, then he did. He has not lost his mind and is all there with his cough drops so to speak.He will be home soon I think.They will get the gist of him.Take care Comfies and thank you for being here.Sorry about not being a good Comfy to you all. Lottie


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  • #181735

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Comfies,

    Thought I would just relax and view what is going on. HELL I thought oh no. ha.
    Big apologises for not making contact,like you said Kate much has been going on at this end.
    I haven’t read everything for ages but will have a look later,plus I am home Wednesday and Thursday.

    Did read about you visiting your foal or near “yearly”,and taking your little dog. Pleased to hear all is going well with you.The lawyer is a pain in the butt. He really is dragging his feet over your business. A big Rip Rap is on its way attached to an exocet missile~~~~~Shove that up his posterior!!

    Kate you are so thoughtful for mentioning me,I have had a gruelling time with my father.

    Apologises to Jacqueline for not thanking you for the post about my Xray on the tooth.The tooth is dormant at the moment,so no probs as of yet.My dentist has still not been intouch,but will go to the new one,who said to leave it alone for now. Pleased you got to see baby Lou and have even skyped but then nothing since. Drat ++. I can feel your pain especially as you are such a lovely lady.It always seems people take advantage of kindness,as if we dont matter.
    Are your marathan work hours drawing to a close. And the new job trial period not far off.Pray it will be good,of course it will be.

    Julie so sorry to hear your hubby is suffering at the moment.Really sad for you. We all can get down but when it is hubbys it seems more sad. Well I think it is.Hoping he soon perks up. A Lottie hug is on the way~~~~~~.

    As for my father I didnt give in until a week last Friday.Hadn’t seen him for 3 weeks and was damned determined not to visit even though I also felt down,until a missed call from him was on my mobile. It was a nurse from a care home where he had been sent after the hospital discharged him.So I gave in to visit. Well he cried and sobbed and sobbed it was something I had never experienced with him before. Great big tears and runny nose the full works.

    He said they had put him a ward with zombies the day I had left the hospital and more or less ignored him. Serves him right.he says he never wants to go to THAT hospital again.So some good came out of it. Then he said,AFTER I asked about the pacemaker that they told him they sometimes blow up in peoples bodies and they die anyway. Highly unlikely that they said that. More like he he made it up. Well he continued to sob,saying that he hadn’t eaten his food and had lost weight. In other words he had tantrums there and thought he ruled the hospital.He said his mind was muddled after I told him I will not put up with his rubbish anymore.SOB SOB.TISSUES SOB SOB.

    That was aweek ago, he now is getting back to normal… SH..TY. The biscuits +++ he asked me for he gave to other residents.Then on Saturday he rang me to get him an electric razor and take asap which I did.If he gave me his door key I could get his from home. He cried again it was my mothers anniversary of her dying last year. The funny thing is I haven’t cried nor have I been to the grave. Do any of you have thoughts/reasons on that please? My sister texted to say she was crying,yet when I email her about something she is too busy to reply for weeks or not at all.

    I do feel stronger and am trying not to run when he snaps his fingers.
    One weird thing he said was for me to stop causing trouble. He spoke very loud so the staff could hear. All I asked was would he like me to peel a banana for him..weird. Or was it to let the staff hear so they will think I was causing trouble. I laughed at him, then he did. He has not lost his mind and is all there with his cough drops so to speak.He will be home soon I think.They will get the gist of him.Take care Comfies and thank you for being here.Sorry about not being a good Comfy to you all. Lottie


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  • #181736

    lottie
    Participant

    Oh for goodness sake it has printed it twice yet a huge ERROR appeared first. I thought here goes the lot will get deleted. A double dose has been sent.LOL


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  • #181737

    lottie
    Participant

    Just been having a quick read through. So is it tomorrow Jacqueline you go for tests. Is it to do with when you had a “funny turn” at work some weeks ago? And your kitties I hope are now feeling better.

    Whats this about a man and his shovel!!!! What ever next helping to clear the snow from your car. I do hope that you were polite and asked him in for a hot toddy before allowing him to go on his way. You tantaliser,look well if he had got stuck ,what in Gods name would you have done? Indeed all that snow I have never seen as much as that, apart from being in New York at JFK airport and it came down like the size of golf balls. Wanted to stay but they managed to clear the runway.

    Kate I know of studs on horse shoes, well needed in ice. We get icey weather but then I wouldnt ride out in that sort of weather.If I fell off I would land heavy. Do you remember me telling you about an old friend who used to text saying she has a another new mobile.Never hello how are you.

    She had a horse so underweight that when it was winter it was skin and bone.Very sad to see. Of course I couldnt say anything she knew best.The field where she had him was always icey,and one winter her horse slipped and broke its leg.She was always falling off and breaking ribs and wrists +++. She was the type who always walked around in her white jodphurs even to go to the supermarket!! And always had a quiver of crops to hand. Horse of the Year Show so she thought of herself.Yet two stalks of hay for the horse. Terrible poor creature. If you cant have a bonny horse in summer then it hasn’t got a cat in hells chance in winter if something terrible happens.He was the poorest horse I have ever seen.But she knew best.Even now i cannot see how she couldn’t see it for herself.But she had all the gear to ride in.Kept underweight she would manage him better.

    She once said she goes EVENTING and I said under my breath more like INVENTING.She heard,didn’t speak to me for months. Incidentlly I think she has fallen out with me again.The day after we took her husband a bottle of whiskey for his birthday.She has to use someone for her whipping boy it always seems to me.But who cares hey oh ,here we go. She is very needy it gets tiresome.
    Take care Lottie


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  • #181740

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi Comfies,

    Glad to see you back, Lottie. You did the right thing about going to visit your father…Do not feel guilty, and visit him as infrequently as suits you. Just realize he is an Oscar performing actor…a leopard never changes his spots….

    Glad to hear that tooth is dormant. Please keep us posted on what is going on.

    Today is the last day of Marathon Hours!

    Yes, Lottie, tomorrow I go for the MRI (private). I went yesterday to the hospital to bring my referral for the cartid ultrasound, which is a doppler test of the arteries in the neck. All to do with “that episode” at work.

    Star is still sneezing, so I am on to the next step in her treatment. She is on antibiotics. It will take two weeks to know if this is working. If it does, she will need to take them twice weekly for another two months.

    I love you all, my Comfies…..xox


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  • #181741

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Oh, I forgot…Lottie, I wanted to respond to you about visiting your Mom’s grave….Just because you do not go, does not mean you do not miss or love her. She is in your heart, and that is all that matters.

    You do not owe anyone an explanation.

    I loved my grandfather dearly. He passed away when I was 19 years old. As time went on, it became more difficult for me to go to the cemetary as much as I would have liked. I go maybe two or three times a year. But he is alive in my thoughts and my heart. I believe he knows I have not forgotten him, and I never will.

    Do what is good for YOU Lottie. You are such an amazing woman. Never forget that. Be true to YOURSELF…You owe nothing to anyone else.


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  • #181742

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello Comfies,

    And a special greeting to Lottie: HELLo! Ha, ha. Seriously, GOOD to hear from you!

    Yes, you did the right thing in waiting to visit your father until you could. My read on visiting your mother’s grave is the same; you will go when the time is right. I think you weren’t overcome with grief on the anniversary of her death because you have been put through so much by your father that you have had to steel yourself in general. Sometimes, when our system is overloaded, we have to withdraw some in order to regroup and to protect ourselves. Or at least that is what I have found.

    I think visiting graves is for the living, and if the living don’t want to visit, that is fine. The dead have departed this earth, so those visits are for the living.

    Yes, I remember hearing about that woman. I always think you can tell a lot about a person by the way they keep their horses, don’t you?

    I understand about being used as a whipping boy. I think if you’re a kind and warm person, small-minded people can see that as weakness, and feel that you are safe to be used as a scapegoat. They assume you won’t retaliate. Probably the best thing to do is to tell them off, but if you aren’t an assertive person, I think the best thing is to avoid them. In fact, even if you are assertive, it’s probably best to avoid them rather than to engage.

    When is the carotid ultrasound, Jacqueline? MRI’s are tedious; I’m sorry you will have to spend that time in the machine today. Then when do you meet with the neurologist for his analysis of these tests?

    I hope that Star will respond to the antibiotics soon!

    Happy last day of our marathon!


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  • #181743

    justbella
    Participant

    P.S. I meant to say “your” marathon, not “our” marathon! I need to proofread my posts!


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  • #181747

    lottie
    Participant

    Thank you Comfies for your replies,

    Jacqueline I once remember someone saying that cats/kitties can be allergic to Amaryllis plants,and am wondering if you have any or other plants in the house. It is worth checking it out.Plus pollen from some trees which are early budding might also be worth checking. Have you thought of any allergies concerning puss? Silver Birch trees affect me when they start to bud and of course grass too.Yes and we are surrounded by it.

    Talking of my father, I phoned him earlier today. He says he very tired. He has money and I truly believe in this country the powers of NHS/care system will extract as much money from him as possible by keeping him from going home. It is in there interest. An article in the Daily Mail some years ago wrote of a pensioner who wasn’t wealthy. When the care system found this out she was sent home for relatives to sort. Father near 96yrs and fully sound verbablly,will be bled dry first. My opinion only. Have to be careful the Free Speak Police might come to arrest me.BUT he has brought this on himself no one else to blame.He has”called wolf” too many times and maybe they are saying enough is enough.
    I shall visit him this week and most certainly catch the care home on the hop by asking for a copy of his medication.Bet anything he is something to blot his mind to keep him quiet.

    Yes I thought it was the episode at work that had brought all this on. Tomorrow being the day you go for the MRI. We all will be thinking good positive thought for you. Remember you are a strong good kind hearted person. We know from how thoughtful you are to us in your replies.BLESS.

    Hi there Kate,

    Agree with you about being assertive. I’ll take so much then wack in the juggular or I go away.When you have been through what we have suffered sometimes it is as well to retreat. Like the horse friend who uses me for all excuses when things in her home life are sad I just back away. Really she isn’t as strong as me in a millions years but thinks she is.All she has is several grandchildren whose lives she interfers in acting as matriarch. She isn’t. Her oldest being a daughter was belittled by her father from a young age.verbal abuse. Hence she hasn’t achieved anything in life to be proud of.Probably a prize drug taker. The second oldest being a son went on to have 3 yes 3 children with 3 different girls. What hope is there for them. My friend or ex friend she is yet again, never stood up to her husband who has always been a bullying oaf.Plus if things don’t go her way she resorts to sulking which is what she is in at the moment. Then she always says to me “its alright for you”.And yes Kate her mare was one sad state.What I was saying yesterday is if a horse is skin and bone in summer when we have lush grass it doesn’t stand much chance during the long cold winter when grass is nil.

    Talking of my mother I don’t miss her or anything she stood for. This sounds harsh I dont know.Only today I was at the hairdressers and she mentioned my mothers passing. She said I bet you miss your mother they are/were our best friends.So I disagreed saying she wasn’t mine and never was. All she did was bad mouth me for my fathers sake,covering up for his behaviour. So HD wriggled saying she must have been your best friend. So again I disagreed. Then I asked her to blonde up my hair again. The funny thing is when mother died I did go darker but now maybe I am lifting out of doom and gloom.My hubby says he is glad my father might end up in permanent care.My parents have been mean spirited all their married lives living a lie to outsiders.

    Kate if I sound angry believe me I am not. Just sad so much of my life has been wasted on people who have never given me one iota of thought.As Jacqueline so wisely advised we must see to ourselves.Look how amazingly she has turned her life round.You also Kate write differently from how you were 12 months ago.

    To make you smile whilst writing here my D phoned (she also) has a lump,much more serious than anyone else. The top surgeons of top consultants are all now meeting at some unheard of hospital to discuss this lump of lumps.I asked if she was growing another head.That is twice now I have said that to her.!!! All serious major life threatening illnesses and linked operations are to BE (NOT HAVE) postponed with having to fatham out what she has.

    Could your D be gay and still in the closet so to speak?It might be a problem she is trying to come to terms with. Has she a husband I dont recall you mentioning one in the past.

    Thank you for being here it has helped to feel better. Take care and best wishes for tomorrow Jacqueline…. Lottie


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  • #181748

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    The woman with the mare sounds as if she does look for others to scapegoat; she can’t stand up to her husband, so takes out her anger on others. And anyone who doesn’t feed their horse properly gets a big black mark in my book.

    That is too funny about the “lump of lumps.” I keep picturing your comment about the second head, and my imagining you having two heads to feed and two there to brag to you. By the way, my D. always has the worst possible case of whatever is on the list that day. Once she said repeatedly that her lower leg was just hanging onto her upper leg by a thread. This after a doctor had X-rayed it and told her she just had some mild arthritis. Well, I kept hearing that about the thread so much that I finally told her to have an MRI. She did, and of course THAT also showed only some mild arthritis. After that, her knee suddenly miraculously healed. (As I wrote that about the MRI, I wondered how our Jacqueline’s MRI went today. I’ve had MRI’s a couple of times, and hate having to hold still and listen to all of that noise for such a long time.)

    Lottie, I can so relate to your answer to the hairdresser about your mother. When I was going to get married, one of the women at work said, “Oh, I know your mother must be so thrilled!” Well, no, she had been totally opposed to the marriage and totally opposed to my husband and totally opposed to me and anything I ever wanted to do, in any way, whether career or romance; and she hated my friends, horses, etc., etc. Not everyone has a wonderful mother-daughter bond. Far from it. It’s bad enough living through the hell of dysfunctional parents without everyone running around assuming you’ve been raised inside a Hallmark film.

    Oddly enough, speaking of hairdressers, I’ve been thinking about going lighter. I too went darker for a while, but now I would like a lighter look!

    I don’t think my D. is gay. Just as I don’t get any feminine or masculine vibes off her, I have never gotten any gay vibes either. In the past, I used to wonder whether that was the case. She has never had a romantic relationship, and I wondered if that was because she couldn’t deal with being gay. But then I realized it’s not that she’s gay; it’s more that she isn’t anything. Which is why there were no gay vibes! There are no vibes, period.

    She’s “just” a weird person, and that is quite the understatement! I like to think that if I met her today, I would run in the other direction. Actually, I know that I would. I am really on my guard now. Maybe too much so. But better to be too much so than to have any more difficult friendships.

    Well, I hope all of you have a good day/evening, whatever your particular time period is!


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  • #181749

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Dear Friends,

    MRI is tomorrow…Carotid ultrasound…I brought the request to the hospital and they should call in two weeks.

    Lottie, no, my Star is not allergic to any plants. The only one I have is artificial. She was sneezing when I first adopted her, but I decided to take my chances, as her nose, eyes and ears were clear, and she was full of spunk. Her previous owner is totally ignorant. So, I look at it as I rescued her.

    Lottie, Kate, Julie…I feel we have ALL changed in the last year…we gave grown so much. I am proud of all of us.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  Jacqueline.

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    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  Jacqueline.
  • #181751

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi,

    Jacqueline, sorry I got confused about when the MRI wa!. You did say you were taking the request for the carotid ultrasound to the hospital, because you had to wait forty-five min. at the person care physician’s, only to then find out that they did not offer the sort of ultrasound you needed. At any rate, all of the good wishes I sent for yesterday go for today, too!

    I hope that today will be less stressful, since your last marathon day was Tues. Hope that I at least have that correct! I think the overnighter to visit the horses were drained me, so am still not operating with all of my cylinders!

    Yes, I think we have all grown during the last year. Have to say, though, that I continue to have “flashbacks” regarding my M.D. Here’s an example. Some years ago, after my mother had passed, my father told me that one of her uncles had killed a man. Her uncle discovered that his wife was having an affair with another man, and he killed him. My mother was excessively proud of her family, and if there was ever anything about me she didn’t like, would say, “No one in MY family ever did such and such.” In fact, I especially remember her saying this when I had acne! No one in HER family ever had it, of course! So imagine my surprise to learn that someone in her family had actually served time. Well, at that point I still trusted the M.D. (haven’t not yet learned that she’d betrayed my confidences), so I told her what I just told you. A couple of months later, she was visiting, and while my husband was out for a while, but while one of our friends was also present, let’s call him Mike, she looked at him and said, “No one in my family ever murdered anyone. How about in your family, Mike?” Mike said no. Notice how she even used the phrase “no one in MY family,” just as my mother had about things, which of course I’d told the M.D. As it turns out, I had already told Mike about the murder, but the M.D. didn’t know that. The M.D. and I had had no issues, and she was on one of her usual visits; she just wanted to hurt me. And notice that she waited until my husband was out to do so.

    She was so cruel to me. I have no idea how I tolerated her abuse for such a long time. Should also say that after that little scene, she behaved “normally” for the rest of the day. As if that had never happened. Why in the world did she feel the need to wound me? I was never anything but kind to her. There were so many things I could have zinged her with, but I never did. And, as you know, she wanted to visit me all the time, so why did she take the risk of alienating me?

    I wish I’d been on this board years ago! If I had told you about the above interaction at the time, I am sure you’d have had plenty to say!


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  • #181752

    lottie
    Participant

    Morning Comfies,

    Jacqueline hoping all goes well today.Thoughts are with you. If Star is full of fun then hopefully it isnt too serious. You, we all know you will do your best for her.Do they both run upside down along the sofa,and spook themselves. Ours did.

    It was 4 yrs ago yesterday that one of my kitties passed.Although over the years we have had lots of cats/ kitties. My last puss died 2years ago January he was so brave. They all were lovely and cant bring myself to say favourite in case they hear me.We loved them equally.They all were so different and always brought us such comfort and fun to our lives. Wish I had another.reading about yours makes me want another.

    Kate I think Ds like kicking us when they know we are down,it makes them feel superior,because in actual fact they feel rubbish. Have you ever noticed the smug look when they think they score a point against us.They also compliment themselves by turning the conversation to them,highlighting their fake achievments.My D does it to me. Last night she called asking about my father and sister hoping to provide more fuel to drag me down.It didnt work I feel better and asked about her instead. The lump of lumps is nothing and I told her so,she said it is benign. If it had been serious they would operate immediately.It has never been mentioned until my mouth lump appeared and reminded her. She knew I wasnt listening to her tripe. Oh what she did say Kate … she knows a GUY in the FAR EAST who she thinks she will visit for therapy!!! AND the specilists and consultants and surgeons plus God have all said it is a good idea!!!! She has she never told me about this GUY before because it is a figment of her imagination. So I bet she lies low for a few weeks and low and b….y behold she will be cured.Oh yes ….get this my hubby laughed so much. She said her theory is it must be a fossil from her previous life where a bug had crawled through her ear and couldn’t get out!!! Who on this Earth would believe that. Kate what please tell me would they Surgeons C and S be thinking if she told them that.I await Comfies replies. At least we do have fun here. Take care Lottie


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  • #181754

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    I’m sure the Far Eastern holy man will be fascinated to hear about the fossilized bug in the ear from your D.’s previous life. These people really do have empty lives–if not empty ears–as well as empty heads.

    Yes, I have so often seen that smug expression on the D.’s face when she’s thought that she’s scored one. In the case of my great-uncle who killed his wife’s lover, I told the D. that story to illustrate how cruel my mother had been to me, to always say that HER family hadn’t had acne, etc., when it truth they had had a murderer! Then the D. turned right around and tried to zing me with the story, using the same phrasing my mother had, the D. saying that no one in HER family had ever murdered anyone. I felt like I had given her the ammunition to use against me; which, in fact, was precisely what I had done. Of course a true friend will respect your vulnerabilities and try to shield them, but the D.s use them. They see them as a weak spot, sore spot and that’s where they attack.

    On another note, my D. also lies low, and then it’s as if her version of the lump of lumps has also vanished. The truth is whatever she says it is at the moment.


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  • #181757

    lottie
    Participant

    Kate I have had a good laugh,thank you.
    It is a tonic being here.
    What you say is so perfectly true they do turn it round using it as ammunition
    against us. Only when I am on form she really does have to watch her step. Lump of lumps my giddy aunt.Maybe I run out of patience. I have also found using questioning rather than being upset by her nastiness. That makes her wish she had not telephoned. Try it Kate, one question after another you will see how they start stuttering and stammering because we are not supposed to interrupt their line of thought and superior knowledge.It doesn’t matter how simple or obvious the question is it throws them off course. They are busy thinking of their next attack.We sit their wide eyed so they stupidly think we believe every word. Well we don’t.
    Actually Kate there might well be a murder in her family, HER.
    They make it up as they go along so true.She also told me another dramatic stand back in amazement tale of how earlier last night a motorcyclist had driven into her cars drivers door as she turned left onto the main road saying she doesnt know where he came from….my reply was one word RIGHT.How do you mean?…. He came from the RIGHT.The police came and paramedics thinking she was dead! My reply was..more likely they were expecting him to be dead if anyone. Only some weeks ago she told me a similar tale. I reminded her of it. She didn’t get it if a motorcyclist crashes into a car the chances are he will be hurt if flung in the air. No motorcyclist would still be sitting on the motorbike smiling especially as her door was supposed to be hanging off!!She said the police breathalized her,well they would.Then the motorcyclist drove off on his motorbike.His bike would be a wreck. He would have gone to hospital after flying threw the air at 50 miles per hour.
    So in a matter of about 6 weeks she has had two serious accidents,well in her mind. Do you agree Kate and all Comfies she needs once more to be in the limelight.The lump of lumps has died a death.

    Lets hope Jacqueline is doing ok.We might well hear later.It is 16.05 here 22nd Feb. Take care. Lottie


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  • #181760

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    RIGHT! I LOVE it!!!

    Once the M.D. called, and said, “Did you feel it? A shift in the field.” I had no idea what she meant. “There’s been a shift in the field!” she repeated. “I collapsed on the paddle court (she plays paddle tennis), and the ambulance came.” (Maybe the American counterparts of your D.’s police and paramedics.)

    Actually, this was the opening of the saga of the lower-leg-hanging-onto-the-upper by a thread, which I told you about earlier. At the emergency room, she had an X-ray, and was told she had some mild arthritis in the knee, something which everyone has by our age. But not all of us collapse on the paddle court (not that any of the rest of us are on the paddle court to begin with) or wherever and have ambulances with sirens going and lights flashing racing us to the emergency room for osteoarthritis.

    What would our Drains do if they were together? They could try to one-up-each other. Of course, yours may soon have two heads to my M.D.’s one. But both would be equally empty, except for the occasional fossilized insect from a past life.

    The M.D. once told me that a friend’s husband told her a hole had opened in his ceiling, and that a leprechaun had peeked out and then ducked back inside; then the plaster closed over. She believed him. It strikes me that this is the other possibility: In addition to asking them questions, we could always tell them our own tall tales. But I think they should be designed to strike envy, which theirs are supposed to do, too, of course. For example, why not tell your lump of lumps that you have inherited a castle, and that you have invited writers from all of the major magazines to come for a tour, and that the BBC will be filming soon. Talk about being in the limelight! And I will tell mine that I’ve won the lottery. Something like that. As you say, we might as well get some fun out of it all.

    You know what would really get mine? If were to say I was getting plastic surgery. Once I had to get a tooth bonded, and she was just miserable!!! She said, “Are you going to have good looking teeth now?” Can you believe that? I know that you can! She has caps and has had plastic surgery, but I’m not supposed to look halfway decent! Maybe I will say that I have won the lottery, which will enable me to have plastic surgery from the top surgeons in the world (to borrow a page from your D.’s book).

    Now, keep in mind, that the M.D. supposedly just had her church counselor write a note for mer medical records, “enthusiastically” stating that the M.D. is not crazy. Does believing that leprechauns peep out of the ceiling signify sanity?


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  • #181762

    lottie
    Participant

    Kate both Ds are off their trollys.

    If they were together it would be true entertainment for on lookers.

    It is one sensationalism after another.They dream them up adding extras for more excitment. The hanging off of her leg and MILD is just not acceptable.MILD is not in their vocabulary.It has to be life threatening or nothing.Why do they have to tell everybody,for attention. They have nothing going on in their mediocre lives.So they invent.My D rang everybody about the lump.She said she is happy to die and is looking forward to yet another life. Then said she isn’t worried or bothered,so why tell all.She had several bouquets of flowers sent from close friends(not me). Why when she hadn’t even had tests or results. She wanted me to FEEL AWFUL so I also would send some. I didn’t,because nobody else sent any,I bet.

    Your D already thinks you have won the lottery with your fathers estate. That must really niggle her.Do you ever think your Ds money is in the form of a Trust Fund from grandparents. It makes me wonder.She sounds the sort of person who would squander a lump sum.She isn’t at all right in her head if she believed the story of leprechauns.

    Oh just a thought do you think the Natural History Museum in London would like the fossil? Of course she wouldn’t donate it she would want money and TV appearances to discuss. I hope she didnt tell the specialists she thought it was a fossil!! How would they have kept their faces straight.

    Lets have a good laugh. Lottie


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  • #181763

    lottie
    Participant

    Maybe we might hear from Jacqueline and Julie later.

    Hoping all is well with Julies husband and Jacqueline


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  • #181764

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    Doy you think that your D. will take the fossilized bug into her next life? Speaking of questions, why don’t you ask her that? I wouldn’t be able to ask her without laughing.

    My M.D. likes to try to use cool, current slang. Unfortunately, she couldn’t be less cool, so she is always many years behind in slang, or gets it wrong. For example, years after saying something was “wicked good” was no longer in vogue, she started saying that things were “wickedly good.” That “wickedly” was a dead giveaway. At any rate, I told a friend that we should start using the phrase “acid” about things, meaning that they were so hot that they burned. So we started saying that, and the M.D. looked pained, because SHE hadn’t known that “acid” was the new word.

    Really she has treated me so “wickedly” over the years that if I can get in a few chuckles, I deserve it.

    You are quite right that she did not like it when I inherited from my father, even though what I inherited is a drop in the bucket in comparison to her fortune. In fact, on the day that my father died, she started telling me that I would have to pay taxes! As if I didn’t know that, but that’s not the point; the point is: WHO says such a thing to someone on the day of their parent’s death? AND I hadn’t mentioned a word about inheriting anything; I was tired from my trip, grief-stricken and overwhelmed with the arrangements I had to make for the extravaganza of my father’s funeral. And there she is, a friend of many years, chomping at the bit to remind me that I will have to pay taxes! These people ARE fossilized ear bugs. In fact, I’d rather deal with a fossilized bug.

    Why not ask your D. if she thinks the Natural History Museum would like the ear bug? Tell her that it’s just the sort of natural wonder that others would pay to see. And tell her that maybe you could get the BBC to film her and the bug, after the segment about your castle! Once my M.D. visited when there was a big parade. She stared at the parade,and then said, “Wonder what the ladies in the club would say if they saw me on TV in this parade?”

    I used to think that the M.D. was merely eccentric. But she’s way past that!


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  • #181768

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Thanks for thinking of me, Kate and Lottie…you girls had me snickering with all your talk of lumps and fossils!!! Too funny!

    MRI was easy peasy. The noise did not bother me at all and when the technician told me it was over….”What? Already??” It did not feel like I was there for half an hour! So, March 10 is when I see the neurologist for the results.

    Just waiting on the phone call for the carotid ultrasound and that will be that.

    It is beautiful out today, so I decided to treat myself and take my dirty car to the hand car wash (have not cleaned it since the fall) instead of me spending hours doing the inside and out.

    I went for a walk and was pleasantly suprised that my son called!

    Now, we just have to hear from Julie…so that we can rest assured everyone is accounted for….xox


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  • #181769

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    Glad you weren’t claustrophobic in the MRI. I didn’t want to mention that before you had it, in case I put the thought in your mind. Am glad it was no problem! Now just to get the carotid ultrasound out of the way and then meet with the neurologist on March 10.

    Glad too that your son called!

    Yes, I think Lottie and I have had fun discussing the lump of lumps and the fossilized bug, and leprechauns peeping from the ceiling, etc.

    Speaking of Julie, I hope her hubby is doing well on the new meds. I think antidepressants can take a while to kick in, but I would think that anti-anxiety meds work quickly.


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  • #181788

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Comfies,

    Glad to hear all went well at the hospital.Your son has been in contact which must very cheering news for you.That in its self will be a well deserved tonic.

    Isn’t it good we can have a laugh at long last at the antics of our Ds. With not working today she rang this morning asking me to meet in town near to where my father is. I called there first to check on him with him saying he has been very tired. You wont believe what happened. My intentions were to request a copy of his medication whats and nots since leaving hospital. This is weird. A carer was in the office so I asked for a copy. Her reply was ..has the manageress phoned me earlier,to which I said no..why.The carer then admitted to me that at 7.30am today the night staff going off duty had given my father his medication. Then she admitted that she came on duty at 8am and she also gave my father a duplication of the drugs. Isnt that weird I should ask for a copy. She started to cry saying how sorry she was. The doctor had been informed and he told them not to give anymore today.How careless is that. had I not gone I wouldn’t have been told.

    Went to his room and he was back to his normal obnoxious way.Complaining difficult awkward…usual.I tried to cheer him up told him to put the TV on.No way.Tried to make conversation,no way.The usual questions. Waste of time.He has a nasty way with me..nothing new. He can stay one more week as it is respite only then he goes home or another CH.SW has not come up with a Home Package so there you go. I told him it was all his own doing and he has cried wolf too often it has turned on him. THEN get this Kate you will LOL.He said the doctor came to his house on his birthday last August,I was there. Doctor said he was OK. My father said today ,the doctor was rubbish with his diagnosis because he is better qualified and his own diagnosis was right.I said but he is the doctor who knows what is wrong. NO HE DOES NOT HE IS WRONG I KNOW BETTER THAN HIM.Then said something very racist against his doctor.
    Then he said not to visit again I am a trouble maker. All his life anyone who has a voice is a trouble maker if they disagree with him.So I left. Not upset.
    What he would like is for me to finish work,then after 2 weeks say he doesnt need me anymore.I told him he is a control freak and always has been. He has no one to control now. All he has are his memories of all the disgusting things he has done to us,and they are plentiful.As I left he said he wishes he was dead.

    So once more I feel rubbish again but not as bad as before.

    The D told me the Specilists Cs and Ss have agreed aboout her going to the Far East for extra help with her cancer.It is holistic therapy using leaves and massages. Never has she said until today she has cancer,yet I am positive she told me it was benign.Of course I do not believe her just let her carry on. The out come as predicted Kate was she will come home cured..a miracle.Her own words.Oh yes and then she will have an op to remove the fossil…. her diagnosis. Naturally I asked for the address of where she will be. It would be thoughtless of me not to. Did I hear her say it was under a bright shining star over a stable. Not sure I might be dreaming.

    As for fossils and The Natural History Museum if they met our Ds they might want them as a pair.Oh yes when I questioned why she hadnt mentioned the lump of lumps especially as she tells me everything it was so I wouldn’t worry.In work tomorrow.

    Take care. Lottie


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  • #181789

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    There is no way not to be upset when dealing with upsetting people. And when one of those people is an aging parent, it’s doubly difficult. But you handled the situation in the best possible way. I’m glad you weren’t as upset as last time. He is saying things to make you feel bad when you stand up to him, but I know you’re aware of that.

    That was quite a mix-up about the medication. It is good that you were told. Dealing with the doctors, nurses and other caregivers during this time is so stressful, too. I really feel for you, Lottie.

    If only The Natural History Museum would take our Ds as a pair. They should be on display somewhere!

    Well, do you think she will visit the holy man for some massages, now that all of her world-renowned physicians have said she should?

    I think it’s awful of people to exaggerate their illnesses in order to get attention, when those who have real issues would give anything NOT to have them. But the Ds will do anything to get attention.

    When the D said she hadn’t told you about the dire nature of the lump of lumps because she didn’t want to worry you, you could have said, “Why, you’re just a Christian martyr!” Of course, you will have ample opportunity to use that phrase in the future.

    I am somewhat surprised that the M.D. hasn’t been bugging me about coming in. A friend says this is her new tactic: That she is giving me a chance to ask her. That will NOT happen. I keep thinking that she has given up, but my friend says that’s not the case; and he’s been right about her so far.

    Hoep you’re work goes well!
    ]]


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  • #181793

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi all!! I like the progress we all have! Im finishing a million things to be able to go on my trip Sunday to the Vegan Farm as a friend calls it!!! I have not heard from my drains and that is good!!! Sadly our cats are fighting every day all day so we are rehoming one of them. We tried everything and nothing helped. They are great cats, just not with each other. Tuesday my H will bring him to the new home. 15 more years of that fighting and sometimes even spraying by the neutered male is too much to take.

    H is better because he is walking every day, sleeping better, everything. Hes on Prosac, Trazadone, and Ativan for anxiety attacks but has not had to take that since he is not as afraid of the several anxiety attacks he gets each day and toughs them out now. Fewer of those attacks too. Maybe i can re home him too!! Haha!

    This will be fun at the Vegan Farm. No dysfunctional roommates and have my own private room!

    Am hoping all your tests come oit normal Jacqueline! Great Lottie how you are handling your fathers isdues! Kate are you finised with the estate/ atty issues?


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  • #181802

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Julie,

    That’s too bad about the kitty, but it’s good that you found a good home for him.

    I’m glad that your hubby is doing better. They say that if you’re feeling depressed, moving is a great tonic, so I’m sure the walking is beneficial.

    Thanks for asking about the estate. It will supposedly be settled in June. How long did it take to settle your dad’s estate? I feel that this is taking too long.

    Hope you have a wonderful time at the “Vegan Farm.”


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  • #181810

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Kate, my Dads estate took about a month, maybe 6 weeks. It only took the attorney a couple weeks to do the probate. He had one piece of property. . What is taking so long for you? If I were you, id ask for a daily or weekly progress report.


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  • #181812

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi there Comfies,

    Bubbly Julie,
    Very pleased to hear your husband is getting about. Exercise is beneficial for the mind/body when you are depressed. The more you encourage him to move the better he will feel. Has he company when you are away? I could nip over if you like! The Vegan farm sounds great enjoy every minute.Sorry about the puss but he will settle perhaps with someone who doesn’t have cats.

    Kate I quite agree with Bubbly about your fathers estate. Maybe it is time again for a rip rap up his back side. He certainly seems to be dragging his feet. The longer he takes the more money he will want.I would most certainly would go to another lawyer to send him a strong letter.He is taking the “michael” oou of you,in my opinion.

    Sorry have to go be back later. Lottie


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  • #181819

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello,

    I tried posting earlier, but had computer problems. And now I’m having them again. At any rate, just wanted to thank Julie and Lottie for their advice regarding the estate. Laws vary from country to country and from state to state regarding settling. I just spoke to the lawyer who’s overseeing everything, including my father’s executor, and he said if I settled before a year, I would have to have a probate hearing to do so, which would be expensive. He said it would be more economical for me to just let the year roll by. After the executor files the necessary papers, it will take this other lawyer two to three weeks to complete everything, so we are looking at July.

    I am glad that I checked with this guy, because now I know my father’s executor isn’t pulling a fast one. If your suggestion hadn’t prompted me, I wouldn’t have called him today, so thanks for that!

    On another note, had a bit of a problem yesterday with the Minor Drain. Some guy ran into her on the street, and she thinks it was intentional. I offered her support and sympathy, of course, and also told her to tell campus security. (She works at a university.) She did talk with security, and then phoned me back. She told me that once, years ago, a man grabbed her breast on the street, so she said she was starting to wonder whether there was something about her which elicited such incidents. I reassured her about that, saying that, unfortunately, almost every woman had been subjected to something like this. And I told her that once some guy had tried to grab the Major Drain’s breast. Well, the Minor Drain was so angry that I mentioned this that she practically hung the phone up on me!

    Then she sent a long e-mail, saying that I should have only talked about HER, that I shouldn’t tell her about other people’s experiences. I reminded her that during the conversation, she’d mentioned that some woman had been sexually molested on the campus the previous week (this had been an actual attack, involving three men, and it was late at night); I said that our minds naturally make associations. And I said that I’d only told her about the Major’s incident to illustrate that no, there was nothing about the Minor which elicited incidents. Then she asked why I was being defensive. This is something she always says if I ever disagree with anything she says.

    I know she was upset, and I assure you that I listened, offered sympathy, told her to go to campus security, then listened to the account of that, offered more sympathy, told her to take Tylenol in case she became sore from having been run into. I really don’t think I deserved her anger! Frankly, if you know someone who’s willing to give you their time and sympathy, I don’t think you should be nitpicky about every little thing they say. I did not compare the Major’s incident to hers, I didn’t elaborate about it; I merely used it as an illustration that these things do happen to women. They are horrible, but there is nothing about us which causes them: They happen to all women at some time, from kids to grannies.

    We talked later, and she didn’t mention any of this. I have asked her how she is today, and she’s fine. I just needed to vent about this! Ovey!


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  • #181823

    lottie
    Participant

    My word Kate,

    So glad you stood your ground with her.She was trying to use you as whipping boy and messed with the wrong one today. In future she will think before she attacks you with her tongue.
    Loved the “minds naturally make associations” which had she been listening would have realised you were being helpful giving your time.She was out of order and was seriously rude to you.When asking for help or a friendly ear the last thing to do is attack the person. Conversation with humans is two way + or she might as well spoken to her doormat if she didnt want help and advice.Nothing more comforting than sharing a problem with a friend who is warm and helpful. She should thank her lucky stars you are there for her..What a friend you are Kate. Wish you were here in person~~~~~ Lottie


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  • #181824

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie!

    Thanks so much for your support! I wish I were there, too!

    I’ll tell you, the last thing I needed yesterday was the Minor acting that way. She is always on the look out for slights. Although I am considerably far from perfect, I invariably make every effort to be kind, so I know I did not deserve to be treated that way. And although she said nothing else about it, she is being somewhat aloof today, as if I deserve a bit of the silent treatment.

    As you understand from personal experience, I am worn out from the past few years, and I just don’t have the energy for these demanding people anymore. Yesterday, I started to feel that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if I never heard from the Minor again. I have really liked her, but there have been too many of these instances, where I’ve done virtually nothing and yet have been treated as if I have done something, well, major–speaking of minor and major! I am hurt by her, and am tired of feeling that way.


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  • #181825

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi Kate,

    You are doing great. No need to explain to us,we ALL know you are the kindest person ever. She takes offence and is sulking giving the silent treatment. Bullying it is called.

    Now Kate let her sulk,and when she decides to grow up DO NOT be available. That means ignore the phone,texts, emails or however she contacts you.You need to reverse the treatment.So if she asks in time what is wrong,tell her you will speak when she uses her manners.Then say you were offering a helpful ear and do not expect to be lashed with her prickly tongue and temper tantrums(sounds like my father) If she cannot offer an apology without you demanding one then take many steps back from her.
    If a horse had bad manners you would nip it in the bud.And likewise with you dog. Also under no cirumstances mention the silent treatment she dishes out,because she will deny and question it saying it is your mind. Then she has ammunition to continue,knowing she has hurt you.Do not tell her you are hurt,just tell us.

    We think you are great and now is time to give her the jolt she needs.It is a perfect opportunity to sort her out,or leave her out. Take it easy. Lottie


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  • #181828

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie!

    Thank you for YOUR kind words. I do try to be kind, but of course I say and do things which are less than perfect. When that happens, I like to think that my friends will cut me some slack!

    Thanks for your advice about not mentioning the silent treatment.

    Yes, this woman is like your father, in that we have tried to treat them well, and they lash out at us when we do so. Yesterday, I was having a reasonably good day, until I took her phone call.

    With some people, you’re just going to get it if you’re in their line of fire. This is true of our fathers and of the Drains. I have wondered before whether I should continue with the Minor. And there has been enough bad behavior that I don’t feel as close to her as I once did.

    As I age, more and more decisions seem to be made for me: I just don’t have the energy for this drama anymore!

    I hope you have a good weekend, Lottie! Thanks, as always, for your support. In addition, you’ve given all of us some good laughs this week: Lump of lumps and fossilized ear bugs!


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  • #181835

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    As Lottie so eloquently stated, Kate, you ARE one of the nicest people on here…your Minor D will always find something to criticize you for. You did nothing wrong.

    She’s an idiot. End of story.


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  • #181840

    lottie
    Participant

    Morning all,

    Kate,

    No need to drop her completely,just sort out some respect from her. She dishes out probably from working at college and thinks she is mother superior.Well she isnt and never will be. If the position came available YOU would get the job. Mean mouthed people need back chat to put THEM back down. Remember Kate you go back a long with with her and at times you like her. So just a jolt of strong back chatting to put her in her place usually does the trick. OR if it happens again or with anyone else say…
    EXCUSE ME WHAT DID YOU SAY can also work wonders. If they dare repeat say I thought that is what you said.Then end the call or be ready with an answer …. oh the dog needs to go outside.Cut it short ,end the chat.

    Try not be “dial a chat” be busy talking to the post man or say your husband needs some help. Cut her short. Actually always be busy it will rat her up.

    I rang my father earlier and very very pleasant and thanked me my call.

    Take care speak later. Lottie


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  • #181841

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Yes, lower the friendship with the minor drain down to a Tier 3 or 4 friend. Let her then work her way up to a higher tier!!! So sorry it takes a year to settle an estate, wow!

    I am having trouble with this one overweight friend who moved an hour away that is very close with her sister. I texted her about bringing my H to urgency care. She got all flowery and acted supportive and told me she is always there for me.

    Then
    Later i find out she has been having a wild affair with a man who has been separated from his wife. ( this friend of mine has been married 4 times and wanted to marry this man ) No wonder i did not hear a peep outta her for months!!!! But she stated that they were ending things now…. Well she wanted to go to lunch halfway between her house and mine. Then the day before she sends this huge elaborate text saying why she cannot make it to the lunch. On and on she states she is remodeling her whole house, has to look over the work, etc. it is like 2000 words!!!! A huge long text! I say no problem, i have to wrap things up for my trip!

    Here is the issue:,

    If we were friends why did she ignore me for months but not tell me it was due to this man? She told me nothing.
    If we were friends, why the excuses not to go to lunch?
    I feel she offers not much as a friend and does not prefer ne as a friend either. If so, why contact me and pretend she is like a best friiend to me?

    Im confused and wonder if she is just trying to keep me as a distant friend/ acquaintence instead of a real friend. That would be the type of friendship that causes me confusion and stress. When someone says you are their best friend but their actions say you are barely on their radar. It hurts me to try and understand this.

    I already told her i felt i was bothering her by calling her but she just said, i hope i did not make you to feel that way.


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  • #181842

    justbella
    Participant

    Good morning Comfies!

    Julie, I would find this friend’s behavior difficult, also. I do believe that she means what she says when she says it, but I think she sounds like a selfish person. She was so embroiled in this affair that she didn’t want to share about it, and it didn’t occur to her that if she told you that would explain why you’d seen less of her. And if she were thinking about you, she would set aside the time to meet for lunch, because she knew you’d been through an upsetting time regarding your husband. So my feeling is that even though she does care about you, that she is limited. She says the right thing, but her actions don’t follow through. I don’t know whether I would make any more plans with her; if she called me and again suggested lunch, I might agree, but even so I would wonder whether she would follow through. So I’d give her one more chance.

    When she called to cancel, did she suggest rescheduling? (After your Health Resort trip, of course.)

    I appreciate the Comfie support about the Minor. Yes, Jacqueline, I think she will always criticize; and predictably, if I ever so much as say one word which is less than praise to her, she becomes incensed. (By this, I mean if she behaves badly, and I protest, no matter how mildly.) As the saying goes, “She can really dish it out, but she can’t take it.” Lottie, another good friend used to advise saying to such people, “Excuse me, what did you say?” This does force people to own their words. I always forget to say this, but since you have also urged me to use this phrase, maybe I will finally do so! Julie, yes, I think she should be dropped back a tier.

    I hope you all have a great weekend! Jacqueline, hope you will either see Lou or Skype this weekend. And have some licorice, to treat yourself after the marathon! Lottie, it’s good that your father was pleasant; I hope you can relax this weekend. And, Julie, your health retreat starts tomorrow. Have a wonderful time!


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  • #181843

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi Girls!

    I just love Julie and Lottie’s ideas about downgrading the Drain and their ideas for how to get out of talking to her for too long. I wish I had thought of it!!!!!!!

    Kate, I am glad you took their advice again and checked on your father’s estate. I am not qualified in this area. I, too, breathed a sigh of relief that a year is normal procedure, the way you are doing it. Phew! At least you are not getting….well, you know….screwed by them.

    Julie, that friend of yours knew what she was doing was wrong and that could be one of the reasons she avoided you. Also, many people, once they meet a man or a woman and start a relationship, downgrade their “best friends” and spend all their time just with each other. Usually, once the excitemement dies down, they come back to us. I like the idea of just waiting for her to get in touch with you.

    I wish us all a great weekend. Yes, Kate, I WILL be having my licorice. It was supposed to be really warm today, with light rain. So, I thought I might go up north to the Flea Market and then have my Burger Party. Instead, it is damp and humid, and not raining! I have done a couple of walks and am now preparing to have my lunch of bagel, cream cheese, lox, AND licorice, while I watch a movie!

    I invited my son to come over for supper this weekend, but it was no good for them. However, they said YES to next Sunday! I then asked if he would mind if I invited his father and his wife as well, since they have not seen the baby for awhile either. It will be very cozy if they all come over. I live in a bachelor apartment, although it is huge, I only have a love seat as a sofa..lol..

    Have a great weekend everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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  • #181869

    justbella
    Participant

    Good morning,

    I hope everyone had a good weekend.

    It’s great that you will have everyone over next weekend, Jacqueline! It’s nice that it’s cozy.

    I’ve been reflecting on how helpful the Comfies have been over the last year. Although I have made changes at a glacial pace–that’s just me–my tolerance for being treated badly is indeed at a longtime low. I want to thank you all!


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  • #181870

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    I second that, Kate..hoping everyone had a great weekend!

    We all move along at our own pace….that is what makes us all different and so special! xox


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  • #181874

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    Well, I appreciate your accepting that I move slowly, because I just had another flashback; this time as I was unloading the dishwasher. Over thirty years ago, my mother bought a pretty set of tumblers for us during one of her rare visits. Only one remains. It is my husband’s favorite beverage glass, and I treasure it because it came from my mother. Perhaps because she was such a difficult woman, I like to remember the times when she was warm. At any rate, the M.D. started using this glass when she would visit. Because she is very careless (I’ve described the things she broke in my house, never replacing them and generally not even apologizing for breaking them), I would feel nervous when she used the glass. (She always bangs her glass or mug down on the side table, and she drops things a lot.) Finally, I asked her not to use it, explaining why the glass was special, and saying that was of course welcome to use any of the other glasses.

    Well, the next time she was in, what do you think she did? Yup: She used that glass. (The glass has a pattern of raised blue irises on it; all of my other everyday drinking glasses are plain, so it’s not as though she didn’t know which one she was using.) Again, I explained it to her. The next time she visited, she did the same thing. Finally, I started hiding the glass before she visited.

    I actually have some cool painted glasses, from the 60s, but I put those away in a cabinet, out of easy reach,because I knew it would make me too nervous to have her use those. So I would put the iris glass in with them, and put it back with the other everyday glasses when she left. She is just so careless, and “careless” is the operative word here, because she couldn’t “care less” about other people’s things, not to mention their feelings.

    She is so insensitive. And to make matters worse, she always talks about how caring she is… I was as nice to her as anyone could possibly have been, but nothing worked. All of my efforts to get her to change were wasted.

    I am so glad that I have been able to withdraw from her as much as I have. Some contact will be necessary, as I’ve explained, but I am basically free from contact, certainly in comparison to what it was. And I think the memories will recede over time. But it’s really unfortunate that I let her into my life, and allowed her to visit in my home so often. As I type this, I can see my grandmother’s tea cart; the Major knocked a handle off of this, when she dropped her huge pocketbook onto the floor beside it during an anger episode. The pocketbook hit the handle. That was on the day she visited to celebrate my birthday, and was like a mad bull.


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  • #181879

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Comfies,

    Another weekend gone and yes we are all doing well. Kate my hubby asked if the Fluffy Boots Ladies still keep in touch.Of course my dear.

    I think you are doing a good job of keeping the Ds under control. Believe me they will eventually know that you are not to be messed with.Of course on an odd occasion they might try it on,just remember to use an excuse to get off the phone.Or even say before they get chance to talk….oh I can only chat for a few minutes I am in a rush! If they are offended ..tough. You will gain respect for yourself and from them eventually.

    Coming home from work I heard a song on the radio. It made me cry and always does. It is “in the living years” by Mike and the Mechanics. It is old but tears spurt out of my eyes everytime. It is about a father who dies and so much that should have been said before.It made me stop my car and ring my father who was very pleasant and again thanked me for ringing. Listen to it on You Tube when you have a moment, let me know what you think.

    Take care Kate Bubbly Julie and Jacqueline. Lottie


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  • #181880

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    I am also moved every time I hear that song. I’m glad your father responded well when you phoned him. It was natural that the song would prompt you to call.

    I still miss my father, despite how difficult he was.


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  • #181901

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi Kate…when you were talking about that beautiful cup, I actually said out loud, “Hide it from her, Kate! Don’t let her break that last one!” We always re-live certain periods of time, where we think that we “should have” done it this way….but Kate, your goodness and thoughtfulness made brought you to where you are now. You are doing fine! The Comfies are all in a better place today. Our compassion blinded us to the point we believed that everyone else is just like us!

    Hey, Lottie. I know that song very very well. The words are so true and so beautiful. Most of us believe we are immortal and do not want to face that we are not here forever. So much time is wasted, time we can never get back. I am glad your father was nice to you again.


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  • #181903

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    Yes, I think you are right: We all assumed that others were operating out of the same basic values of civility, at the very least! Now we know better. I am much more cautious than I was before. It is not that I am completely closed off to form new relationships, but now I am more interested in spending time with those I love.


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  • #181930

    justbella
    Participant

    Sending special greetings to Julie!

    Julie, the weirdest thing just happened! I was wondering how you were doing at the resort. Then I just happened to look at a post in the “rants and raves” forum, and in reading the replies, saw that you had addressed a post to me! Someone replied that you had posted it on the wrong thread. I don’t read that many posts here, so what is the likelihood that I would just happen to read the one on which you had mistakenly posted?! I am replying on the “Comfies” thread, hoping that you will see it!

    At any rate, I think your husband has a valid point about why you don’t meet smart people: It is because you are no longer in college, and because you are working on your own. Therefore, you would just have to hope that you meet intelligent people in your dining groups, etc. That is possible, but less likely than if you were in the sort of group which would be more likely to attract intelligent people, such as a book group, for example.

    I know you would attract smart people if you were to meet them, because you are so intelligent. Jacqueline, Lottie and I are intelligent, and we love you, so that is some proof! Now, you just have to meet some smart people outside of cyberspace! If you have the time, consider joining a book club, or taking a course, with the purpose of meeting more interesting people, people who are more like you!

    Hope you’ve had a good time at the health resort!


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  • #181940

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi all! Still at the health resort. That is funny about my post Kate…! I had wondered where it went. Thanks for your wisdom regarding friends. Here, there are all kinds of people, most smart and successful. They live in American cities and other parts of the world too! Our WIFI is so weak it takes me a while to be able to post.

    I met a woman my age with colon cancer. She got surgery 1.5 years ago but refused Chemotherapy that her doctor reccomended. A lot of ” natural only” people here tell her this place can heal her but i feel chemo is better or at least should be used also. I hope i can convince her of this. I am going to show her literature about how chemo works and how it eradicates many cancers. I had breast cancer and chemo and radiation in 2005 and im fine now.

    Met a lot of landlords, one had 10 times the amount of property that I do. She talked with me and gave me her wisdom, it really helped me.

    I am eating healthy, walking, going to classes on cooking, dehydrating foods, etc. Three massages a week is so great too! We made Kale chips and onion rings and 5 other things and they are being dehydrated now. It takes one or two days to finish drying different vegetables. We also made gealthy sauerkraut and salsa and dips with all vegetables and spices. I have the recipes to take home.

    My husband brought our little cat to the adoption team Tuesday. They loved him and will find him a good home. Our other cat( he told me ) is really happy and calm not having to fight all the time with him. We will miss him but he and our other remaining cat …and us….will be better off. I had wriiten a one page list of all the tricks he can do, what he likes and dislikes, how to talk to him,metc. That way the new owner will be able to warm him up sooner. For example, you motion or call him up and he will jump up on bed or stand. You call his name and he comes. You toss his toy and he retrieves it bringing it back to you. Too bad the other cat hated him and he was so distressed by her rejection he started sprayiing.


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  • #181941

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Juilie!

    Sounds like you are having a good time, and that you HAVE met some smart people there!

    That is sad about the kitty, but you did the right thing. I had two kitties here at one point, and it was very tense; they never liked each other. However, they were both females, so I didn’t have the spraying problem. At any rate, that kitty you had to give away sounds as if he will make a great pet for someone, and I bet he’ll get a good home.

    This morning, I saw that Riki (sp.) Lake was married to a Bipolar man. And the host on the morning show I was looking at said that Bipolar is often described as “the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” condition. You may recall that the MD described herself as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I am convinced for that reason–and that fact that a number of psychiatrists had diagnosed her as Bipolar–that she KNEW she was Bipolar; she just didn’t want to take the meds. She didn’t give a damn about the effect of her behavior on others. I know you really went through it with your mentally ill sister. You feel compassion, but you can’t let yourself be destroyed in the process.

    At any rate, good to hear from you and so glad you’re having a good time. So nice not to deal with that horrible friend this time! Enjoy the remainder of your stay!


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  • #181948

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi Comfies or Fluffy Boots as my hubby says!

    Julie it sounds amazing where you are,what is it called and where is it I am on my way!! Interesting,how do you make kale chips,I thought kale was a leaf.Or are they kale crisps? Maybe we name things differently over here.
    Hey Kate I work with two seriously intelligent people but they are as thick as planks with day to day living.All they focus on is ££££s.As for common sense they just don’t get it.They live on planet plonk!!ha ha.
    I am glad you and Jacqueline have heard the song I was talking about…”living years”.It is very touching,along with REMs song “everybody hurts”
    Is it this weekend Jacquelines family are going over,I hope so.Lets pray all is well for her.
    Kate regarding our fathers I doubt I will ever get the better of mine. Yesterday his Social Worker spoke to me strongly advising me not to go into his house to get some of his clothing.I cant I haven’t got a key.He said he will accuse me of stealing from his house.Also added that they (SW) know what type of person he is.They,like the male nurse at the hospital know what a nasty piece of work he is.So he is well known.I rang my father to say I have spoken with the SW regarding when he can go home. Then he blew a fuse shouting down the phone that I am causing him an anxiety attack and a trouble maker. I told him to calm down and he then said I am off my head and need treatment for a brain disorder and need to be locked up for being a trouble maker. Honestly comfies I rang him with good news about the package they are getting together for him regarding his home arrangements.He hasnt got Dementia.
    What hurts is that I have not got a brain disorder and if I had it was caused by the treatment I have had from him and my mother all my life.The way he shouted , any carers ++ listening would be wondering what the heck I had said to him to cause him so much grieve. Now I know for sure he would like me gone.My mind is totally fixed on what he said,it has made me feel quiet and worried. My hubby if he knew would be very angry.At least the SWs know him very well. Thank goodness. Take care all. Jacqueline will be thinking of you over the weekend. Kate and Bubbly Julie you are also in my thoughts.We have one another. Lottie


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  • #181949

    justbella
    Participant

    Lottie,

    I know your father is ancient, but I am so angry about the way he’s spoken to you that I want to tell him off! It is so horrible to be insulted when you are trying to help someone. As you know, I was treated the same way. While I handled all of my father’s tangled business affairs and constantly took calls from everyone who had to deal with him, he was insulting me, and telling me that he didn’t want me ‘bothering” people there. Meanwhile, THEY were calling me to complain about him.

    It is hard enough to deal with an aging parent when you’re a middle-aged child, dealing with your own concerns and problems, but then when they abuse you, it is unbearable. Like you, I was treated horribly by my parents from childhood. And yet both of us have been dutiful daughters well into adulthood. Our only reward is knowing that we did the right thing.

    I was going to tell you to take heart that this won’t last forever, but I don’t even feel that I can say that much from personal experience, since I am still dealing with the horrible way that my father left things! However, I am not dealing with him, and, unbelievably enough, I do miss him. Still, that doesn’t mean that I wish for a minute back of the hell he put me through!

    And, yes, on top of everything else, you do wonder what the caretakers are thinking as you are being abused by the elderly parent: Do they think you are as your parent is portraying you, or do they know what a cankerous impossible person is heaping abuse upon his dutiful daughter? I often wondered that, and still do in regard to people who knew my father. At least the SWs know your father.

    Hang in there, and as you say, we have each other! Yay, Fluffy Booties! Speaking of which, I hope Jacqueline is doing well. Maybe she’s just been busy. And it has only been a couple of days since we heard from her.


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  • #181969

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi Kate
    Thank you for your encouraging words. You know that feeling we get from Ds, that is how I feel with my father,totally drained. Like you say I was wondering what the heck the carers were thinking the way he shouted and made it sound like I was being abusive towards him,but I wasn’t. You should see how he behaves when they pop in to see him…Mr Charming. Yet he rubbishes them when they are talking and laughing in the corridors. They must hear him. Oh yes Kate and the last words on the phone to me were….I am not interested in anybody only myself. Says it all. He hasn’t changed.

    How are your animals doing. Your foal(yearling )must be coming along quite nicely must be quite big now. Will you put your mare in foal this time? Has the mother of your late friend been on the scene lately. The last I remember she wanted you to have her horses.
    Wish I could go to that place Julie is at sounds great,I feel so tired.
    Oh and I couldn’t log in yesterday it kept showing ERROR. I will get off now Kate. Hope you and yours are all well. Lottie


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  • #181972

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hi Girls!

    I have been trying to post all day!! I got the error message Lottie was talking about, as the server was down. Poor Irene!

    Lottie and Kate, I wish the three of us could join Julie at that health spa. We would have a blast. We are truly sisters, as well as Comfies.

    Kate, I heard about Ricki Lake’s ex-husband. I believe it was suicide. So sad….

    Lottie, I feel so bad for what you are going through. It sucks that as good and as kind as you are, your father is just not capable of being stable, so you never know what to expect from him.

    My carotid ultrasound was postponed till next Thursday, as for some reason, the technician could not be there. I was disappointed, but what can I do? Work tomorrow.

    My little grand daughter will be visiting me on Sunday. My son asked if it could be for lunch instead of supper. Of course! I am so excited to welcome them in my little bachelor pad!!!!!!

    Work tomorrow.

    Hugs and Kisses to you, Kate, Lottie, and Julie.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by  Jacqueline.

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    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by  Jacqueline.
  • #181977

    justbella
    Participant

    Good morning Comfies,

    I think Drains are invariably narcissistic, like our fathers, Lottie. It really angered me to think about your father being Mr. Charming to others, while being himself with you. Both of my parents were this way. More and more, I feel that I can’t retire in his hometown, because I can’t spend the rest of my life hearing about how wonderful my father was.

    I can believe you are exhausted. Having to worry about someone’s well- being while they are abusing you is NOT a good combination.

    Thank you for asking about the equines. The colt is still more foal-like than yearling. I have planned to breed the mare this spring, but I am so worn out–speaking of being tired–that I am having second thoughts. That and the fact that I had planned to move the horses to my father’s place when we retired there, but since I don’t know if I’ll be moving there…

    Yes, my friend’s mother has been around quite a bit. She’s had yet another falling out with her other daughter and son-in-law, so has been asking me to do so much. I have had to help with taxes, a part-time job application, other financial forms, etc. And now she wants me to find a “worthy” animal rescue organization because she wants to include one in her will. On top of everything else, she can’t use a computer, so wants me to search on-line for that and so much else. She’s a smart woman and at 74 is certainly young enough to learn. Comfies, I am having a hard time saying no here. Any advice about how to handle this?

    Jacqueline, what fun to have Lou and Co. to your place! I remembered the visit would be this weekend, but didn’t know which day. You must be so excited!

    What a pain about having the ultrasound rescheduled. I know you will be glad when all of these tests are over. Is it the middle of this month when you meet with the neurologist?

    And Julie, I know you’re coming home today, no doubt refreshed and energized from the resort. It would be great if all of us could go there together!

    I hope you all have a relaxing weekend! I’m going to read today, and then wander out for dim sum tomorrow.


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  • #181985

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Comfies,

    Thank you Jacqueline for your kind words.
    Having baby Lou and co over at yours tomorrow lunchtime sounds good. Maybe better than the evening. It will give the parents time to settle down at home,hopefully helping Lou get to sleep. WHAT do I know about babies LOL even though I was married to one!!!

    Julies spa hhmm am I getting suspicious,are we sure she is not the owner tantalizing us to want to go there.She has her hand into many things hhmmmm. Check her out Jacqueline on Facebook!If so it is very hard sell even though I am falling for it.Money makes money so they say.

    Who is Ricki Lake??

    As for my father so many old people would be soooo happy to have some interest shown them. Don’t mean to blow my own trumpet,but I am constantly rejected.He really does think he is good as in popular.He wants me to be as bad as he tells people. One of these days. If I go before him my hubby has said he will not be allowed to my funeral,my wishes.

    Enjoy your Sunday with the family,you deserve.

    Kate I quite understand how you do not want to retire to your fathers home,the memories would be awful like nighmares 24/7.

    Give yourself a break with your foaling Kate and enjoy your colt. Dont mean to be bossy boots. You have had lots to keep you busy this last year.

    Didn’t think the friends mother would be too far off the scene. One NEW charity could be “Kates”. You have done more good deeds for people than I could count. You are used like a PA as if you have spare time for everything. As they say “ask a busy person and they find time”.Yes she is smart/bone idle asking you to do all the work.But just the sort of person who wants all to know what she is doing for charity,making sure she tells people first.She is the person who wanted you to have the horses ages ago. Thinking you are soft.Well you no longer running a charity only “Kates” for Kate.

    Next time she asks yet another favour you could say “oh I will have to check my diary first. If it is face to face pull one of those faces that SAYS oh I am not too sure, leave it with me for a while I have so much on….sorry.Then forget to get back in touch.Has she ever bought you a bottle of wine or bunch of flowers for the help you give…NO, so she needs to be reminded that YOUR time is valuable. Cheeky article.Be as hard faced as she is. If she reminds you…. you have been sooooo bussssyyyy. Plus how many more people does she ask favours of.
    Drain treatment is now required.Yes Kate she is very smart,why bother herself when you will do her work for free. I am not saying don’t do anything for nothing,just dont get used. I can feel her hovering in the air,take a step back and think. Imagine Jacqueline and me on your shoulders with red hot forks poking you everytime you try to say YES.

    Enjoy your weekend Comfies and Fluffy Boots. Lottie


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  • #181994

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Great advice to Kate, Lottie. I was getting p***ed off reading how your late friend’s mother asks you to do so much. She has another daughter! How do you find the time to do all this, girl??? You have your own life and your own issues to deal with. I like the idea of me and Lottie poking you with red hot forks!

    Lottie, Ricki Lake was a well-known talk-show host back in the day. She was very heavy and lost alot of weight. She is not in the news very much these days.

    I hope Julie will post to let us know she arrived home safely. We are all so happy you enjoyed yourself, Dear Friend. The week flew by!

    I see the neurologist on March 21, Kate.

    I have made Tuesday into a “Me” day…manicure in a.m. and hair in the afternoon. I feel like I need a vacation.


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  • #182002

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Comfies,

    I am smiling, thinking of Lou’s first visit to Jacqueline’s “bachelor pad.” Hope you have a splendiferous day, Jacqueline!

    And your “Me” day sounds like a great idea!

    Thanks for letting us know the date of your neurologist appointment.

    Lottie, your father really doesn’t deserve you. After the way you were treated, it is miraculous that you are still there for him. It is really telling that you have an arrangement in place with your husband that your father wouldn’t be allowed to attend your funeral, in the unlikely event that you predeceased him. When I was younger, I used to wonder whether I could prevent my mother from visiting me in the hospital were I dying. I wondered whether my doctors would listen to my wishes. I really used to worry about this! How sad these situations are.

    Thank you both for your advice about my friend’s mother. I have felt burdened. She really shouldn’t expect me to do things which she can do for herself. And, in fact, I think one reason she fell out with her daughter was that she was expecting too much from her.

    I was going out for dim sum today, but it’s just too cold and I’m having some physical issues today, so will stay in and read. A friend is visiting later in the day, so that will be fun. Hope you all have a good day! Can’t wait to hear about Lou’s visit!


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  • #182003

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Ohmygosh, Kate, reading your post this morning makes ME smile! I will have so much food….I wish you could all come over as well! I am serving as an appetizers, tomato with mozzarella cheese, bay leave, and oil, as well as italian sausage. Then a salad, warmed bread and a lasagna. Of course, chocolate chip cheese cake for dessert!

    Kate and Lottie, I have specified in my last will and testament that my brothers are not to be mentioned in my obituary and that my burial is to be strictly private. That is why it is called “my will”.

    I assume Julie is back now…hope you will let us know when you can.

    Have a wonderful day, everyone!!! xox


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  • #182004

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Comfies

    Well Jacqueline you must be full on now.How yummy chocolate chip cheese cake,my mouth is dribbling.
    I truely hope all goes well having baby Lou visit to your home and your kitties.
    Your heart must be skipping with pride,I hope so.
    Isn’t it funny how we all feel the same about our deaths/illness+. So many times I repeat myself saying do not let my father come to my funeral,and even more so now he says there is something wrong with my head.

    This morning I did telephone him on his mobile. He was complaining about the staff not doing this and that. Also threw a wobbler because they needed to move him to another room.Didn’t ask after us and when I mentioned we had three trees down in our wood afterthe storm his reply was ppphhhh you think you are IT because you have trees.How sad he is I almost feel sorry for him in a weird way.

    Your late friends mother is a conniving madam.She has a life time of practise using people. Her other daughter no doubt knows her well and probably keeps her at arms length. Time for you to do the same,and see how differently she is for you. Like I have always said….everybody is happy when they get their own way.Take care Kate.She sounds more sneaky than the Ds. Catch up later. Lottie


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  • #182005

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Dear Friends:

    The minute my son and family walked in, they handed me Baby Lou. She is so much more responsive and kept staring at the colourful shirt I wore just for her! My heart turned over and I fell in love!

    We had a fantastic time. The food was delicious. I just finished the leftover cheese cake..lol..


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    • #182015

      lottie
      Participant

      Hello Jacqueline,

      So very pleased all worked out well at your home.You deserve the best. How wonderful Jacqueline to hear you “fell in love”. Hope this is the start of many more Lou days.Take care. Lottie


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  • #182007

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello Comfies,

    Jacqueline, I am thrilled that you had such a good time! I loved the description of Lou’s fascination with your colorful shirt. And I think it is symbolic of what she will receive from you: Warmth. She is a very lucky girl! As are all who know you.

    And your menu sounded perfect! Especially that cheesecake…

    Lottie, don’t you know that whenever anyone mentions any sort of plant growth on their property it means they think they are IT. It is well known that if you say your grass needs cutting, or, if apartment dwellers say their philodendron’s needs watering that it is just a way of drawing attention to the fact that one owns flora! Seriously, your father’s comment reminds me of something my mother would have said. It is just this sort of constant “low level” abuse which is so hard to explain to some people who haven’t endured it. Sure, there are dramatic incidents, and those are worse, but it is this constant undercutting which some people don’t get. It wears you down, like water does rock.

    Julie, hope you’re feeling relaxed and energized!

    Now, I am going to write a second post. I didn’t want to put it in this one, because I wanted this one to be a response to the Comfies.


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  • #182008

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello,

    In case any of you read this post first, I want you to know that in my previous post I resounded to Jacqueline’s wonderful post about Lou’s visit, and to Lottie’s comments about her father (who, in some ways, reminds me of my mother). Didn’t want to include this in that post, because it actually felt as if what I have to say about the M.D. would sully it!

    At any rate, I experienced another D. attack last night. She called right at dinner time, and I decided to go ahead and talk to her, because my stomach had instantly clenched up, and I wouldn’t have been able to have eaten anyway. This attack was like the one she launched in Dec., where she ranted and raved nonstop. I kept asking to speak,and she wouldn’t allow me to do so. When she finally came up for air, I said that I would like to assume the remaining business expenses, but she wouldn’t allow it.

    She said that I thought she had “a disturbed personality” (even though I have never said this, I do think it, because it is the truth). And she said that I was the only one who incited her anger. Even though she’s had at least five people I can think of who have dropped her flat, even though she’s been hospitalized three times, even though store owners, cops and an insurance agent have had to call the cops. It is really hard for me not to remind her of all of this (if I ever had the chance to speak, that is.), but I see no point in engaging with her.

    The bottom line is that she’s enraged that I never see her anymore, but of course I never see her because she is enraged! As a friend has pointed out to me, even when I did see her on a regular basis and did allow her to visit regularly, she raged.

    As it was, I calmly denied everything she said. But hearing it all was very upsetting, to say the least.

    I have decided that when expenses come in, I will call and tell her how much she owes. But I will never again make more than one phone call–as I repeatedly had to do in the past. Instead, I will go ahead and pay for things, and if I have to absorb the cost, not having to deal with her will be worth it.

    I feel traumatized.


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  • #182014

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Kate,

    No Kate I haven’t heard it said before if one mentions their grounds they consider themselves IT. I have heard it said that some people consider others “stuck up” but my reply to that is it is better than being thought common.
    Never have I thought myself IT or better than others.Only now and just recently being on this site do I consider myself equal to others.If I appeared to be bragging then no that is also something I do not do.Thank you for all your help in the past. Lottie


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  • #182016

    justbella
    Participant

    Oh, Lottie!

    I was being entirely facetious! I was commenting on how ridiculous it was of your father to say that you thought you were IT because you had trees which went down! And that’s why I said that people were considered to be it if they said their grass needed cutting, or that apartment dwellers were considered to be bragging if they said their philodendron needed watering! Clearly there is no way you could imagine that someone would think you were IT, because they had plants, whether in a pot or on their property.All of that was meant to illustrate how ridiculous and abusive it was of your father to say that! I also said that his comment reminded me of something my mother would have said! Then I went on to say that it was this sort of constant low level abuse which wears you down.

    As you know, I love you dearly and not only consider you to be equal to others, but I think that you are very very special! We both have/had parents who were constantly undermining us.


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  • #182017

    lottie
    Participant

    Thank you Kate. So sorry to have misunderstood. You have aways been so kind with me.Just lately my friends seem to have treated me mean. Just recently my hubby and I have talked about so called friends who were really just hangers on,and how they have disappeared. Yet my hubby said today if we were to invite all of them here for a party they would all arrive. Also Kate I have staretd to answer people back in my personal life,people who actually think they are IT lol. They cant cope with me disagreeing.
    At work I am a different person and they know it,but with these “friends” and users it is as if they feel powerful with their put downs which of course they can’t do with my work.My hubby says it grieves them.If I take time off from work which he suggests it makes me dwell on things too much.Plus my father saying my head needs treatment is getting to me. Thanks Kate again,silly billy me.Lottie


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  • #182018

    lottie
    Participant

    Oh lordy Kate you also feel upset. The D seemed to be lying low I thought she had found someone else to use.
    When more expenses arrive why not send her a copy through email or registered post adding a note asking for her contribution so thats things can be finalized.
    Sending it registered post would really be having a go,something I would probably do!! Just for sheer pleasure of cours.
    May I say telephoning her is something I would give a miss to.If possible, if you must leave it a day or two, collecting your thoughts. Speaking will only be upsetting causing you more turmoil.
    An example of that happened here last night with my hubby. An employee of his sent a text message. My normally calm hubby blew a fuse and stormed out of the house playing merry hell.This that and the other and yap yap yap.Who was upset him plus upsetting me at the same time. He was ashamed of himself and sat the rest of the evening looking very sorrowful. It didnt solve anything.Had he calmed down and given it some thought and discussed first, a problem would have been solved. His reaction would be better used in a couple of weeks time,when he could go for the juggular,which is still possible.
    Kate never am I suggesting you would blow a fuse like my hubby but taking a back seat with the D and making contact by letter or email would more likely spare you any hurt. Take care Lottie


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  • #182019

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    Sorry that you and your husband have been under stress. I know what it’s like, believe me.

    Thanks for your advice about the D. and the phone. Ironically, one thing she was raging at me for last night is that I don’t always pick up the phone! Last night, I did call her back quickly, because I just wanted to get it over with. But lately, in general, I have let several days lapse before returning her calls, and she just can’t take it. By the way, she herself is not great at returning calls, but because I used to be, she expects me to still hop to it.

    I am so worn out from her that I can’t begin to tell you.


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  • #182020

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello again,

    Just wanted to mention one thing that the D. said to me. She said that my husband “dance attendance” on me and is a “yes man.” (I felt like saying, “Oh, from your mouth to God’s ear.” Ha!)

    Also, although I have a live and let live philosophy about people’s romantic relationships, and think it’s fine if someone chooses to be celibate, I don’t think it’s okay for someone who’s never had a single relationship to cast aspersions on mine.

    She said a lot of hateful stuff, as usual.


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  • #182021

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi Kate

    All the more reason to wait a few days when you have less to think about before returning her call.Be devious,she is the least of your worries.Why give her prime time? Eventually,easier said than done,she will get the message….you have moved on.
    As for taking a pop at your husband she is well out of order.A good enough reason not to speak to her at all,ever. She needs to zip her mouth about your private life.It has nothing to do with her. Funnily enough but not surprising my D has on occasion taken a pop of my hubby.As you can guess she gets short shrift from me when her mouth gets carried away. Go for her if it happens ever again. She would love a husband like yours. Take care. Work tomorrow. Lottie


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  • #182028

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Oh, Kate and Lottie…so sorry you are feeling so bad. Kate, since you said you are prepared to absorb all the remaining business costs, why don’t you just DO IT and not call the Witch? You know when she calls, she is going to upset you, so just do not answer. What does she ever say to make you feel good? N O T H I N G.

    And Dear, wonderful Lottie. Your father is a total lunatic and he is telling YOU to get your head examined! Take it from whence it cometh.
    Pu-leeze! You are so smart and business savy, don’t for one minute believe what he is telling you.


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  • #182042

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi there Comfies,

    Thank you Kate and Jacqueline for your support regarding my father. Just leaving him to it for the time being. Work is my priority.
    It is funny when my mind is fully occupied I feel so much better. It is something I have always said to others on this site,who get depressed. If you fill your mind with other thoughts it helps to lift depression.It is surprising how it works but it does. Sometimes it is hard to get motivated when you feel down.Just some fresh air or a walk listening to the birds chirping. Remember Jacqueline how in the summer you used to sit in the garden at you know where reading.Is your weather much better now.Oh I did reply to your Sunday IN LOVE day. You might not have seen. It is there if you scroll up.Is it this week for your hospital treatment?No doubt at the moment you are walking on air after Sunday.

    Kate how are you today, hoping much better? Wise words from Jacqueline.Although for me I would do what I suggested. Squaring up to a bully can be so exhilarating.The pleasure I get when back chatting a verbal thug.Pity I let my father off the hook every time.
    Only today I squared up to a solicitor who had messed us about.She said “who do you think you are speaking to”. My reply was “who do you think you are answering “. My boss was howling laughing saying YES YES YES.She spoke as if she was more important than me,so I told her she isn’t.LOL Then she asked if I was calling her a liar,so I said “yes”.Some solicitors hide behind the title, a law unto themselves.Today I feel so much better and could take on the world. My boss said she can see me working till I am 95yrs,please God no.Being busy is certainly a tonic for me.Sadly I do get tired so an early night is on the cards.My mind is still at work so will have to calm down first. We have had a glass of wine+.
    On a serious note you do seem to cope with D so much better than twelve months ago. Taking a back seat from her probably works better for you.Try Kate to answer D back she will not expect it.Believe me it would do you the world of good,putting her in her place. Take care Lottie.


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  • #182054

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Yes, Dear Lottie! I saw your beautiful post. And you are right, my carotid ultrasound is on Thursday afternoon.

    I laughed at the way you stood up to that solicitor. “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”. Keeping busy is good, but never forget about taking care of YOU, Lottie.


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  • #182067

    justbella
    Participant

    Hello,

    Thank you for your suggestions yesterday when I was having trouble posting. This morning, when I looked at the blog, everything was fine. I didn’t hit the refresh button, so it must have been a glitch, as you suggested yesterday, Jacqueline.

    I also laughed when I heard how Lottie stood up to the solicitor! And I agree that working can refocus your mind. When I was able to train horses and teach, I enjoyed being focused only on what I was doing.

    I have stood up to the D. a number of times, but she was on a nonstop rage the other day. I could not get a word in edgewise. What I should have done was to have said, “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. I’m getting off the phone.” I have resolved never to stay on the phone when she’s like that again.

    I would love to take over the expenses myself, but she refuses.


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  • #182074

    lottie
    Participant

    Hello Comfies

    Kate something else worth trying with D is put the phone down on a work surface and ignore it.So let her rant to herself. You can’t get a word in so leave her to it instead of trying to speak. When she has finished being a fool she will feel a bigger fool when she realises you are not there.ha ha.Treat her with the contempt she deserves.Lets treat her as a joke.Lottie


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  • #182081

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    How is your day going?

    Thanks for the suggestion! When she called me in December, she was ranting. At first, I put the phone at the other end of the couch, but I could still make out her voice, so I wrapped it up in a lap throw I had! After fifteen minutes, I unwrapped it and put it to my ear, and she was just winding down! In fact, she was saying, “I don’t know if you listened to this.” I didn’t reply to that.

    On Sun., the mistake I made was to listen. I didn’t get sucked into her anger-fest, but spoke, when I could get a in word edge-wise, in a calm and measured way. However, I think it’s best not to speak at all.

    Lottie, I think you will truly understand what I’m going to tell you next. I just remembered this yesterday morning. I had a beloved horse some years ago, and of course the M.D. was jealous. Not only that I had him, but because I enjoyed him and loved him. I don’t think she ever really enjoys anything, nor do I think she loves anyone. At any rate, one day she used the word “superannuated.” I knew what it meant, but sometimes I liked to flatter her by asking her things, since she was so insecure. Sure enough, she was delighted to tell me, and then decided to use the word in a sentence, to illustrate the meaning. Without missing a beat, she said, “Grenadier is superannuated.” Well, my beloved horse had just become too aged to show, and she got such pleasure out of saying that to me, more pleasure than she got in telling me the word definition. She was positively ecstatic that Grenadier wasn’t his athletic, younger self.

    She has always been jealous, because even though she has enough money to do whatever she would like, there is nothing she would like to do. And she is happy when things go badly, because then it makes her feel better about her own life.

    What I am having trouble with now is that I actually fell guilty about withdrawing from her! But she is good at manipulating, and is doing her best to make me feel guilty.

    I like your idea of treating her like a joke, because what I am feeling is too weighty, too depressing.


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  • #182083

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Kate,

    Imagining you wrapping the phone in the throw, had me laughing out loud! Too funny….I love Lottie’s idea of just walking away and treating her like a joke. The M.D. is truly pathetic.

    You could write a book, “The M.D. and Me”.


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  • #182084

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    We may as well get some fun out of it, as Lottie suggests!

    I spoke to another friend yesterday, who said no one would blame me for hanging up the phone.

    I do have to speak to her about the business, though, or she could involve me in litigation.

    Hope your test goes well today. Then not too long until the meeting with the neurologist.

    Is your weather crazy? It was sixty-one here yesterday; tomorrow we’ll have snow; and the weekend is supposed to be bitterly cold.


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  • #182085

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Hey Kate…

    Good memory! Appointment at the hospital this afternoon, and I see the neurologist in 2 weeks.

    Too bad you still have to deal with M.D. for business and not through a go between. I guess a lawyer would be too expensive and email is not legal. You can bet your bippy she is aware of all this and that is why she does not want to sever any business with you. She is hanging on for dear life!

    Yes, our weather has been nuts as well. We had freezing rain on Tuesday morning and then it warmed up and it all melted. Monday was so beautiful that I went walking along the canal which is near my office, and I saw a whole flock of Canadian Geese all over the place! I was so surprised! I guess they are mixed up too.

    Today is very windy and cold. Every day is something different.

    Be good to yourself, Kate…always. xox


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  • #182086

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Jacqueline,

    Yes, every day is something different now with the weather.

    Within a few hours, all of your tests will be finished! If the ultrasound isn’t already finished by the time you read this. Yay!

    I keep remembering the hateful things the M.D. said to me I especially think about her saying that my hubby “danced in attendance” and was “a yes man.” When she used to visit, he would always go help her with her bags, and once she referred to it as his “Sten ‘n Fetchit” routine. Just so foul. I’m sure she is green with envy about him, so she has to put him down. When she used to have other friends, she hated their husbands, too.

    She once used that “yes man” expression about a dear friend of mine, too. Of course she’s trying to say that I have trouble with her because she won’t be a “yes man.” Boy, if I only had “yes men” as friends I sure would never have become friends with her!!! And, unlike her, I have a number of friends. The truth is that SHE can only be friends with people if they are “yes men,” and of course everybody objects to the way she treats them, so she’s left with no one.


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  • #182090

    lottie
    Participant

    Kate I also laughed about the phone wrapped in a throw on the sofa.Was it jumping up and down like in cartoons??
    Forgive me Kate for mentioning but you have made a mistake. D does love someone ….HERSELF….She is so involved with her own needs she hasnt time for the thoughts of others.Treat her as a joke it will make us all feel better. My D has gone quiet, very quiet. Maybe she is relaxing in potions and leaves. Each to their own.Of course all the pharmaceutical companies will no longer be required she will have found a miraculous cure.
    What a great name for your horse.How many hands was he 16/17 my guess? Was he black? D will have been so jealous you were able to show love for your old horse,something she is not capable of unless it is herself.Has she ever had a pet? How can anyone be cruel and mean mouthed about someones pets or any animals.How I love changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace.
    Kate you asked how my day was,well great today getting things arranged for the weekend( working away FRI SAT SUN).UNTIL the SW worker rang about my father relating to money. Yes they have his accounts ++++ and knowing how greedy our government are no doubt want his money.I had to ring him to explain then he exploded down the phone trying to blame me for the problem.He keeps everything private as I explained to him so I can hardly be held responsible for any errors. He went PPPHHHH then hung up,leaving me all upset and shaky.
    Keep busy Kate try to switch off from her. Remember Jacquelines saying “an idle mind is the devils playground”. So true, not that we say you are idle. It applies to me also, regarding my father.
    Jacqueline hoping all goes well today,will be thinking of you.
    Take care all.Lottie
    PS Will have a lot of catching up to do next week!!


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  • #182094

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie!

    Sorry that your father upset you yet again. I know how it is. I was also hung up on. You are trying to help out, and instead you are scapegoated. All you can do is exactly what you are doing. Know that you have our empathy and love. We see how unjustly he is treating you, and also see what a big heart you have.

    Are you psychic?! That horse was 16.3 and dark bay!

    I didn’t have a horse for a long period in my life, except for my very old mare, who could no longer be ridden. When I started looking for a horse again, the M.D. thought it was great sport to say, “You could name it Fudgie!” She would crack herself up with her own wit…

    That’s too funny: The wrapped up phone jumping around! I’m surprised that it didn’t.


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  • #182100

    Jacqueline
    Participant

    Kate is spot on, Lottie….WE ALL LOVE YOU!!! You do not deserve this awful treatment. Forgive me, but your father is a sick, evil, angry, unhappy old man and he wants to share of it with YOU. I can understand you feeling shaky. I just wish I knew the right things to say to make this all go away, Dear Lottie.

    Thank-you Kate and Lottie for thinking of me (as you always do!) It was an easy test, only thing is that my arteries on the left side are very long and wrapped around whatever the technician said. She mentioned she has seen this before, but it is rare. The left side and the right side of my neck were checked. I made a joke that I could not hear my heart beat on the left side, so maybe I only have half a heart!!

    I will get the results in two weeks, when I see the neurologist.

    What will be, will be.

    Glad you are here, My Comfies. xox


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  • #182105

    Bubbles
    Participant

    Hi all! It took me forever to log back on and also I have to evict a tenant and was getting the file ready for the attorney. This tenant owes 2 months rent( $2100 a month). The court date is set but im never going to recover any money from him. He’s been a tenant for 14 years. I had tried to evict him before but he begged to stay and told me he could pay $2400 a month. I even offered him a cheaper place (1200) but he would not take it. Hope i win the eviction. I have to turn the place over to the management company when i get him out because i get too stressed out anymore.

    Kate, can you hire someone to deal with the MD about the business? I could do this eviction but i choose not to. The attorney is doing it for me.

    Lottie, i hope you can protect yourself emotionally from your father. Its sad he cannot show you the love he should instead playing mean games and being horrid to you. He is toxic try and have minimal contact.

    Jacqueline, i hope for the best for you with the Dr visits and tests! You are doing the right thing going to the Dr.

    My overweight friend is acting strange. She texted me last week when i was at the spa and i responded. Then a week later she texted how sorry she is that she saw my response but ended up not responding to me by texting back!!!! God help me!!! There is no true communication here!!! I deleted all her texts on my phone and did not respond. What is this some kind of game? Did she just tell me she saw my text but chose not to respond? How boring and annoying.

    The last time she did this it was a 1000 word text on why she could not have lunch with me on the day we planned and in fact not that week. I got tired of reading all her detailed excuses!!! Just cut out these waste of words. I cant figure out how to handle it. If i respond, she finds a way not to respond. Maybe she will never contact me again. It is confusing.


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  • #182106

    Bubbles
    Participant

    I opened Confies part 7


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  • #182169

    lottie
    Participant

    Hi there Comfies

    Just reading through to catch up. Thank you Kate and Jacqueline for your replies regarding my father. It gets worse,please excuse me for ranting.Jacqueline my hubby agrees so much with what you said about my father. The abuse still carries on.
    On Friday Saturday and Sunday I was away working.Here is what happened next.

    On Friday I received a phone call from the respite home where he is. They actually asked me if I could go to the local chemist to buy some some incontinence pads for my father.It is on their door step.My reply was NO. They said they hadn’t got any suitable. They said he was getting through so many. My reply was the hospital had said they were not necessary and he could easily walk to the bathroom which is true.So I asked what could have gone so badly wrong since he has only started with the problem since being there.The hospital had said he was ok and was play acting which is also true.

    So I told them I was working away for three days. BIG PAUSE. They said my FATHER had told them I do nothing all day and could easliy visit and do more.
    Then they queried when was the last time I visited him. I was furious telling them he is a liar and is always saying not to visit.He likes to tell people I do nothing making me out lazy which i find very upsetting. My hubby loathes him.All he ever says if I mention work is he isn’t interested in me or my work. He belittles me so much. The next day I was up at 4am not that I had slept and drove to the home.

    When I arrived I set to, putting them in their place good time.I was furious.The carer said she would come to my fathers room and we can both speak to him.Then added it was not urgent it was my father who said let me go to town.So the ……………..had led them to believe I do nothing only sit on my backside.Again the same carer asked how often I visit. I exploded. Got to his room where I asked him about the pads. He replied saying it was non of my business and the carer is there so he was not answering me.So after travelling all those b….. miles I yet again suffered his abuse.Then he admitted he doesnt really need them it was just incase. More like he likes the young carers to attend to his privates.

    When she left the room he then proceeded to black mouth them,luckily they could hear him outside.As I left they apologised for having me travel all that way for nothing.So they thought I have nothing better to do not that is any of their business.Needless to say he doesn’t need the pads and low and bloody behold they have them in stock anyway. She also added how sweet and lovely he is. So again he is blackening my name again. My sister comes home for a holiday this weekend. She does sweet nothing with not being here yet she is held in high esteem (along with her also feeling the same about herself)and actingas if she runs the White House.She is all airs and graces.

    Sorry to rant.Jacqueline no prizes for guessing where the other half of your heart is…..with baby Lou.

    Thank you for reading. My mouth had another flare up over the weekend,like you all have said before it is stress.

    Take care all I am not working until Friday more drained than ever. Lottie


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  • #182170

    lottie
    Participant

    Kate how could your horse be anything but 16/17 hands with a name Grenadier. I bet he was a trooper.Did you use him for breeding?

    I will join Comfies 7 to catch up more.


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  • #182173

    justbella
    Participant

    Hi Lottie,

    I have replied to your post on Comfies 7!


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