Comfies Part 6
February 1, 2017 at 10:52 am #181414
February 1, 2017 at 1:30 pm #181415
February 1, 2017 at 10:06 pm #181422
February 2, 2017 at 6:49 am #181425
Just posted on your other thread about the article from Facebook.
It reminds me of what a friend and I were discussing yesterday. She had a big birthday yesterday,and aging was on her mind. I told her we should make a point of being treated with respect from here on out. Our time is becoming increasingly precious.
February 2, 2017 at 7:00 am #181427
Right on, Kate! If not NOW, then when?
On another note, I wanted to mention that I worked an almost 12 hour day yesterday, after having been off for 6! Every time I come in now, since “that episode” as I call it, my boss tells me he does not want me stressed or upset! He has done a total turn around (hope it lasts!) and is killing me with kindness!
And, I came up with an idea concerning my son and the baby. Because her immune system is still compromised and the doctor wants them to wait until she is at least 3 months before exposing her to the outside world (not to mention my son and the girlfriend are overwhelmed and paranoid, which I can certainly understand) I came up with the idea of spending some Skype time so that I can at least SEE her, LIVE…
Hope the heat is still on!
February 2, 2017 at 9:15 am #181428
I was just wondering whether you had to work this week. I’m so glad that your boss is being conscientious about not putting you under stress!
Skype is a great idea!
As the week draws to a close, I’m feeling nervous about hearing from the M.D. (She normally calls toward the end of the week, because she hopes to visit on the weekend.) But I have resolved not to engage with her anymore, not to discuss why I’m withdrawing from the friendship ever again. She does not listen, but simply rages the minute I start speaking. I will never again allow her to dump her anger on me.
We will have to make arrangements about the financial aspect of our business. I am trying to come up with a resolution to that, so that it doesn’t drag on forever.
February 2, 2017 at 9:45 am #181429
Hi there! We are getting lots one without theTV on. Yesterday we cleaned the whole attic. Found 10 quilts and other things we will bring to homeless shelter today. Last night he even went with me to my landlord class to learn how to use the new forms, its a first.
Kate, glad you have heat!!! I know you will come up with a way to get her to pay. Run it by us if you need feedback.
Jacqueline skype idea is great!!! One comfortable step toward seeing and then visiting the baby!
February 2, 2017 at 11:19 am #181431
February 2, 2017 at 1:36 pm #181434
I am so proud of both my girls – Kate and Julie! Such progress!!!!!!!! Kate, you have finally realized that you do not owe the Drain ANY explanations!!!! And Julie, I am so happy to hear how hubby is finally being a partner to you. You are doing so much good by donating your unwanted stuff!
I had told my son this a.m. that I know he cannot wait to get home and be with his g/f and the baby! They are his life. Now he can understand the fierce, protective, unconditional love that we, as parents, feel for our children. And, it never changes, no matter how old they are. They will always always be our babies! He loved the Skype idea, which we will do later tonight, AND he invited me for brunch on Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 2, 2017 at 3:25 pm #181436
February 2, 2017 at 3:28 pm #181437
February 2, 2017 at 4:25 pm #181439
February 2, 2017 at 4:30 pm #181440
Yes, it would be good to hear from Lottie! She has really had a lot on her plate with her father. It is amazing how these ancient men can continue to be so ferociously maddening. My father wore on me so much that I started to think he was going to outlive me. At first, I foolishly believed that he would want to make things right with me at the end of his life, but that didn’t happen.
February 2, 2017 at 10:17 pm #181449
February 6, 2017 at 7:59 am #181493
February 6, 2017 at 7:11 pm #181501
Hope all is well with you, and that the heat is on!!!!!
Yes, Julie is doing well as she said, which is great news….It is only our Lottie who has not let us know how she is.
Thanks for asking. The Brunch went really well! I got to spend quality time with my family. I got to hold my Lou and talk to her. The best, was watching my son with his daughter. It was touching to realize how proud I am that I raised him so that he is an excellent father!!!!!
February 7, 2017 at 6:19 am #181515
I’m so happy that you got to spend time with your family, to hold Lou, to see what a good father your son is! That is truly wonderful! And you are such a caring person, that it is only natural that your son would care deeply for his daughter.
Yes, it is toasty here! Thanks for remembering!
The bad news is that The Wicked Witch left a message late yesterday. If you’d heard her voice, you would have thought she was normal. She said she was calling to find out how I was. But that is not normal, not given how she’s treated me.
I am trying to decide whether to return the call, just to discuss business matters. If I do, I have resolved that from now on I will NOT engage in any discussion of our “friendship.” There is nothing to discuss anyway, because all she wants is someone to visit, so that she doesn’t have to be alone. And I am not allowing her to visit.
February 7, 2017 at 6:21 am #181516
P.S. As I’ve said previously, I too would really like to hear from Lottie. It seems that, lately, she has felt the need to be silent some. I’m sure we’ll hear from her as soon as she feels more communicative. In the meantime, I hope she checks in here, and sees that we all are thinking of her!
February 7, 2017 at 7:17 am #181518
I am so proud of you, to be able to separate your business and personal relationship with the W.W.! As long as you keep it strictly business, and know she will try every trick in the book to come over, you will be fine!!!
I wish I could show you pics of my little Lou.
I have been thinking of Lottie, and agree with you Kate. She will be back when she is ready. She knows we miss her and are thinking of her.
February 7, 2017 at 8:40 am #181523
I would love to see pics of Lou!
Yes, the W.W. will use every trick in the book. Leaving the message that she was calling to ask how I was doing was very manipulative. As if I’m so dense that I can’t see right through that. You don’t shout and rage at someone, and then turn around and pretend to be concerned.
As another friend said to me yesterday, she is perfectly capable of acting as if nothing ever happened. That has always been the case with her. I have forgiven her and tried to forget her behavior more times than I could possibly count, but she never changes.
February 8, 2017 at 1:42 pm #181545
Thank you so much for remembering me and jolting me into action. My apologises for not being with you all earlier.My mind yet again has been in turmoil. You will be pleased to know I haven’t caved in to visiting my father,but it has made me gittery fighting it.Infact very tense and achey which in turn made me sooo sleepy. My husband has been very supportive.So sorry again comfies.
Have to say how pleased I am Jacqueline you have held baby Lou. What a wonderful feeling it must be.Having not had any children I cant imagine how you felt.Is your boss still behaving himself.And the new job. Is it still March for a trial period. Have you anything to add.
Kate thank you for mentioning me. My thoughts were with you.Did try to reply last week but was LOST for words. Now that is a first!!!Is WW your new name for D???Also glad to hear your heating is working.Today we had a
business meeting here with Ds brother. Of course he commiserated with me over his sister. He has told me so much,and I him. “D” has now got a lump and says the top of top specialists and many more are bewildered as to what it is.She also told me her beautiful teeth (they are not) have been so admired by more top consultants who have asked for photos to use at a dental hospital.Her teeth are false and look it. Her brother confirmed they were rotten years ago by smoking drinking and other……. He said all the family get fed up with hearing her brag ,lie, inflate herself.She has to be better at everything.Why does she resort to lies.Like previously said I find it so insulting. She also asked if will I be able to pay the price of a tooth implant.I thought you cheeky article.Stupidly I thought she had improved but alas she is just the same. The latest is she has a hole in her head where some bone is growing through. I couldn’t resist saying perhaps it is a 2nd head!!!! She has contacted everybody who will listen saying she is happy to prepare for another life and is not afraid because she will be going to a better place.BUT we haven’t heard exactly what is supposed to be wrong with her.Because there is nothing wrong, just a figment of her imagination yet again.ALL the top consultants and specialists from all hospitals and universitys are meeting to discuss her again.Her brother says the worst deed I did was let her sneak back into my life with her fantasies.
The last time I wrote I think I was seeing the Maxillio Surgeon again.That was about 3 weeks ago. Another letter has been sent to my dentist,who has not contacted me.In the meantime I have seen another dentist who did an xray super enlarged showing a fracture in a crowned tooth.She has said the fracture which must have had an infection caused the sinus to also get infected. All is well now with my teeth at the moment. If it flares up again then she will do my treatment privately.Beggars belief how my own dentist has ignored everything.
Thank you for reading I feel so much better writing all down and posting.
Incidentally Ds brother is 100% queaky clean regarding any tittle tattling.We discuss and that is it.
Take care Comfies. Thank you for being here,and sorry if I have repeated anything.Lottie
February 8, 2017 at 3:53 pm #181549
Glad you got to the bottom of that tooth, so to speak! It is weird and uncaring of your own dentist not to have replied to the specialist. I need to see my dentist, but really haven’t been in the mood to do much, so haven’t made an appointment.
LOL about the D.’s second head! Could you imagine what it would be like if she did have a second one, and that one talked just as much and bragged just as much about the “top specialists’ consulting about HER! The D.’s heads could just talk to each other, trying to out brag each other. But if she came to visit you, you’d have to lock up your food, because you’d have two extra mouths to feed! The D. would be grabbing food and drink with both hands for both heads!
It’s great that you can talk to her brother. My D’s brother is a stuck up prig. He reminds me of Sebastian’s older brother in “Brideshead Revisited.” Nonetheless, I have thought about calling him in regard to the D. (Jacqueline and I called her the Wicked Witch the other day, hence the W.W.)
I need to call her back about some financial things, but haven’t been able to do it so far. Maybe tomorrow. I’ve gone from not being able to see her to not being able to talk with her. But I have to.
Great to hear from you, Lottie! But I understand how dealing with everything can zap your energy.
February 9, 2017 at 5:53 am #181554
Hi there, Lottie! So glad you finally showed up!! Seriously though, we all know how it can be too much to write when we are going through a rough time. Happy that hubby has been supportive.
I think that large x-ray you are talking about is called a “panorex”, which I describe as a panoramic view of your teeth, bone structure. That is terrible you never heard from your own dentist. Smart move to be seeing someone else. Sometimes, we get too comfortable in a relationship, and find it hard to make a change. But, a change can be just what the doctor ordered….Pun intended!!!
You do not have to feel guilty about not seeing your father. He only upsets you and does not appreciate anything you do. It is about time you thought about Lottie!
Your Main Drain has a constant need for attention. And the ridiculous things she says….I wonder how people can keep a straight face listening to her drivel.
What touched me the most when I was at my son’s place last weekend, was watching him with his daughter. I was so proud of him. In spite of everything, I knew deep down, that I have brought him up right. He said he does not want to keep anything from me anymore, and so our relationship has definitely improved. Spending time together, and me telling him that everything he feels for his daughter right now, will never change. She will always be his baby, no matter how old she is! That we will always feel this protective and worried about them. I said I wanted transparency and honesty. He agreed and keeps saying how lucky they all are to have me in their lives. That I will be an amazing grandmother….damn right I will be!!!
My boss has been on best behaviour, but I still have my guard up. I am trying out at the veterinarian clinic in mid March! Next week. my life will be work work work, as my colleague is leaving on vacation for 10 days.
February 9, 2017 at 11:48 am #181557
Hi there all! Lottie so glad to hear whats going on! The pain you have been through with your father and that tooth!!! Id be so angry i would want to sue your dentist!!! Glad you found another one.
Kate, glad to here you have stopped allowing the MD to have a personal relationship with you..though you could hold that out as a carrot until the donkey pays you back and then block her and ignore her forever.
Jacqueline, im happy you have a closer relationship with your sone, everything will be easier now because of it.
I have to re side one of my rentals. After 35 years, the siding is getting bad especially the south side. Getting bids now.
On the friends front: i am relieved the spa friend has not texed me. Maybe she got the message! I did block her calls and voicemails! The other woman who tried to borrow money from me is also blocked. Whew.
I am on this narcism FB site and these various posts bring up a lot of pain for me. I think both my parents were narcs. I have so much in common with the 30000 other abused neglected folks in that private group. It is healing though.
My girlfriend who loves to eat and moved far away seems difficult. I dared to call hernone evening but she could only talk for 2 minutes ….she was at taco bell eating alone….oh well. Maybe it is her tone when she says how busy she is and that she has to go…dont know. I only called because her sexually abusive 92 year old stepfather died and she had to help with the funeral. Everyone but her enabling mother is glad he is gone. I would have had him cremated and dumped the ashes in a garbage can but she has to do the right thing. I guess i will go back to texts only with her.
February 9, 2017 at 12:30 pm #181558
Hi there Kate Jacqueline and Bubbly
Thank you all for being so supportive.This tiredness is so exhausting for me.
Everything I have just written has been deleted as Bubblys post came.ha
Oh Kate how I have laughed about two heads talking and bragging then eating our food.
The good thing for you Kate is you no longer feel you have to return calls immediately to D. You do them at leisure. She will have sensed you are are moving on from her.It will drift into weeks and months and hopefully will end up something from your past.I wonder what sort of upbringing they had as her brother is the same.Maybe they were lacking in guidance from their parents believing that money was god.They sound real toffee nosed people. Not that guidance was shown im my family.We had to learn for ourselves. If we made a mistake so help us God.
Ds brother said to stay away taking a back seat from her. Him and the siblings
have as little as possible to do with her.I thought maybe she had improved until I got sucked up again. Now I know differently.I am to blame for allowing her to get too close again. She has even tried to bet that I will visit my father soon.That in a way is working against me. She was laughing as she said it.
Sorry I cannot continue please ccept my apologises and enjoy your weekend.Lottie
February 9, 2017 at 1:05 pm #181559
Hi Julie, Jacqueline and Lottie!
So good to hear from you and to receive an update on what’s shaking with you, Julie!
Sorry about having to reside the rental!
It’s good that the two user friends got the message, which I think they did because YOU blocked messages from them.
Good idea to text only with that friend who moved away. I remember her well.
Hope you’re doing well today, Lottie! When will you have the tooth worked on? I didn’t have the impression that the second dentist you saw did the actual work? Or do I have that wrong?
And, Jacqueline, sorry to hear you’ll be doing double duty while your colleague is off. I hope the trial period with the vet in March will result in your wanting the job. At any rate, it’s good your boss has been on his best behavior. When do you have the additional tests? I seem to remember mid-Feb., but my memory isn’t the best at this point.
I just talked with my M.D. I let her know about some possible upcoming expenses. I told her virtually nothing about my life, but she rattled on and on about hers. You may recall that she was seeing the church counselor in order to get her to write a letter for her medical records, basically saying, as the M.D. phrased it, that she “isn’t crazy.” After a year and a half of the M.D. seeing her, while making every effort to appear sane, so that she could dupe the woman into writing this letter, the woman is going to write it. But of course this will not negate the history of her hospitalizations.
Then she bragged on and on about how she was going to deposit herself on her sister for a visit, only to mention later that she’s going to be staying in her sister’s house alone in order to babysit her sister’s cat. I had thought it strange that her sister was willing to host her again, but it turns out that the sister won’t be hosting her–the cat will!
Then she bragged about a project she’s been bragging about for over a year; an idea she had, about which she hasn’t yet taken a single step. It is related to what we did together, but which I really did on my own, since she did no work. I am now supposed to feel bad that I’m not working on this new project with her! NOT!
Oh, and then she made a real point about how she was writing a letter of condolence to a couple of people, and of course I have told you before that she didn’t even send me a sympathy card when my father died.
Even as I was talking to her, I was trying to think of ways I could take on all of the possible expenses myself, so I would never have to speak to her again. But that is not feasible. Oh well, most people in the world have to do things they don’t want to do because of finances.
It is good to be able to post here. Just talking to her is upsetting to me.
February 9, 2017 at 1:34 pm #181560
February 9, 2017 at 9:30 pm #181565
February 10, 2017 at 5:29 am #181567
Lottie, we always want to see the good in everyone and everything. But, people like your Drain don’t change….I always say that a leopard doesn’t change his spots! She is exhausting and manic…always having to prove something…i.e. she is NOT sick (as in the year she wasted “proving” it to the church counselor), she has had much more important health issues and life experiences than you or anyone, etc. etc. She is full of you know what, and like Julie always says, “you can’t reason with crazy”. Just stay away from her, as her own brother has suggested. And, you are not to blame for letting her get close again. You wanted to test the waters, hoped she had changed, but now you know she never will….remember that leopard…..and stop being so damn hard on yourself – YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT, even from YOU!
I wish you would stop feeling guilty about not seeing your Dad. Easier said than done, huh??? You have been so very kind to him AND your sister, and they never appreciated you. I understand this is a lifetime behaviour of being brainwashed and mistreated, and how difficult it is to go against that. You have so much inner strength to finally choose YOU and do what is best for Lottie. And, Lottie, you have been feeling depressed, achy, sleepy, etc. for a few weeks now. You mentioned hubby has been very supportive, but maybe you need someone professional to talk to at this time, to make you understand that you are not doing anything “bad”. Please consider it.
Hi Kate! I am so proud of you, so proud that you continue to think of ways you can avoid the WW, proud that you think of her only in business now…
And, thank-you for remembering about my tests. The rest of them were finalized yesterday. I had to work them in between my now crazy work schedule. Next Friday is the Cardiology ones, a week later is the MRI, and then in March is the neurologist follow-up.
I am going to be one very tired, but very rich woman…lol…(not looking forward to it)…..
- This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Jacqueline.
- This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Jacqueline.
February 10, 2017 at 5:49 am #181569
Julie, thanks for letting me know that the FB group is a private one. And I would indeed ask if you could get me in, were I on FB. I used to belong to some “open” group about Narcissism, but I don’t remember the name; it was quite a while ago!
Jacqueline, thanks for the information about your tests. Not too long now until you will have completed them and then the neurologist follow-up.
Yes, LOL about being “very tired but very rich.” In truth, you will be earning more during that time. I hope you will buy yourself a treat!
How are Star and Diablo doing? Has Star recovered from the sniffles, after being on the increased dose of the med?
I have to tell you this, because it’s just too weird to keep to myself. Yesterday, the W.W. said she’d given some books to her “therapist.” First, I think it’s weird of a therapist to accept gifts, but I couldn’t believe what they were, especially one. It was a graphic novel, which the W.W. had already presented at one of the ladies’ clubs to which she belongs. Well, it is graphic not only in the sense of being an illustrated novel but also “graphic” in content, containing drawings of people in compromising positions, so to speak. Can you believe she gave that to the therapist? And can you believe that the therapist is going to write a letter saying that the W.W. is “not crazy,” even after receiving that book? (Of course, maybe she hasn’t looked at it yet.)
Why do you think someone would give their therapist such a novel? If any of you have any ideas on that one, I’d certainly appreciate hearing them? I told another friend about this last night, and she couldn’t believe how inappropriate it was. (And the W.W. is someone who has never had a relationship.)
February 10, 2017 at 6:40 am #181570
Someone should write a letter that the church counselor is crazy! I am sure she did not look at the book….I wish I was a fly on the wall when she actually opens it.
After the year she spent showing how “normal” she is, she goes and gives an x-rated book to a church member!!! Since she is off the wall, there is no way to make any sense of this. Maybe when that woman sees the book, she will come to the same conclusion. But then again, how do we know what the “therapist’s” state of mind really is? She is not qualified to judge WW.
I did not mention my kitties, in light of all going on here…but Kate, you never forget! Thank-you. Diablo is fine with those Lysine Chews, but it did not help Star. She is still sneezing away, which I hate. The problem is that my veterinarian does not want me paying the high fees by going into the clinic, so, he has insisted on taking care of my babies privately. I never liked mixing business with pleasure. So, he suggested a week ago we will put Star on antibiotics to see if that helps. I assume she was sneezing since she was a wee thing, probably caught this from the mother (which is what normally happens). So, because it was left untreated for so long, it became chronic and more difficult to fix. I have to wait until I can see my friend for the meds…If I was dealing with him at the clinic, I could just go and get them and not have to wait. He means well, he knows I am anxious for Star to be 100%, so I just have to be patient (sigh).
And yes, Kate, I am definitely gonna treat myself with all that $$$$! I will be able to pay for all these tests I am doing privately…..lol…..
February 10, 2017 at 8:43 am #181571
It must be frustrating to wait for the meds for Star. We worry so about our fur babies! This morning, I am worried because the snow we had yesterday has frozen, and so I hope the stable owner did not turn my horses out. I just wrote to ask her. A horse I trained (back when I could still ride) was turned out when there was still some ice in his paddock, and he slipped and permanently injured himself. I wish I had my own place, because I don’t entirely trust the judgment of others. Not that I don’t (and certainly have) make mistakes, but I am careful. I am waiting to hear back from her.
Well, you are indeed “treating” yourself, since you are getting private treatment, so to speak! There is certainly no better way to spend the extra money.
Yes, I don’t think the W.W.’s “therapist’ is qualified to treat her, speaking of treatment! Especially since her grad degree is in divinity. By the way, the friend with whom I spoke about this thought it was especially odd for the W.W. to give the “graphic” graphic novel to a religious person. You hit on this, too, when you commented on her giving an X-rated book to a church member.
I thought about how I would have felt if one of my students (I used to be a professor) had given me this book. Frankly, it would have really worried me. I would have felt that in accepting it, I could have been accused of doing something illicit and unprofessional, bordering on illegal. And once I realized what it was, I would have handed it back to the student, saying I could not accept it, that it was highly inappropriate. And I might have gone to my dean about it. These days, you must be above reproach, or you can be accused of inappropriate conduct with a student. I would think the same could happen with a therapist.
My friend with whom I discussed this pointed out, correctly, how any exchange with the W.W. could quickly become toxic. This is true: I feel as if I were exposed to something dark. So I guess it’s appropriate I’ve been calling her the W.W.
Thank you for discussing this with me. I find it so troubling. I didn’t address it with the W.W. I chose to engage with her as little as possible. I think she does things TO get attention and a response, which might have been why she gave that book to the therapist. Among other reasons.
February 10, 2017 at 11:02 am #181576
I would be worried about my horses, too, Kate. Please let us know that they are all okay and the stable owner was smart enough to realize it is not safe for them or humans, either!! But just realize you are doing your best, Kate, and that is all you can do.
I agree with you that W.W loves to shock people and she gave this book to see her reaction. Hopefully, once the church member realizes what she was given, she will return it, and tell the W.W. that under these circumstances, she cannot write the letter for her. More proof that this woman is total unbalanced, mentally ill, and off her rocker. She has gone without meds for so long, which may have escalated all her mental problems.
You are wise to distance yourself from this woman, Kate.
February 10, 2017 at 12:46 pm #181577
The stable owner wrote that the snow up her way is nice and fluffy, not iced over. I can only hope that she is telling the truth! I look forward to having my horses at my own place after we retire.
You are right about the mental condition getting worse without medication,of course. So there is that; additionally, there’s the fact that she HAS been taking the same anti-depressant for twenty years, and that taking an antidepressant unilaterally when you are Bipolar can induce a state of hypomania. She herself knows this, and was afraid that her new M.D. would take her off it, but that didn’t happen–and I think it’s because she’s found another Dr. Feelgood, who is only too happy to give her meds in exchange for payment in cash, which is how the W.W. always pays.
But who knows with this counselor, who is getting paid a large sum of money each week, also in cash from the W.W. The W.W. even noted this yesterday herself. See, she KNOWS what’s what. She is very wily and manipulative.
Yes, I agree that distance is necessary, Jacqueline, for all sorts of reasons. Thanks you for reading my posts and responding. And thanks for caring about the horses!
February 11, 2017 at 5:35 am #181584
Kate, I care about EVERYTHING about you!
You have to believe the stable owner is telling you the truth that there was lots of snow! Why would she lie? The truth always comes out.
NOW I understand how the W.W. gets away with everything….
C A S H!! She must have a ton of money to pay off all these people. For me, she is wasting so much of it! And look at all the celebrities who had a Dr. Feelgood and what happened to them? The doctor was all about the money and could care less about their famous patients, who overdosed, albeit accidently.
February 11, 2017 at 7:01 am #181586
Thank you, as always, for your kind words!
I should have clarified what I meant about the stable owner. I meant that it was so cold yesterday that it was questionable whether the snow was fluffy rather than iced over. I knew there was snow, but here, it quickly became icy. She is further north, so I would have thought there was ice. Ice is dangerous for horses. I do get little studs put on their shoes in the winter, to give them traction, but they can still slide. I have known of ones to break legs on ice. And the reason she would prefer to turn out, is so they wouldn’t stay in their stalls all day, making the bedding filthy, making more work when the stalls are mucked out, and requiring more shavings, which equals more money. So, this is why I was questioning her. Unfortunately, I, and my other friends who have horses, have encountered risks being taken with our horses, because of money.
Well, I had quite a talk with my father’s cousin yesterday. She called me, because it would have been my father’s one hundredth birthday. This is going to take a while to describe, so get comfortable with Diablo and Star and settle in! The cousin and I had a long talk. She told me that my father had told her he sent me ten thousand dollars every year. Perhaps needless to say, he didn’t do this a single time! Not once! And I told her so. She was shocked! She was so stunned, in fact, that she continued to ask me, and I kept telling her that it had NOT happened.
Then he told her that he’d given me all of his stock. Not that he willed it to me, but that he gave it to me while he was alive. Again, not true.
Then he told her that he’d helped me buy an expensive place to live, quite expensive, she said. (I live many hours away from her, and she’s never seen where I live, so he could have told her this freely.) I told her that he did not help me at all. That, instead, he tried to get me to let him use my place as collateral so that he could sink his money into an oil well drilling scheme. I told her that he cursed me out when I wouldn’t do it. She said I couldn’t have done it, because it would have involved my husband, too. Precisely. And he was furious when I pointed that out, too. (He involved his nephew, who also lost all of his money, and who didn’t speak to my father ever again.)
Of course, she believed me about all of this. She said she wished she hadn’t told me what he’d told her, but I said I was glad to know the truth, and that it didn’t surprise me. (Although it did hurt me.) I also said that it gave her a realistic view of me: She’d thought I was someone who was being treated in a generous manner, when the truth was just the opposite. I said I was glad she knew the truth, too.
I told her that my father wanted HER to see him as a generous and benevolent parent. So he got to reap the rewards of being seen that way, without having to actually do any of it! Just incredible: It wasn’t enough that he was so withholding with me–in fact, trying to use me instead–but he then turned around and presented himself to people as being so kind and helpful to me!
So, yet another horrible memory for me to have of my father–and on what would have been his hundredth birthday!
I hope that Lottie also reads this–and Julie too, of course! I mention Lottie in particular because she’s had such a time of it with her own father.
The weather is warming today, and a snow melt is happening. I’m going to venture forth a bit today, and hope that it will take my mind off of this. But it really does seem that every time I start feeling sad and nostalgic about my father, I hear yet another bad thing. It’s really very hard. Thank you, as always, for listening.
I hope you have a wonderful, restful weekend, before your marathon in the upcoming days.
February 11, 2017 at 12:22 pm #181588
Dear Dear Kate…..I am so so sorry to read that your father was a legend in his own mind. I guess he never figured anyone would actually find out he lied through his teeth. It is sad that he painted himself as such a wonderful father. If in fact he really was, he would not have had to invent fantasies, because he would have been so pleased to treat you well, and not have to brag about it. It was very important to him that others found him so generous and kind. Yet, too bad he could not have been a loving father to you, Dear Kate. He cared more about what strangers thought, as opposed to his own family. How sad and pathetic. Never doubt for a second what a good daughter you were, in spite of the terrible way he abused you.
I did not know that horses wore studs, Kate. I understand now why a stable owner would want the horses out. Thank-you for clarifying.
I have been spoiling myself, in preparation of the marathon! Having a nice relaxing day, and will go out later to do some errands. The temps have been extremely cold these last few days.
I agree it is a good idea for you to get out, now that the weather is warm. It will do you good and will clear your head.
February 11, 2017 at 11:04 pm #181589
Hi! Kate your father sounds like my Father . Mine gave hundreds of thousands to charity to make hi self look good to others. Heinous!!! What about me??? I could have not had to work so hard!!! Instead he had a wing built in his childhood grade schoo in Michigan!!!!
Im so sorry. Lottie too. Again I wish we could all meet someday !!! Who needs narcissistic parents when there are friends like us!!!
I made 6 logs with my homemade log roller with paperwork we would usually have to shred. We burned them tonight in the outdoor fire pit. So nice!!! We are organizing the whole house room by room. My H shampooed all the carpeting on the main floor last night. Tomorrow we will do the upstairs. Garage and cars are all cleaned, i detailed my car today. Done with the latest rental!!! Yay!!!!
February 11, 2017 at 11:29 pm #181591
February 12, 2017 at 9:04 pm #181602
February 13, 2017 at 7:43 am #181606
Hope you all had a good weekend!
Jacqueline, best wishes for your marathon! Thank you, as always, for responding to my posts, most recently about the W.W. and about my father.
Lottie, it was understandable that you let the D. back into your life. She was supportive and even treated you to lunch. But it is very true that the leopard doesn’t change its spots.
Those of us who had dysfunctional parents tend to either be very closed off, or tend to be very tolerant. I think it’s better to be the latter. All of us here do have good relationships with other people. Yes, we have all had/have some stinkers, but it is good to remind ourselves of our ability to bond with supportive people, as we are doing here.
Julie, after you and your hubby have finished organizing and sprucing up your place, please come and work on mine! We did do some things last month, but MUCH remains to be done! It is so cool that you galvanized your husband, Julie.
I remember about your father giving so much to charity. I think our fathers never learned that “charity begins at home.” HA! Seriously, it is so hurtful, emotionally and financially. My life would have been dramatically different if my father had helped me–as would have yours– and both fathers so easily could have. Now it is really galling to learn that he bragged about having done so! I bet he told everyone I’ve been dealing with in his hometown how generously he’d treated me! I am talking with his caretaker today, and asking if he told her this. I bet all of these people have seen me as this spoiled creature, when the truth was just the opposite. By the way, when I told his cousin this, she said she believed me, and told me a story about her father. (It was pretty mild in comparison to how our fathers behaved, but it was hurtful.)
On a happier note, I told my childhood friend about how my father had treated me, and she responded with such love and support. In fact, yesterday I received a Valentine from her, saying she wanted me to know that I was loved. It’s here on the bookcase in front of me as I type. Thank God for friends, including the wonderful Comfies!
February 14, 2017 at 4:25 am #181621
Yes, Kate, you are so loved, and not only on Valentine’s Day! I wish everyone AMOUR TOUJOURS!
We had a huge snowstorm Sunday overnight and my car was buried in it. I felt like David and Goliath. I had a small little shovel, and after I was 3/4 done, a man came out of nowhere and asked if I needed help. Oh ya! His shovel was triple the size of mine and it took two minutes! He then asked if I would like him to move my car out of its spot. I was so tired that I just nodded. I offered him money for helping me, but he refused. I asked if he lived nearby, in case there is another snowstorm..hahaha…and now I find out there will be, starting this afternoon!!!!
I got to work with wet pants and feeling achy. I used the hand dryer in the bathroom to dry off. Luckily, as crazy hectic as the day was, it went very smoothly and my boss was amazing! It was just half a day.
I asked my boss about summer vacation, and he still does not know. I told him I was booking something that night, and he would manage without me!
I want to go up north, near where I used to go camping with my kids for 8 years. There is a mobile home I had my eye on last year to rent, but lost out on it because my boss gave us our vacation schedule too late.
The owner had no problem with me having one kitty, but when I mentioned there would be a second one, she was hesitant. So, I told her I am responsible, my kitties are sterilized and declawed and they are Bengals. I also sent her pics. I woke up this morning to her answer: YES! And she said I am very convincing!!!
So, I am booked for the first 4 days of July. July 1 is Canada Day (similar to your July 4!) and I am soooooooooooooooo excited!!!!
February 14, 2017 at 10:55 am #181628
February 16, 2017 at 10:48 am #181660
I thought I had posted yesterday, but the post did not appear, and then I had trouble logging in this morning. I posted about the trouble on the “welcome” forum, and now things are working fine.
At any rate, yesterday I said I hoped everyone had a good Valentine’s Day!
Jacqueline, it’s great that you told your boss you were going to go ahead and book! And great that you talked the lady into letting you bring both Diablo and Star! I know you love nature, so I bet that trailer is in a spectacular setting!
I plan a mini-trip for this weekend, to see my horses. But speaking of taking pets, I have to take my little dog, and there’s only one motel in that rural area which accepts pets. And recently the motel tries to get you to stay for two nights, which we definitely don’t want to do, so I will have to see if I can talk them into letting me stay one night. That might be a problem, because this is a holiday weekend.
February 17, 2017 at 4:17 am #181671
I am having trouble posting too! I keep getting an error message and that what I am writing is unacceptable according to the MOD security….geesh!
I am thrilled you are getting away to see your horses, which will do you good! And that you are taking your doggie!
BTW, what holiday is it this weekend???? Have a great time and E N J O Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 17, 2017 at 6:14 am #181674
February 17, 2017 at 6:19 am #181675
February 17, 2017 at 11:09 am #181683
Sorry that you have also had problems. I got the error message at one point, but mine was in regard to cookies not being enabled, so I did that, and maybe that’s what allowed me to post. I don’t know.
Is today the final day of your marathon, or will your colleague be gone for a few days next week? I am sorry that I don’t remember, but seem to have both seven days and ten days in my mind.
Here, it is Presidents’ Day Weekend, so many people have Mon. off. However, we’re coming back on Sun., and then hope to relax at home on Mon.
Will you be seeing Lou again this weekend?
I had all sorts of problems with the electrical power at my father’s house a few days ago. And all of this was exacerbated by the fact that the lawyer hasn’t settled the estate yet, so I didn’t have access to all of the information which the electrical co. needed. It was a big mess. Then there were other complications with the security system, with the property manager, etc. And then we had to do various updates on our phones which pertained to the security system. The whole thing took five and a half hours! Then, the second we finished that evening, my father’s horrible cousin’s husband called, telling me I needed to move some stuff which a tenant had left on the porch of my father’s rental. The nerve!
The good news is that I haven’t heard another peep from the W.W. I am beginning to hope that she’s finally given up on me.
I’m looking forward to seeing the foal! The stable owner sent me a photo yesterday, and he has grown since I last saw him. He’s really quite tall for his age. But of course this does not necessarily mean that he will be a huge horse. I do think he will be tall, but probably not exceptionally so. The cool thing about him is that just as I am a horse person, he is a people horse! He just loves people, loves watching them, interacting with them. Yet I think the stable is doing a good job of teaching him about personal space. Once he’s grown, we won’t want a twelve hundred pound animal all over us! But I think he will always be a hugger, which is very nice. His mom is a very sweet mare, and I owned a great uncle of his, who was an especially intelligent and people-orieinted horse. When he passed, I said I was going to get another horse with that breeding, but then I became unable to ride much, so didn’t buy another riding horse. That’s when I started thinking about breeding, and just happened to come across this mare which had breeding very similar to my old horse. Also, I own this foal’s father, and he’s a very good natured stallion. In other words, it makes sense that the foal is a nice guy.
In fact, I wish I had come from the foal’s family! HA! Not dysfunctional like my own! In fact, I always say I’d be better off if I’d been raised at the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm!
February 17, 2017 at 3:49 pm #181685
WOW WOW Kate…you certainly have been busy!!!!! I am so glad you will get to see your little baby foal!
Shhhh…I do not want to even mention you-know-who…Glad all is quiet on the western front.
My Marathon Week finishes on Tuesday. I was supposed to have the cario ultrasound today. The dr. kept me waiting 45 mins. and it turns out they do not even do the ultrasound that I need! So, I decided I will just have it done at the hospital. I will bring my requisition on Monday, after work.
No, I have not seen Lou since that other time. But my son and I will Skype either tonight or over the weekend…At least I hope so. The last time he agreed to it, he never did. But I will not give up!!!
I hear you about wishing you had been raised by horses…I would have much rather been raised by anyone of my loving kitties or doggies.
Enjoy your weekend, my Dear Friend. Love you xox
February 18, 2017 at 7:09 am #181694
It is such a shame that you had to wait forty-five minutes, only to find out that office didn’t do the sort of cardio ultrasound which you needed. It does make sense to have it done at the hospital.
It’s too bad that you have to “keep on it” with your son about Skyping. I have to say that my experience with most men is that they have to be pushed. You convey how something is important, and then you think they will keep that in mind. Not! Of course, women can be this way, too. Frankly, when I think of the W.W. (On the western front indeed! As in the W.W. of the West! And, she DOES live west of here! Ha, ha.), I don’t think of her as male or female. I just realized that. In a way, it makes sense that she’s never had a romantic relationship. Not that she seems androgynous; in fact, she seems so asexual that she doesn’t even seem androgynous. She styles hair and wears makeup, so she looks female, but doesn’t convey femininity or masculinity. This is hard to articulate, and I’ve just this moment considered it.
It will be nice to see the horses this weekend! I retired my old horse at this same farm, and a few times the W.W. accompanied us, because the stallion often showed at a nearby venue. I was always so nervous when she was at the stable. Even there, she had to be the center of attention. The first time she went, she cornered the stable owner, talking nonstop, when I wanted to speak to the owner about some aspects of my horse’s care. And she told her some stuff which was an absolute lie, trying to impress her. I was standing right there, and she knew that I knew she was lying. Just unbelievable. After the visit, I talked to the stable owner about her, explaining that she was out of control and saying things which weren’t true. Now that I remember it, she only went there twice with me, but both times were excruciating, marring the visit. This was such an annoying fact about her: She constantly wanted to do things, and then would ruin whatever expedition or event she attended. Urgggh!
On a happier note, a good friend of ours is going with us today, and he is a delightful person. Despite what I said earlier about men having to be pushed, he is not that way at all. He also knows horses, so it will be fun to see what he thinks of the foal! And he is the type of person I enjoy introducing to others. And of course our little dog is going. So it should be a good outing.
I hope that you have a good weekend, Jacqueline! Love you, too!
February 18, 2017 at 11:57 am #181706
Hi all, having a busy time trying to catch up on everything. Took H to the doctor yesterday because we went out for breakfast and he had an anxiety attack and had to leave the restaurant before we ordered. Then I asked him to drive right then over to urgency care clinic which was 5 min away. Dr said he has generalized anxiety disorder with depression. Gave him 2 different meds. Hope they help.
Four bids on the bad siding.
22K for complete nice new Hardiplank siding on the entire 2 story duplex Plus 4000 for painting the whole duplex.
7k for correcting and replacing just that ine side and 4800 for paint job.
850 labor plus about 1000 for materials to let our little workman re side the bad side only, then 3800 for my painter to paint the whole building. ( sounds good!) he sided a garage for us and did a good job.
11k for doing the bad side and all the painting
I am planning on going to the Health Center alone on the 26 th for a week. It helps me so much. But i have to wrap up some tax stuff, etc before then. At least I will not have to deal with dysfunctional friends while there. Although i think i have weeded out most of the dysfunctionals!!! Blocked the moneygrubber, the spa friend has not texted me, she is blocked also. I heard that moneygrubber got her 50k ” loan” from a man in one of the contact making groups!!! Uh…o…kay…!!!! Good luck getting yo money back sucker!!!!
The overweight friend who hates to talk on the phone for more than 2 min txts ne every month or so to mert. I hope we will have something to talk about when i visit with her this weekend…
Kate, if MD is putting out vibes of neither male nor female, what vibe IS she putting out? Crazy vibe? Scary? Unknown? She would scare me I think. Horses are so smart and my favorite animal. My other favorites are Giraffes, owls, Turtles.
Jacqueline, let us know how the test went Monday. Glad they are following up for you.
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