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Feeling worthless without any friends

January 3, 2017 | By | 8 Replies Continue Reading
If you’re without any friends because you don’t feel friend-worthy, you may need to work on yourself first.

QUESTION

Hi,

I am a 48-year-old female. I have no friends, no career and feel like a total failure. I want to do illustration but I have spent most of my life doing administration.

I have ended up in a very unhappy job being bullied by a boss and ostracized by two younger co-workers on a team of four! They all are doing worthwhile work dealing with vulnerable students.

I feel so crushed by shame, and by a total and deep sense of failure. Whatever I do I can’t seem to make a change. I feel my sister has done better, is better, and has always been liked better. However irrational, I can’t shake the low feeling I carry around.

Signed, Karen

ANSWER

Hi Karen,

So sorry you are without any friends and feel like you are in a hole that you can’t dig yourself out of. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s hard to initiate change or make friends.

Your work situation sounds very difficult. If you aren’t able to change jobs, you might want to try moonlighting. It would be a way to feel good about doing something you like and, perhaps, earn a little extra money. If you have talents in illustration, that might be something you could do on a freelance basis, perhaps even online. (There are sites like Fiverr that serve as a marketplace for freelance gigs.) If illustration is an interest or talent you want to nurture, you might look into signing up for a course at your local community college.

Unfortunately, given the negative social environment at work, you can’t depend on your office as a place to foster friendships. Dealing with a bullying boss has to be very stressful.

When someone feels totally worthless, it often is a sign that they are depressed. I would encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional who could offer you the support you need to feel better about yourself and to help you better cope with what sounds like a very difficult work environment.

Hope this helps.

Best, Irene


Previously on The Friendship Blog: How can I make friends when I’m feeling depressed?

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Category: Creating and maintaining boundaries, HAVING NO FRIENDS

Comments (8)

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  1. Samantha says:

    I have a friend who thinks about herself i really don’t want to not talk to her but she really hurts my feelings. I do like her a friend but she was being mean to me and that makes me upset and that makes me cry. I don’t know what to do. Please respond for me to figure if i should be her friend or not. I hope we can be friends.

    • Kimberly Hoffman says:

      I think first of all take a step back from this friendship and figure out what do you have in common with this person, think about what is going on in her life why she is acting this way towards you, spend time with your other friends, do things that make you happy and possibly with you not spending much time with this friend she will realize how valuable you are to her and if this doesn’t work ask her outright why she is acting this way towards you.

      Sometimes we need to let people go in our lives or at least take a step back to find out do we need this person/negativity in our lives.

  2. Doreen says:

    My heart goes out to you. I have been bullied on my job by peers and management. I know first hand how difficult this situation can become. I sought help through employment services and found great solutions on how to deal with my depressive feelings. I recently wrote blogs on these subjects “Mean Girls” being my most recent post. Feel free to read and share. It can get better.

  3. Christal says:

    Yes you do have a friend, the best friend that you could ask for. His name is Jesus and he is always there with you and for you.. Give him a try and see if the right people show up in your life.. He’s AMAZING!!!

    • Kyra says:

      So happy you said this because it’s exactly how I feel I was alone for a year no boyfriend, no friends. Finally I said god I’m giving it to you, 4 months later after our relationship grew stronger….. I said god I think I’m ready to meet the man I’m going to marry, and the very next day I met the most amazing person which is my boyfriend today, still I don’t have a friends but I’m being patient with because I know god will send that person when the time is right. Amen

  4. Kimberly says:

    Please listen to the others regarding work.

    As far as having no friends in your area check if there is a site called http://www.MeetUp.com this is not a dating site but they have a wide range of activities and just a way to meet other people, people are so friendly and offer something that you would be interested in I am sure.

    Hope this helps.

    [LAST NAME REMOVED BY MODERATOR. THANKS FOR YOUR COMMENT. TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST POSSIBLE SPAMMERS, PLEASE DON’T USE LAST NAMES ON THIS BLOG. THANKS!]

  5. Amy F says:

    Please seek therapy to help you develop some self esteem and get you on a path of creating a better, more satisfying life for yourself. You need to learn how to be a good friend to yourself, so that you’ll project worthiness learn how to assert your worth to others. Being a good friend to yourself will help you attract friends. You can develop the skills you need to take charge of your life and your future.

  6. Sandra says:

    Hi Karen,
    It’s hard to feel good about your work when you’re in a competitive environment, with a bully for a boss. It sounds like this situation is also stirring up some painful issues related to the sister you mention in your letter. So, first, you should consider Dr. Irene’s advice about seeking counseling from a therapist who will help you work through these issues. They are likely tied to your depression and feelings of failure, and your lack of friendship.

    In the meantime, even if you cannot find a career in illustration right away, have you considered finding another job in your current field? Anything would be better than an environment that sounds so abrasive and difficult.

    You mention feeling crushed by “shame” in your last paragraph. Are you familiar with the work of Brene Brown? She writes about shame issues, and is known for her research in shame and vulnerability. I recommend her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, which you might find helpful.

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