If you’re without any friends because you don’t feel friend-worthy, you may need to work on yourself first.
I am a 48-year-old female. I have no friends, no career and feel like a total failure. I want to do illustration but I have spent most of my life doing administration.
I have ended up in a very unhappy job being bullied by a boss and ostracized by two younger co-workers on a team of four! They all are doing worthwhile work dealing with vulnerable students.
I feel so crushed by shame, and by a total and deep sense of failure. Whatever I do I can’t seem to make a change. I feel my sister has done better, is better, and has always been liked better. However irrational, I can’t shake the low feeling I carry around.
So sorry you are without any friends and feel like you are in a hole that you can’t dig yourself out of. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s hard to initiate change or make friends.
Your work situation sounds very difficult. If you aren’t able to change jobs, you might want to try moonlighting. It would be a way to feel good about doing something you like and, perhaps, earn a little extra money. If you have talents in illustration, that might be something you could do on a freelance basis, perhaps even online. (There are sites like Fiverr that serve as a marketplace for freelance gigs.) If illustration is an interest or talent you want to nurture, you might look into signing up for a course at your local community college.
Unfortunately, given the negative social environment at work, you can’t depend on your office as a place to foster friendships. Dealing with a bullying boss has to be very stressful.
When someone feels totally worthless, it often is a sign that they are depressed. I would encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional who could offer you the support you need to feel better about yourself and to help you better cope with what sounds like a very difficult work environment.
Hope this helps.
Previously on The Friendship Blog: How can I make friends when I’m feeling depressed?