Not all best friends turn out to be keepers
I had a boyfriend for two months that I became madly in love with, and thought
he felt the same for me. His friends constantly said they had never seen
him like this. Then, late into his birthday party, we got into a spat and
he dumped me. It was gruesome and sudden, especially for a relationship I had
deemed meaningful and important. Most importantly to me, I thought of him
as someone not only important romantically, but someone that would turn into my
For several months he kept forcing me to see him; we’d reconnect, I would
foolishly think he had changed his feelings, then he’d disappear again. I
recently felt as though it had dragged on too long and was becoming psychologically traumatic for me, and definitively ended the relationship. I
sent him a very kind note saying I could not be his friend when I believed we
could never be that, and defriended him on Facebook (him… and his friends).
I remain filled with remorse and
self-doubt, wondering if I acted too quickly or without cause – it is so
difficult in life to meet friends or people you truly care about. But I also
believe in the tough but important value of self-preservation. I cannot
get past this, though. It has been weeks since my note (no response), and I’ve
become virtually despondent.
Am I acting in an emotionally healthily way? Did I do the right thing for my
long-term emotional well-being? Or was it the immature and self-detrimental
act of a rejected woman? I’d like to think about this clearly and logically. I
feel lost in self-doubt, and I can’t let it go.
It’s hard to know whether someone is
best friend material after just a couple of months—especially when you’re
feeling madly in love. A strong initial attraction doesn’t necessarily mean
someone will be a keeper.
It’s not unusual for some individuals
to either want a best friend or romantic partner so desperately, that they
typecast someone inappropriate into the role. I’m not sure whether or not this
might have been the case for you.
Whether this guy was a friend or a
lover, you stood your ground and decided that you didn’t want to subject
yourself to someone who runs hot and cold. The first disappointment occurred
only two months into your relationship and then each time you reconnected, you
gave him (and yourself) multiple opportunities to try again.
I can understand your disappointment
but don’t look back. You need to let go of this fantasy. You absolutely did the right thing and deserve more
consistent and reliable friends than this one.
Hope this helps.