What do you do when an unreliable friend breaks dates and can no longer be trusted her for her word.
I’ve known my friend for just under a year. Although we get along well, she is unreliable and flaky.
When I suggest doing something, she doesn’t seem keen. She either says okay, and we’ll set a day to see each other or the classic response: “I’ll get back to you” – which she never does. As a result, numerous plans we’ve made either haven’t happened because they are forgotten about or she cancels them at the last minute with some poor excuse. Sometimes this happens when I’m on my way to meet her! She cancels plans she initiates, too, and says we never hang out enough, which I find confusing.
On the rare occasions that we do manage to meet up, she always makes an excuse to leave early and the whole thing is cut short. What’s more frustrating is that it’s because she’d rather spend time at home with her boyfriend whom she lives with!
So how should I handle this? Am I being unreasonable?
Of course, you aren’t being unreasonable! No one enjoys having an unreliable friend who consistently breaks plans.
It sounds like your friend truly wants to get together with you—or else she would simply say no when you ask, nor would she initiate get-togethers. But she may be having difficulties making plans and keeping them either because her boyfriend is making demands on her time or because she feels driven on her own to spend more time with him. One other possibility is that she is simply a poor planner/scheduler.
As far as you are concerned, the precise reasons are irrelevant. Friends should be more reliable and considerate than she is being to you. You need to talk to your friend and let her know you would prefer she not make plans rather than break them at the last minute. Ask her if she knows why this keeps happening, and suggest she put herself in your shoes and think about how she would feel if the situation were reversed.
If you are more assertive in setting limits and letting your friend know how you feel, this will hopefully be something you can work out together. Sometimes women are so swept away with romantic relationships that friendships take a back seat. You may need to find other friends to fill the gaps in your calendar if she can’t improve her track record.
Hope this helps.
Category: Disappointing friends