July 17, 2010
By Cara Sprunk
“I dated Tim, who was a great boyfriend (and still is) but was really involved in his super-conceited fraternity. All the guys in it thought they were really hot and cool, just because they pledged this house. Every time I went to the frat house they were rude to me because I wasn’t in a “cool” sorority and because I am a little shy. They would either say things to purposely make me feel uncomfortable, ‘unintentionally’ (I doubt it, that’s what Tim said) make fun of my sorority, or ditch my boyfriend because they clearly felt uncomfortable around me.”
Eleanor’s friends tried to convince her to try to get along with Tim’s friends, so that it wouldn’t get between them, but her efforts were admittedly weak and therefore unsuccessful.
Dr. Levine suggests, “If you can’t stand your boyfriend’s friends, you have to figure out why he is hanging with them. You need to raise the issue with him and, perhaps, he’ll be able to allay your concerns. If not, he may realize that there is a major problem with them that he has overlooked.
If you can’t agree, you have the choice of either agreeing to disagree (and trying to minimize the time you spend with them as a couple) or you might realize that he has some of the same characteristics that irritate you and that you have inadvertently glossed over them.”
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Category: RESOLVING PROBLEMS