I am having a really hard time with my best friend. This whole relationship
started out quite differently. She was attracted to me and fell in love with me
at the very beginning. I reciprocated these feelings for a while but ultimately
realized we weren’t a match, and decided we needed to focus on the friendship
because she had, in fact, become my best friend.
She stayed in love with me although it
was not what I thought was best or wanted; she was very depressed about my
decision. I still spent everyday with her and we were so close. She always
cared for me and showed me this amazing love that I’ve grown accustomed to.
We recently moved in together and everything has changed. She is always trying
to become physical with me and sometimes I do give in. However, I was always
the strong one in the relationship and she now seems to be taking over that
After telling me for three years she
loves me and wants to be with me, she now suddenly doesn’t feel that way. It
seems she is no longer interested in spending time with me (when that used to
be ALL she wanted to do), and she seems to be "living it up" with
other people and acting so differently from the person I have always known.
What is going on?
This is so hard for me to deal with and
I don’t really know why. I want her back…I miss the way she treated me, she
was so caring and would do anything for me. Now I feel lonely and like she is
coming out on top and I am left behind. I am very depressed and this is so
unlike me. I have tried talking to her and she seems to understand that she is
pulling away but she can’t tell me why or when this sudden change took place.
She knows she still loves me and wants to be physical with me but she is
curious to see what else is out there.
I am telling you, I don’t even
recognize this person. I really want her to be the same best friend I have
always known. Its strange, she has been so consistent for so long but now is changing the way she acts towards me which makes me very unsure of
how to act around her. It is so uncomfortable and I can’t shake this feeling of
wanting to keep her the same. I miss my
best friend so very much. What do I do? Will she come back to me?
It sounds like this relationship was fraught with ambiguity
from the beginning: You’ve been best friends, lovers, and friends with
benefits. Your friend continued to love with you while you only wanted to be
friends – although you continued to have a sexual relationship.
Living together has certainly complicated your relationship
even further. Could your friend possibly have felt pressured to live
together? I ask because it was soon after this that she decided she wanted to
experiment sexually with other people.
It may be useful to live apart so you both have the time and
psychological space to figure out what it is you really want from each other.
You can’t keep another person the same as she was but you can give her the
time she needs to figure out who she is and what she wants, and then make your
own decisions accordingly.
I hope this helps.
Have you checked out The Friendship Forums, a caring, supportive community of people discussing their friendship problems and dilemmas?