Dating a friend’s ex is always tricky and is probably best to avoid.
Dear Friendship Doctor,
I have a best friend who is like a sister. Well she stopped talking to me after I tried to be honest with her about wanting to go out with her ex.
I only accepted his invite because she hated him and wanted him out of her life and didn’t want anything to do with him. So I thought it would be all right to go for it. But I asked her and let her know because I wanted to be honest and didn’t want to go behind her back.
All my other friends say I did a good thing in telling her before I did anything and that she just taken it too far. She always gives me a look when she sees me. I feel like I was the bad person in this problem and she was the good person.
I don’t want to lose my friendship with her cause she was my like a sister but what should I do because I’m already with the guy. Am I the bad person for doing what I did even though I was honest? What should I do?
Being honest about wanting to date your friend’s ex was better than going behind her back but you haven’t mentioned whether or not she gave you the go ahead once you told her. If you didn’t want to jeopardize the friendship, you should have asked rather than told her—and respected her wishes.
Even if she did give you the go ahead, she still may have felt hurt because her emotions were still raw after the breakup. If she truly wants her ex out of her life, she can’t very well do that if he is dating her close friend.
It seems like you chose a relationship with him over her, and there isn’t any going back. The ball is in her court in terms of whether she wants to remain friends with you. I wouldn’t characterize you as a bad person but you will have to live with the consequences of the decision you made.
Hope this helps.
Some prior blog posts on The Friendship Blog about friendship and honesty:
- Feeling trapped? Honesty may help
- My friend’s husband put the moves on me; should I tell her?
- The Friend Trend: Who do you trust?
- Should friends be brutally truthful with one another?
Category: KEEPING FRIENDS